Stories From Behind Bars III

Drink More Water

Welcome to the third installment of my stories from behind bars series!

As we approach New Year festivities, I hope you’re all setting your intentions and partying responsibly ;)

I have a lot of thoughts about the hospitality industry. As someone who has worked in a plethora of bars and restaurants, event venues, and private residences, I have spent well over 10,000 hours assimilating the craft that is bartending — and I’m still learning.

Lately I’ve been reminded more than usual about the wage gap between wealthy people and those of us who work for them, and it’s really put some things into perspective for me.

Also, I’m more convinced with every shift that I should make a sitcom about bartenders…

Sycophantic

Some of the conversations I’ve heard between millionaires make me grateful for what I don’t have.

I may not have millions of dollars, but I’d rather be the one behind the bar than the average party guest at the elite events I’ve been working. It’s disappointing how rare it is to encounter a generous wealthy person.

The majority of them are completely out of touch with the lower class. They have no idea how entertaining it is for me to step into their world as someone who might as well be invisible to them until they want a drink.

I wonder how they see me.

Working for people in their homes feels oddly intimate. The power dynamic is very different than when I’m serving people in a bar that I’m familiar with and in control of. Bartending in a client’s home feels like my first day working at someone else’s bar. Because it is.

I’m always friendly and polite because I’m good at my job, but I know I would never cross paths with these people or their party guests otherwise. I like to take advantage of the opportunity to engage with the 1%.

Regardless of social status, asking people how their day is going can tell you a lot about them.

Most of the time the interaction goes one of two ways:

“How’s your day going?”

“Ugh, my life is so tragic and my job is so stressful and if I don’t have a drink right now I think I’ll just DIE”

(Not word for word, but that’s basically what I hear.)

I can always get complainers to smile, but that’s mostly because I supply their alcohol. While handing them a drink, I’ll say something along the lines of,

“I have a feeling your day is about to get better!”

The most common alternative is:

“How’s your day going?”

“Amazing!! Everything is amazing and I’m amazing and this drink is amaziiinggg!!”

To which I respond with the same phony, bubbly energy. And they eat it up. Some of the cheerful people I interact with are genuinely happy, but I can see right through the imitators.

I almost prefer complainers because at least they’re being real — although some of them seem to be trying to justify the fact that they’re drinking, which is a personal judgment call that I get to be a part of because I asked how their day was going.

The bubbly ones make me deeply uncomfortable, but am I just as bad as them for mimicking their behavior? Isn’t that what they want?

This also makes me wonder about people’s general outlook on life. Some tend to focus on the negative, others ignore it or bury it beneath a facade of inauthenticity. But why?

What would happen if we were all honest with each other?

Would society collapse?

What if we collectively decided to try to make the world a better place instead of complaining about it or remaining oblivious?

I digress…

If I want to start a conversation with someone I’ll ask,

“What are you drinking about?”

This question is almost always received with a dramatic sigh and a very honest answer. Occasionally, it may also lead to lifelong friendships. You’ve been warned.

Absurdity

Being the only sober person in a room full of drunk people is like being the only adult in a room full of toddlers who’ve had too much sugar and no sleep, except the toddlers are adult-sized and they’re daring each other to jump off the roof of a four-story home.

Sometimes they’re more like zombies with an unquenchable thirst for Fireball and White Claw.

It’s quite disturbing to see the blackout in a person’s eyes when they’re drunk to the point of losing all awareness. They are completely oblivious to the fact that I can see their lack of ability to focus their gaze. At this point, I try to convince them to drink water and eat something. (I always encourage hydration while drinking!)

However, I’ve learned to never argue with a blacked-out person. It’s like waking up a sleepwalker or feeding a gremlin after midnight.

Instead, I give them shots of tonic water — they either don’t notice it’s not tequila or they know better than to question the fact that I didn’t give them alcohol. This is especially important for those of us who work events with open bars. Some people would give themselves alcohol poisoning if we didn’t cut them off.

We also have to be aware that the kind of people who get blackout drunk usually bring their supply. They may have only been to the bar a few times, but that doesn’t mean they’re not consuming a bottle of tequila and a case of wine in the bridal suite.

I’ve worked many weddings where the bride’s maids seemed to be competing with each other to see who could drink the most. If only they could see themselves from my perspective…

Character Building

Being a bartender feels like playing a character. Professionalism is a performance. I’m not necessarily passionate about serving drinks, but it’s proven to be an enjoyable way to make a living.

I often think about who I might be if I had chosen a different career path. The real dream is to play characters on film, not behind bars, but for now, it’s building the ‘starving artist’ character.

“Behind bars” is meant metaphorically for many reasons —working in this industry is not something I want to do forever, but I think I’ll miss this version of me when I grow out of it, so I’m making the most of it.

A friend of mine recently told me,

“You have too many ideas to just be handing people poison.”

And that’s the truest thing that’s ever been said about me.

Speaking of ideas, I’ve been working on something that I can’t wait to share with all of you! I wanted to experiment with writing and producing a little movie that I could film in my apartment, which I’m learning is equally as tedious as filming with a full crew, but it’s been so fulfilling to work on something I’m proud of. Coming soon…

Thank you so much to everyone who has voted for me in the Dos Hombres Bar Boss competition! I have qualified for the top 10 and still need votes to advance to the next level of the competition — it would mean so much to me if you have the time to vote!

Drink Recipes!

I thought it would be fun to share a couple of my favorite Winter drink recipes that can be enjoyed with or without the alcohol :)

• The Polar Express ~ 1.5 ounces of bourbon ~ 2 ounces of espresso ~ 1 ounce of coffee liqueur ~ 1 ounce of chocolate liqueur ~ 1 ounce of eggnog ~ Shake with lots of ice for at least 10 seconds ~ Strain into glass, garnish with cinnamon stick & nutmeg

Non-Alcoholic liqueur option:

• Christmas Vacation ~ 1.5 ounces of tequila ~ 1 ounce of lime juice ~ 1 ounce of framboise liqueur ~ 3 ounces of white cranberry juice ~ Spoonful of agave ~ Shake with ice ~ Garnish with cranberries and rosemary

• These drinks pair excellently with salty snacks! Please stay hydrated while drinking (beer doesn’t count) — You’ll feel better the next day :)

I hope the New Year inspires a refreshing beginning for all of you!

I will be working for a party at an exclusive rooftop bar downtown; I can’t think of a better way to start the year than getting paid to enjoy an incredible view of the extravagant midnight fireworks.

Thank you for making 2023 unforgettable. As I reflect on the personal development I’ve undergone this year, I’m overwhelmed with gratitude for this community. I have always sort of identified as a writer, but never really fulfilled that aspect of my identity until I found Medium.

If you’re reading this, you’re the reason I keep writing. Thank you.

Cheers to you! ✨