Poetry

Storefront

When You Are Ruined For Love

hers wasn’t an open-to-the-public kind of face

it more resembled a closed-up storefront, the roll down gate still bolted firm

a guarded smile upon a perfect, tight-lipped mouth

sharp eyes rarely at rest, her gaze even, always aware, always searching, always knowing more than she lets on

arms loosely crossed, as if to say, if or when I get good and ready, there’s a chance I might let you in

she can tell you what she doesn’t want, who she is trying to become

but you have to listen or the gate will just as quickly shut again

too many before hadn’t taken the time to use their ears — they only indulged the visual and tactile, force and want, self and cravings

cloying breath upon a soft neck

mesmerized by smooth skin, they are destroyed by beauty unattainable

desperation begets a certain form of crazy

keening, weak in the knees, lunging at a body that does not belong to them

animalism usurping logic

leaving only take take take

too many times she’s watched the switch flip — at first sweet as puppies, content just to be in her presence

something shifts, she is left blindsided, he Jekyll and Hydes into a raging Doberman, demanding all of her, now, on his terms

somewhere along the way he succumbed to the lie that power is his protection, that his desire matters more than her dignity

but now, she sees you offering a gentle hand

but now, she is ruined for love

something in her wants to lift the gate a tick, let in some fresh air upon walls mildewed and dark

but she doesn’t know how

she resents them for this most of all, that her heart only knows to preserve and survive, that safety is only felt behind lock and key

her mind understands healthy love will bring her healing, this is the water upon scorched earth

she is dying of thirst, longing for the light

she reaches toward you, tentatively hopeful, a whisper of trust upon her lips

-copyright A.J. Land 2024