Stop Your Bucket List Improve Your Life

Better yet, don’t even write one.

Imagine sitting in the exam room waiting for the nurse to come in and dismiss you. You’ve just had your first follow up visit with your Rheumatologist and you get a diagnosis. You read the pamphlet your doctor gave you and see ‘resulting in death.’

That was eight years ago and I’m still here. I’m not ready to give in and give up, I have too much to do. And here’s the kicker, “ain’t none of us getting out of here alive.”

Do you want to focus on all the things you want to do before you die, or focus on living?

You can stress about all the things you might never get to do, or enjoy the things you can. Do you really want to jump out of a plane?

Ok, maybe you do. Do you need a bucket list for that? If it’s that important to you, you’d do it anyway, wouldn’t you?

It’s great to have dreams and goals.

It’s how you think about them that matters. I was in an interview once and asked “if I put a glass of water here and fill it halfway, is it half full or half empty?”

There’s no right or wrong answer, both are right. I’m a positive person, it’s half full. The interviewer saw it as half empty. (I still got the job, if you were wondering.)

Which goals are more important to you?

I keep a bullet journal and review a master task list each month. I have various tasks listed that I want to remember. One of those is to update my passport.

It’s not an urgent task, but it is a reminder for the trip I plan to take to Hungary. I’d like to visit my mother’s village and see where I came from. I checked off my first task this month and got my real ID.

Another task I have is learning to play the piano. I envision a baby grand sitting in my living room in front of the bay window as I entertain the family.

I don’t have a baby grand piano nor is it on my master task list. Instead, I have a plan to purchase Yamaha PSR — F51 61 key with weighted keys.

I started lessons twenty-seven years ago but quit. I never let go of the dream, my priorities changed. I adopted my kids and my whole world changed.

My grandson just started kindergarten this year. Yeah, I think giving up one dream is worth letting go for another one.

So, what changes when you get a diagnosis like this?

You cry.

When my husband came home from work that day, I couldn’t even tell him. He looked at me and immediately knew something was wrong. All I could do was hand him the pamphlet and cry.

“I’ll take care of you,” he said.

What powerful words those are.

Sometimes I tell him I think I’ll die before he does. He always says that’s not acceptable. It makes my cry right now just thinking about this. (Maybe it’s just the piano music I’m listening to.)

And I’ll share this secret with you. Sometimes when I write, I share just enough with you, shying away from the hurt and the fears. It’s safer that way.

If you have an auto-immune disease or any chronic disease you understand this. Maybe you have a friend or a neighbor that does. Any invisible disability makes you isolated. You have to hide it from your co-workers, your family, and sometimes yourself.

Before I was diagnosed, I worked in a warehouse. It was one of the hottest summers I can ever remember. The pain and fatigue were unbearable.

You don’t get a free pass from work to go to the doctor. Instead, you are questioned why have to go so much. Not to your face of course, but you hear the talk.

“Limping is counter-productive.”

Really? I hadn’t noticed.

They change the doctor’s note policy without warning. Thank you for that. Now I can wait another 90 days to get in to see my specialist.

They make you feel it is your fault you’re taking off so much. And you start believing it. The doctors don’t know what’s wrong with you, so you must be a hypochondriac or something right?

My diagnosis isn’t limiting me in any way, rather it has challenged me. If you have an auto-immune disease, you can live a full life.

So, I’ve never written a bucket list, and I don’t intend to.

My life is the bucket list and I’m living it one moment at a time.

So, I want you to think about what you’d do if you got this diagnosis? Is your glass half-full or half-empty? Do you make a bucket list and think about all the things you’ll do before you die, or do you decide to live and joy every minute?

None of us know how long we have in this beautiful life. Live your life, enjoy your family. Cry sometimes, it’s going to be okay.