Summary

The article emphasizes the importance of recognizing one's self-worth and taking action to change one's own life rather than waiting for others to change.

Abstract

The article "Stop Waiting for Someone to Change" delves into the common human experience of expecting others to alter their behavior, often to no avail. It suggests that personal growth and empowerment come from within, acknowledging that while people can change, it is not within one's control to change them. The author encourages readers to break free from patterns of self-destruction and poor treatment by others, advocating for self-respect and the realization of one's own value. The narrative encourages individuals to rise above negative influences, emphasizing that personal transformation is the key to a fulfilling life, not the transformation of others.

Opinions

The author posits that waiting for someone else to change is a futile endeavor that keeps individuals stuck in a cycle of disappointment and self-destruction.
It is crucial for personal well-being to demand better treatment from others and to leave situations where such treatment is not forthcoming.
The article suggests that allowing others to diminish one's qualities for their benefit is detrimental and that individuals should not tolerate such behavior.
The author believes that each person is responsible only for their own change and growth, not for the change in others.
Self-value and inner strength are seen as essential components in reacting powerfully to poor treatment, not through aggression but through assertiveness and self-care.
The article implies that recognizing one's worth can lead to a change in how others treat you, as they may either adjust their behavior or distance themselves.
It is highlighted that life's challenges are opportunities for personal development and that rising above negative influences is a sign of personal growth.
The author encourages readers to engage in positive self-talk and to shine by acknowledging their self-worth, rather than seeking external validation or change.

Stop Waiting for Someone to Change

Learn your value and find inner strength

Another day and everything’s the same. The person you want to be different carries on as always, putting you down, treating you poorly, or cheating on you.

“Today will be different,” you say. “I’ll be kinder, more patient, have a better sense of humor, and won’t get upset.”

Try as you might, though, to be forgiving, extra loving, and understanding, and the parent who makes you feel like nothing, the spouse who bullies you, or the friend who speaks words that cut you like a knife affects you the way they do typically.

“I’ll wait. I’ll heal the pain from childhood that makes my partner angry or disrespectful.” “I’ll give the pal who leaves me out and stabs me in the back one more chance and then another.” “I’ll be so resilient nothing will hurt me.”

Such thoughts enter your mind, and for a second, they soothe you. “It will be all right this time” becomes your mantra, and “I can cope.”

Do Leopards…

People can change, but, and there are so many buts, the undeniable truth — the real question you must ask — isn’t whether the sibling who tells lies about you, the tyrannical boss who berates you, or the cousin who meddles and makes your life difficult will change. It’s about you.

Why are you stuck? Why do you go through the painful mill incessantly? Are you following a pattern of self-destruction? Why haven’t you demanded better treatment or left an impossible situation?

And the questions continue

Why have you allowed someone to walk over you? What stops you from making an impact to procure better treatment or saying enough is enough?

What does your reaction to poor treatment say about you?

Does it remind you how you already feel? Is it so familiar you’ve grown used to it and can’t see a way out? Are you reliant on someone who upsets you and too scared to alienate them?

You can’t shine when you allow people to dull your best qualities to make way for theirs. They want all the attention and need you to make yourself small so they appear larger. Get it?

They’ve got problems, and despite being bullies, are special too. They have reasons for their actions, but it’s not up to you to be dragged along a painful path with them and let them use you.

A leopard can change, but you can’t make them

People can change, but nobody can force them. Life will sculpt them, and they might decide to alter, but it’s not your job — or within your power — to enforce their transformation.

So, and I know it’s painful to hear, we are back to you. You’re the only person on Earth you are in charge of and can change. As such, you’re responsible for taking care of yourself and can’t afford to wait for anyone else to do it for you.

Life’s lessons often sting like hell. They plunge you into deep stormy water and say, “Let’s see if you can swim.” The more storms you meet, though, and ride out successfully, the easier it becomes to float.

Staying afloat, however — successfully, at least — isn’t about learning to hang on in there while the waves smash against your skull. It’s about finding out who you are and recognizing your value.

You only let people mistreat you consistently if you don’t feel worthwhile. Their negative behavior (although their fault, not yours) shows what you will put up with according to how important or insignificant you imagine you are.

Rise up

Challenges in which people behave badly toward you beg you to rise. They require you to learn your value and find inner strength. Once you note your significance, courage grows, and you react powerfully, not with aggression but with the strength that’s been inside you all along.

Unkind words bounce off you at such a time because you understand they don’t resemble the truth. You recognize you need not put up with bullying behavior and reach out for help or change your course alone.

You might stop seeing so-called friends who refuse to treat you with love. There’s no need to get angry or hate them — that’s counterproductive — but you can show them something new and helpful. Stand up for yourself, and they will behave differently (because they want to) or back off.

It’s not my place to advise anyone what to say or whether to remain attached to someone who is a negative influence on them, but it’s okay for me to say rise. Dig deep, recognize your value, feed a sense of worthiness with powerful self-talk, and shine.

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Bridget Webber writes articles for magazines and websites; she often ghostwrites for professionals who can’t spare the time to pen compositions. She’s written poetry eBooks and is featured in several leading publications.