Stop Trying to Overcome Self-Doubt

Feeling inadequate? Embracing self-doubt is the only way to overcome it.

Self-doubt is not a new-age issue. In fact, if we look back at the most brilliant works of classic literature, we can find countless examples of insecure heroes who were still larger than life.

Think about Hamlet and the way he wages an internal war against himself.

Better yet, if we go back to the Greek philosophers, we will soon discover that Socrates questioned his own judgment about anything and everything.

He doubted himself so much that “this recognition led him to avoid endorsing or believing particular answers to his questions, and motivated him to go around town asking others for their answers and making awkward observations about their replies.” (Roush 2017)

And how about Napoleon:

“What really motivated Napoleon was his profound insecurity. The fact that he was the son of a pushy snob from a smelly little hick town in Corsica stayed with him, and manifested into an absolute plethora of complexes. He was physically insecure, because he was small. He was socially insecure, because of his father. He was sexually insecure, as he didn’t have much luck with girls. And he was intellectually insecure — although he read voraciously, this reading was very haphazard and you can see from his notes that he misunderstood certain books. He was always showing off his knowledge of literature, which is a sure mark of self-doubt.” — Adam Zamoyski for BBC.

We’re not all philosophers, Danish princes or French Dictators, but we can relate to the fundamental question: Am I adequate?

The Genesis of Self-Doubt

Scientists have discovered that we all follow a trajectory characterized by huge fluctuations in our self-worth (Robins & Trzesniewski 2005).

We are born into relatively high self-esteem, and we tend to hold an unrealistically positive view of ourselves and others during the first several years of life. We are intrepid and a bit naive.

It is only later when we start receiving external feedback (from teachers, peers, parents) that we develop a more cynical perspective.

Dr. Nathaniel Branden, the pioneer of the Self-Esteem movement and the author of The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, says that self-esteem consists of two components:

• self-efficacy — the confidence we possess when facing challenges in life
• self-respect — the sense we are worthy of happiness

Self-doubt stems from the lack of one of the two… but not necessarily both.

Hence, someone with self-efficacy deficiency may feel like a mere spectator of their own destiny — like someone who is “a victim of events.”

On the other hand, that person can nurture healthy relationships and mutual regard within their community (family, partners, friends) i.e. they can still have high self-respect.

The reverse is also true: some people have perfect faith in their abilities, and they do very well in life, but at the same time, they don’t quite believe that they deserve personal happiness.

These people often wish that they were happier, but they don’t believe they can be.

In other words, self-doubt can manifest in various ways, and it’s something we develop because of our surroundings. Over time, the way we feel about ourselves can change — for better or for worse.

Self-Doubt and Growth

“Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t — you’re right.” ― Henry Ford

Self-doubt is not just about what we desire to change. There is also a matter of believing whether our abilities are fixed and innate or alterable.

A study investigating the underlying assumptions we may hold about our abilities revealed that “for participants who believed ability was relatively fixed, higher self-doubt was associated with increased negative affect and lower task performance and engagement. In contrast, for participants who believed that ability was malleable, negative self-doubt effects were ameliorated; self-doubt was even associated with better task performance.” (Zhao and Wichman 2015)

It seems we are quick to jump to conclusions about what we can and can’t do. Also, it turns out that self-doubt can be useful to us if we allow ourselves to believe we can change and grow.

Of course, this belief isn’t easy to sustain.

In an increasingly competitive and challenging world, self-doubt has become one of the most undesirable traits. Confidence is very highly prized in professional contexts, especially in leadership positions. In many cases, we’re expected to show no self-doubt at all.

But that’s not a healthy outlook.

Doubt is a natural consequence of making decisions. It’s what helps us make good choices and really think things through.

People who appear to be overly confident are often trying to hide major insecurities and deficiencies.

All that bluster and chest-puffing could be a consequence of reaction formation — a defense mechanism whereby an unwanted thought or emotion is replaced with the opposed thought or feeling.

For example, someone who feels extremely insecure about their abilities might want to have public displays of firmness and nerve just to prove themselves, and this often has dangerous consequences.

Can we turn ourselves into 100% confident individuals? Probably not, nor should we. That world would look like an arena of ferocious warriors where only the fittest get to survive.

What Lies Underneath It All?

“It’s not all bad. Heightened self-consciousness, apartness, an inability to join in, physical shame and self-loathing — they are not all bad. Those devils have been my angels. Without them I would never have disappeared into language, literature, the mind, laughter and all the mad intensities that made and unmade me.” — Stephen Fry

When talking about impostor syndrome, I kept going back to one thing — the quest for perfectionism and its role in the way we see ourselves. It is one of the main reasons why we always feel like we’re underperforming as we perpetually try to reach some ideal goal. But is perfectionism all that good?

Unhealthy self-criticism is reflected in perfectionism. If we are dissatisfied with what we currently are, what we are doing, and achieving, we keep telling ourselves “I have to work perfectly” or “I have to be perfect.”

It is essential to see that real perfection doesn’t exist, and these (irrational) beliefs cannot guide us to succeed.

Self-criticism is not necessarily a bad thing, provided that indicates an aspect we can work on to make something better. But when it starts consuming our entire being, that’s when the trouble begins.

Healthy self-criticism is directed towards specific behavior. Unhealthy self-criticism targets our entire personality, while neglecting everything valuable, positive, and desirable in us.

Self-criticism usually indicates the difference between the current and the desired state. Accepting the current situation with the desire (and not the expectation) for it to be different (as we imagined, as we would like) is useful. It drives us to think about possible ways to change.

Embrace Doubt But Don’t Let It Sabotage You

All in all, having some self-doubt is natural, and it can help you become better at everything you do.

But there are situations where self-doubt puts us as an unnecessary disadvantage. We have to take that into account when we’re making important decisions.

Take any job advertisement out there. Employers want candidates who can:

• Demonstrate why they are a good fit for the position
• Be proactive and innovative
• Be goal-oriented
• Demonstrate strong communication skills, etc.

Many people who are ideal for the position won’t even go as far as to apply, let alone show up for an interview.

They’ll read the list of high expectations, and then self-doubt will sneak in. They will conclude that they aren’t proactive/innovative/goal-oriented/communicative enough, even though that is a wholly subjective judgment, and there’s no way to tell what the real expectations are in any given workplace.

According to statistics published in Harvard Business Review, the situation is far worse for women. When asked about the reason they don’t apply for a job, 22% said that they didn’t want to put themselves out there because they were likely to fail. Only 13% of men indicated this same reason.

If you’re hoping to try something new, self-doubt isn’t your friend. You don’t have enough information for healthy self-criticism — for example, you can’t tell how well you’ll do in a job you’ve never had before. All the doubt you’re feeling about this new challenge comes from generalizations and other unhealthy self-criticisms.

So be mindful of your perfectionist tendencies, and don’t let self-doubt stop you in your tracks.