Stop Telling Me I Can’t Make a Living on Medium

It’s arrogant to suggest I can’t support a family on $17.68 a month

I like a challenge.

As a single father of five probably hypothetical children, money is tight. My genius invention that was going to pull us out of poverty — Sneeze in a Bottle — couldn’t have hit the market at a worse time last year.

My hypothetical wife left me because, even in my imagination, I don’t deserve happiness.

And so, I came to this website after learning of the vast riches on offer. But now, when I browse my homepage, all I see is doom and gloom.

“You can’t make a living here unless you were present at the conception of the platform,” the naysayers, err, say.

“You’ve missed the boat.”

“It’s irresponsible to raise a family on nothing but hopes, prayers, and a tear-stained keyboard.”

Well, I’m here to tell the haters to stick it.

Sure, the first month was tough. I made $7.70.

Sacrifices had to be made. Literal sacrifices — I thought it might please the algorithm. That’s the last time I’ll ever buy white carpets.

“Daddy, when can we go food shopping again?” asked my youngest child, accusingly.

“WHEN I GET CURATED, TIMMY.”

But I didn’t get curated. And Timmy and his siblings grew ever more resentful that their father was failing in his duties, and also that — of all the hypothetical scenarios in which they could have found themselves — they wound up here.

“Can’t you create a hypothetical scenario in which you’ve inherited a huge sum of money and have complete financial freedom?” my eldest son, Todd, asked.

I had to admit, he reminded me a lot of myself. I hated him.

“That doesn’t fit with the premise of this story,” I responded. “Suffering builds character. And your hypothetical character is built on nothing but suffering. So suck it up and eat the rest of your rat.”

Our struggles would be short-lived. Last month, I made $17.68. This month, I’m almost at $10, and we’re only halfway through.

Enough money to provide for a hypothetical family? With smart budgeting, I think so. Having five small mouths to feed is infinitely easier when they’re hypothetical.

Do I make more money in under an hour writing content about concrete, or plumbing, or moisturizers, for paying clients? Yes. Yes, I do.

But I can’t handle the predictability of it all. Where is the excitement when I know exactly how much I’ll be paid? I’d rather have a 99.7% chance of earning twelve cents and an elusive shot at virality.

I’m a gambler who’s chasing this dopamine dragon wherever it leads me.

Can I live on $17.68 a month, with a minuscule chance of making vast riches?

I can’t live without it.