Stop Saying the Kids are My Responsibility in the Face of School Closures

When we all know it takes a village.

Last week was a difficult week for me. I was on edge as a teacher and a mother of three young boys because school boards were supposed to tell us if we were returning to face-to-face learning. The kids haven’t been in school since mid-April due to the third wave of Covid-19 here in Ontario, Canada.

There were many strong opinions being shared on social media. While one side felt that students should stay safe at home, experts such as pediatricians, said that even a few weeks of in-person learning counts, particularly when the mental health of our youth has already been poorly impacted.

After tweeting my opinion on prioritizing the mental health of students by getting them back in the classroom, someone commented on how the kids are my responsibility and school is not babysitting. In fact, this statement has been made towards working moms like me throughout the pandemic.

Unfortunately, some students, parents, and staff were disappointed to learn that we were not returning to face-to-face learning. But that wasn’t the only disappointment. It was also disappointing to have worked so hard as a mom and a teacher throughout the pandemic only to have others gaslight me.

Please stop telling me that my kids are my responsibility anyways, and so I should not depend on the school system. We all know that the well-being of our children takes a village from the school and the local community to friends, family, and extra-curricular activities.

We were never meant to parent alone, so don’t make it seem like this is normal.

Online Learning Is Not for Everyone

When it comes to the online education of elementary students, people tend to picture children actively participating in it. But my kids are very social and active. They are so active that they want to go outside when it’s online gym class, instead of pretending to do exercise in front of the laptop.

Then there are the kids with anxiety about the technology. What about the kid who is too anxious to even log on or show their face? As a high school teacher, there are more and more students every year who suffer from anxiety, and the pandemic has only exasperated it.

My sons hate online learning, because they miss recess, gym class, and being in a classroom, sociably learning with their friends. They miss the school community. They miss the funfair they used to have every June at the school.

My eldest was able to do just enough to maintain his marks. However, this was only because last year we had to finally fall back on medication to manage his ADHD. Pre-Covid he had managed his condition naturally via sports and accommodations to his education.

On the other hand, my younger kids in grade 1 and JK, hate school right now and they don’t want to do online work. So I have given up. I will be salvaging their mental health this month and getting them outside with friends as much as possible instead of forcing them to do more online school work.

If they failed to get us back into the classroom, then they should have ended the school year early instead of making students feel obligated to stay in front of the computer.

Working Moms Paid a Hefty Price

As a working mother, the pandemic has been exceptionally difficult in so many ways. I went from having helping hands in the community, family, and school, to suddenly only having myself and my husband to assist in the children’s education, exercise, well-being, and nourishment.

Sure, of course overseeing this is my responsibility as their mother. Yet, in normal times I have support. I am not breaking my back doing it all by myself. How I managed to keep my sanity I do not know but I made it this far, as did many others, and the school boards couldn’t even reward our efforts by getting the kids back to school for the last few weeks of the term.

I don’t only say this as a parent, but also as a teacher. As a working woman who had no need to be professionally dressed to go to work, working from home has been hard on my mental health. When I am at work, I have a life.

I sometimes used to go out for lunch with colleagues. As I said, I had a life. In being a working mom my identity and sense of self have been challenged. I can only imagine what it has been like for my own students.

When speaking to my students many of them also were looking forward to returning to school and were disappointed to hear the news. I wanted to meet my grade 9 students who I have only met online, but that won’t be happening. Nor will they be able to make some new friends at school before summer.

Kids’ Mental Health Has Suffered Enough

Sometimes I feel that I am being gaslit with an alternative version of reality when I try to explain how hard the pandemic has been for some working moms and children. But I am telling you I lost my kids’ souls for a few moments there, especially in the winter.

When I looked into my 11-year-old son's eyes and there was nothing left but the blank stare of a video game zombie, my heart sunk. But I had nothing left to give to him. I was in survival mode myself. And I am not kidding about that.

Eventually, my 7-year-old followed suit. My 5-year-old also spent way too much time on technology. What can I do? Entertain them 24/7? Tell them “no technology” when it was winter and there was nothing else to do while I worked?

Now that the weather is nice and many people have received the first dose of the vaccine, the only thing the kids need is fresh air, exercise, fun, and friends. So that's what I’m focusing on because that’s what makes them happy.

But it’s been challenging to get my 11-year-old to dust himself off. I had to cry to him the other day to convince him to go to his friend’s house to play basketball. He is still in the habit of pandemic inertia that I need to break him from. He was in his room watching his iPad, as he's been accustomed to doing.

I told him he doesn’t have to stay inside anymore. I reminded him and cried to him that he is free to go. I told him to go out on his bike, get lost, and then left his room. It worked. He left the house 20 minutes later.

I planted a seed and watched it grow. It gets better everyday as the kids resume more activities. But still this is what it’s like. So don’t tell me about responsibility.

Oh, I know I am responsible for my children. But is the government or the Minister of Education responsible? Is anyone on the hook for the mess I need to fix all by myself as I reacclimatize my kids back into the real world? Is anyone going to help us get back to the way of life our kids are used to or is this my job alone too?

I have been parenting without the helping hands of my global village for the better part of over a year now. So when we are faced with ongoing school closures, stop gaslighting us when we describe our struggles, and recognize that there are many aspects that play a part in the well-being of our children.

Baby Steps Back

Last week when local restrictions eased and my kids saw their cousins for the first time since last summer to go for a swim at their pool, I told them they were free to just have fun and give hugs. I told them we’d waited long enough, to relax and enjoy it.

But as we walked into the backyard my eldest said, “But daddy hasn't got his second shot yet.”

I said, “Don't worry, it’s okay. We’re ready. We’ve lived in fear long enough.”

Now my need to protect my kids’ mental health outweighs the fear of getting Covid-19, especially considering the vaccination rollout is speeding up.

It was recently my eldest child’s birthday. He spent it with a few friends in the backyard. He also just had the opportunity to play an organized sport again for the first time in many months. It takes time to get back to good times.

But these first steps towards reacclimatizing my children back into their local community now seem to fall into my hands alone, rather than having help from the school community.

Incidentally, the patio bars are opening locally next week…but there was no way to reopen the schools back up. Because that makes sense.

Lindsay Soberano Wilson is the creator of Put It To Rest. Her debut full-length poetry book Hoods of Motherhood: A Collection of Poems (Prolific Pulse Press, May 2023) is available here. Casa de mi Corazón: A Travel Journal of Poetry & Memoir is available at lindsaysoberano.com. Find her on Medium, Instagram, Twitter, or TikTok. Lindsay Soberano-Wilson©2023.

For an interview with the author on being a mom and a teacher in Ontario during the pandemic, see a clip of CBC’s The National:

Put It To Rest is a new publication looking for first-person stories and poems pertaining to mental health: