Stop Saying “I’m Sorry” If You Want To Achieve A Success

Here’s what you should do instead

When you make a mistake, it’s important to recognize and apologize for your error. However, research has found that people who constantly say they’re sorry may not be seen in the best light by others.

An interesting finding of YouGov poll of more than 1,600 British people and 1,000 Americans revealed that there would be approximately 15 British ‘sorries’ for every 10 American ones if they sneezed, if they corrected someone’s mistake, or if someone crashed into them.

The survey, which polled 1,600 British people and 1,000 Americans, showed a few similarities:

• 73% of British people would apologize for interrupting someone, compared to 71% of Americans,
• 60% of British people would apologize when doing someone a favour but getting it wrong, compared to the 58% of Americans.

You don’t need to apologize for the little things, such as sneezing, not having small change in a shop or not holding the door open for somebody. There’s no reason you should feel guilty about yourself being imperfect! Remember it’s a game of intuition. Doing harm or being a jerk deserves an apology.

When you’re in the wrong, it’s not just about being sorry.

If your apology makes others feel bad too then what kind of person are we looking at?

There are aspects that make apologising detrimental to yourself, be it your well-being, social presence or even personal success. Here are things you should absolutely consider before saying “I’m sorry”:

1. Every apology weakens the next one

The threshold for apologies should be a light touch. Too many and it lessens the impact of future ones, so use with discretion!

You remember the story about the boy who cried wolf — you might one day need the credibility for a sincere apology, so do not waste it on meaningless and needless “sorries”.

2. It wreaks havoc on your self-esteem

The act of not apologising has positive effects on your mental health. Yet another study showed that the act of refusing to apologize resulted in greater self-esteem than not refusing to apologize. Another study found, that: “[people with] fragile self-esteem would focus on and respond to the aspects of the apology that confirmed the harm done by the transgressor, rather than the transgressor’s remorse, and thus respond with less forgiveness and more avoidance and revenge than when the transgressor does not apologize”.

3. People will not respect you

People will lose respect for you if your apologies are too often or excessive in nature- so avoid being afraid to admit when something has gone wrong!

It is especially important if you working in a management position. To be a respected leader, you must learn to take criticism and apologize less. Delegating jobs and tasks within agreeable and reasonable scope is not a factor you should be sorry for.

4. It is painful

The study found that when people apologize for their social rejections, they tend to experience more emotional pain than those who don’t. Moreover, the research found that social rejections with apologies cause more aggressive behaviour among people involved.

This might stem from the fact that the person who is rejecting has already made their decision which is packed with negative emotions. That’s how rejections work, unfortunately. Trying to cover it up in an apology just sounds less genuine and honest.

How to apologise less

Apologizing less frequently is tough, but not impossible. Here are a few ways to make the habit easier:

1. Control yourself

You have to be aware of yourself apologising. Stop yourself when an unwarranted “sorry” might pop out of your mind. It’s hard to keep track of how often you apologise, but you can make an effort by thinking about what causes and occasions might call for an apology.

2. Consider if you even should apologise

Apologizing for something out of our control or an honest mistake is nearly never necessary, but owning up when you’re wrong can strengthen your relationships and show that have emotional intelligence.

3. Say the N-word

A simple “no” can effectively shield you from the unnecessary burden of other people’s problems or tasks.

Learn to say no when the opportunity presents itself. Learn how to say no without feeling guilty or remorseful about your decision. It will ultimately lead to more satisfaction at work as well as on personal levels.

4. Anti-apologise

Anti-apologising would be saying something instead of the words “I’m sorry”. For example, let’s hop into the next section.

Things to say instead of “I’m Sorry”

There are a number of ways to apologize without sounding trite or insincere, but there’s one thing that will make your message even more genuine and meaningful: not asking for forgiveness.

The main tenet is that you might still act politely without the need to use the S-word. Try the following vocabulary changes for yourself:

1. Instead of “I’m sorry for being late,” try saying: “Thank you for waiting for me.”
2. Instead of “I’m sorry for interrupting,” try saying: “Great point, and I would like to add…”
3. Instead of “Sorry for making that mistake” try saying: “Thank you for pointing out that flaw of mine.”
4. Instead of “Sorry for having to cease cooperation with you” try saying: “Thank you for working with me for that period, but we will cease cooperation with you.”
5. Instead of “Sorry, but I don’t think I see it that way,” try saying: “Your viewpoint is really interesting, but I have a different opinion.”
6. Instead of “Sorry for making you listen to that,” try saying: “Thank you for listening.”
7. Instead of “Sorry, but I have a question…” try saying: “I’d like to ask a question, please.”

The path to mastering workplace communication is not an easy one, but with a little bit of effort on your part, it can be accomplished. If you think about it, it is a habit you might develop over time should you invest just a little effort into it.

If you would like to do that, why don’t you start today? I suggest you try using the 30-day trialling method I described in another article of mine:

Sorry isn’t cutting it anymore; success requires understanding why things happened and learning from our mistakes so they never happen again. Instead of saying that you’re sorry, focus on what can be improved.

Saying that you are sorry is bad for another reason. It is a cheap slogan, somewhat of a fit-for-all type. There are obviously times when an appropriate apology is needed. But then you should assess the situation and the harm done. Apologizing is a two-way street. You need to go the extra mile and show your regret or offer something up in return for what was done wrong- because after all this might mean everything to the other person.

Hi, it’s Eric. Thank you for reading. I hope you’ve found the article at least slightly compelling. What can you do now?

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