Stop Pretending You Want To Be Friends With Your Crush

Summary

The article advises against pretending to want friendship with a crush after being rejected, emphasizing the importance of honesty and self-worth to move on and heal from rejection.

Abstract

The author discusses the pitfalls of accepting a platonic relationship with someone one has romantic feelings for, drawing from a personal anecdote where a friend endured significant emotional pain by trying to maintain a friendship with his crush after she began dating someone else. The article suggests that it's better to be honest about one's feelings and not force a friendship that could lead to more heartache. It advocates for setting personal boundaries, taking time to heal, and not feeling obligated to remain friends, especially if it jeopardizes one's mental health. The author offers resources for moving on and suggests that by valuing oneself, individuals can open up to new opportunities and relationships that are more reciprocal and fulfilling.

Opinions

Pursuing friendship with a crush who doesn't reciprocate romantic feelings can lead to additional emotional pain.
It's crucial to be honest with oneself and others about one's true intentions in a relationship.
Accepting a friendship under the guise of hoping for a romantic outcome is unhealthy and sets false expectations.
Individuals should prioritize their mental health and emotional well-being over maintaining a friendship with someone they have romantic feelings for.
Taking a break or cutting ties with the person you have a crush on can be an effective way to heal from rejection.
The author believes that there are plenty of opportunities to find someone who will appreciate you without the need for games or persuasion.
The article encourages readers to have the courage to pursue genuine relationships and to not settle for less than they deserve.
It's important to recognize that you do not owe anyone friendship, and it's okay to walk away from a situation that is not serving your best interests.

Sometimes you just need to be honest instead of putting yourself through more pain

Not long ago, I was playing agony aunt for a close friend. He had finally told the girl he had been crushing on for months how he felt. Against my advice, he sent her an agonizing three-page WhatsApp message confessing his feelings. He genuinely thought this would work given how he had been the perfect partner in waiting. I still cringe thinking about it, but that’s a topic for another day.

Unsurprisingly, he was forced to endure the dreaded “Let’s be friends speech”. As distraught as he was, he accepted the offer of friendship. He continued to spend hours on the phone listening to problems, organizing fun activities and dropping everything to make himself available to her.

Only a few weeks later, she started dating a guy she met on Tinder. All hell broke loose as my friend struggled to cope with what happened.

But the brutal truth is — what did he expect? His choice to accept friendship was his own — nobody forced him. Did he expect her to never date anyone else or treat him differently to other mates? The truth is he never wanted to be friends; he only wanted to date her. His inability to be honest and accept rejection led him to even more pain. It’s a sobering thought for us all.

And that’s why I write this today. If you’re in love with a friend or have been recently rejected, it’s OK to stop pretending you want friendship when you secretly desire something more.

In the same way that nobody owes you their feelings, you don’t owe anyone friendship — especially when your mental health is at risk. No one wants to see the person they like fall into the arms of someone else. None of us want the pain of listening to our crush talk about their new exciting love interest. The problem is so many of us are reluctant to take a stand and draw personal boundaries because we secretly want to win them over and are scared of loss.

For most, the simplest most effective solution is to give themselves space and cut the person out. Maybe temporarily, maybe forever. Until you have healed the wounds of rejection, you will always struggle. Don’t be concerned with what they might say or how they might react — this about you and no one else.

If you’re worried that you won’t be able to cope without that person or don’t know how to move on, I’ve got you covered with this guide. It’s time to begin operating from an abundance mindset. There will be others and, most importantly, someone who appreciates you for who you are — without games or sales pitches. This is a golden opportunity to demonstrate your self-worth by drawing personal boundaries and having the guts to pursue what you want.

Make up for the time you’ve lost, and open yourself up to all the world has got to give. And hey, if you want to be friends — best of luck to you. Just make sure you can handle seeing that person with someone else, and that you are moving forward with your own life.

Make it happen.

Fed up with repeating patterns in dating? Or perhaps you’re ready to attract the love you deserve.

I’ve helped 100s of clients crush overthinking, heal the pain of rejection and become their most attractive selves.

If that sounds interesting, why not book a FREE Breakthrough Call — let’s see how we can make it happen.