LIFE LESSONS

Stop Playing Small — The World Needs All That You’ve Got!

This quote punched me in the face

Everyone was talking simultaneously, and it was hard to follow one conversation. I was standing in my friend Mark’s kitchen for the first time. Folks were hugging and catching up.

I, however, was distracted.

Scanning the magnets on the fridge, I’d eyed the usual travel destination variety, then my eyes fell to an artistic magnet with a lengthy quote.

I leaned in for a read and became transfixed.

One passage in particular stood out to me —

“Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you… as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.”

It was like a punch in the solar plexus.

And while my friends gabbed and chatted, oblivious, I was almost overcome with emotion, almost sobbing — for it had hit its mark and found a truth. And it stung.

Many of you will no doubt recognize the above as part of a longer quote sometimes attributed to Nelson Mandella but in truth was penned by author and spiritualist, Marianne Williamson.

I’d never seen it before, yet felt like a stranger had just given me an appraising glance or once-over and honed in on the unfortunate truth of my personality.

I was the king, the king!, of playing it small. The big leagues weren’t for me.

Safe and small.

Playing it safe, thinking small.

And seething with discontent at the same time. Always annoyed I wasn’t further along in life, living up to my potential.

A poster-child for analysis paralysis. Wanting to be recognized for my gifts, yet secretly believing there was something inherently bad about being a confident person, about succeeding, thriving. There was something conceited about getting attention, and therefore it was better to keep one’s head down, hope not to be noticed, and just kind of blow sideways through life.

The quote sitting there before me was correct. I’d developed the habit of shrinking myself, of worrying, not wanting to hurt anyone’s feelings with my potential greatness, my success, my talents. I didn’t want to be one of “those people” and therefore I was dimming my light, I was “lessening” me so that others would be more comfortable, could shine.

Being good at something or being a success made you an asshole. Better to just be a lesser-than on the sideline, silently judging, silently seething, feeling stuck and dissatisfied.

Not to put too fine a point on it, but how fucked up is that?

That a 31-year-old me was afraid to be confident, afraid to shine and show that I had something worth offering this world?

But apparently it wasn’t just me

Ms. Williamson’s quote had resonated enough to be re-quoted and mass produced in books and on inspirational posters, magnets and paraphernalia.

There were a lot of us out here!

In that moment though, I’d been called out.

I thought to myself, oh my god, I really do that, don’t I? How… pathetic.

Perhaps it resonates with some of you, today.

Are you playing small? Angry at those who have the audacity to step forward and do something with complete mediocrity, while you sit there on the sidelines because you’ll only take action when it can be perfect?

Years of therapy can help, sure, but thankfully the second half of the quote tells you how to reframe it —

… when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

You might think you’re being a “nice” person by playing small, by not intimidating someone else with your success or brilliance. But in fact, you are doing them (and the world) a disservice.

Give us what you’ve got! There are people out in the world just waiting and needing to be inspired by you — in how you live your life, in how you take risks and go against the grain, in how you create words and art.

Think of all the writers, all the athletes, all the artists and performers who inspire you with their greatness. The Michael Jordans and Roger Federers of the world. The Meryl Streeps and Viola Davis types.

What a shame it would’ve been if they had been too concerned about possibly making us feel bad about ourselves in comparison that they decided not to share their talents.

What a waste. What a loss.

I’m happy to say I’ve flourished and grown in the years since happening upon that quote, but it sure was a wake-up call. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking to please others. There are way too many people out there just giving us 40 percent of their magic.

Don’t be one of them. We need you at 100 percent, baby!

Give us what you’ve got. Know that haters are gonna hate, sure, but more importantly, there are coworkers, colleagues, friends and strangers who will be positively changed and affected for the better because you were brave enough to shine your brilliance at 100 percent.

You can be a light. A beacon. Someone others look to as an example of authenticity and living their purpose.

In a world of so much darkness, be that light.

© Joe Guay, 2024

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