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Abstract

Mom, it’s okay. You don’t need to justify why you can’t come.”She didn’t want to say no since she felt it would disappoint me, but she shouldn’t have felt this way in the first place.<h1 id="0d80">Stop Making Up Excuses</h1>We tend to come up with excuses as this helps us rationalize our decisions. Saying no — especially to someone close to you — can give you a sense of guilt. You will try and come up with a defense in an attempt to make yourself feel less bad about rejecting someone.“No is a complete sentence. It does not require an explanation to follow. You can truly answer someone’s request with a simple no.” — Sharon E. Rainey, The Best Part of My Day Healing JournalI came to this realization when I started my first “adult” job. I was so used to giving endless excuses when I wasn’t able to make it to work: I have a fever, my stomach hurts, I got no sleep, I’m fatigued, etc. All of my colleagues would give a simple “I’m sick and cannot come in today”. Needless to say, I was surprised.How can you say no without all the guilt that comes with it?<h1 id="2be7">Be Direct and Firm</h1>No answer is worse than a maybe when you already know your true answer is no. Do everyone a favor and be as straight-forward as possible.Here are some good examples of being direct:“No, I can’t today.”“Thank you, but I’m busy!”It would be a waste of time to give vague answers such as “I might be able to, but I’m not sure right now” when you know your response will be no. It makes you appear undecided and gives them the idea you could say yes in the future.<h1 id="0b5a">Avoid Over-Apologi

Options

zing</h1>Saying sorry is not always bad, but there is no need to over-apologize when saying no. This makes it seem like you did something wrong, but you haven’t.The most helpful way to stop over-apologizing is to stop starting your sentences with “sorry” as much as possible. I also find it useful to say thank you as well.“I’m sorry, but I can’t go. I have homework due tonight and I have to wake up early.”You can shorten this to simply “Thank you, but I can’t go”. This takes away from having to apologize as well as making up excuses.If you make someone upset by declining an offer, don’t sweat it. To be blunt and honest with you, nobody cares about what you are doing. People live in their own little world.<h1 id="040b">Make Sure To Offer Alternatives</h1>If you say no too often, eventually people will stop reaching out to you. Offering an alternative is a great way to show that you are still interested.“No, I can’t today. Would tomorrow work?”You could also say something on the lines of, “I’m a bit busy right now. I’ll reach back out to you once I'm available.”Remember — be firm and direct. You don’t want to make false promises.Saying no feels freeing. You finally begin to feel like you have a sense of control in your life. You’ll see improvements in your self-confidence as you begin to say no more often; it gets easier as time goes on.Having less on your plate helps reduce stress and gives you more time to think about what you want in life. When you begin to say no, you’ll begin to value your time more and focus on what is important to you.</article></body>

Stop Giving Excuses — Saying No Is Enough

You don’t have to be a people-pleaser forever.

I’ve always been the person to have a hard time saying no to someone. Whether it’s an invite to a dinner or being asked to take on another task at work, I’ve always felt the need to say yes. The more I said yes, the harder it was to say no.

And whenever I didn’t want to do something, I gave endless excuses and apologies for why I couldn't. Why did I do this? It’s simple — I am a people-pleaser.

The main reason I have a hard time saying no is that I want others to like me, and I’m sure many of you have felt the same way at some point in time.

What Makes It Hard To Say No?

I find people have a hard time saying no because they don’t want to disappoint someone nor damage the relationship.

Here’s what my mom said to me the other day after she was invited to go on a boat ride:

“I can’t go to the lake because I want to be home when my husband gets home.”

She then goes on to explain why she could not go out on the lake: we would have to stop to refuel, it takes too long to dock the boat, then it would take 30 minutes to get home. What if there is traffic? What if he gets home early?

After two minutes of her explaining why she could not go, I told her, “Mom, it’s okay. You don’t need to justify why you can’t come.”

She didn’t want to say no since she felt it would disappoint me, but she shouldn’t have felt this way in the first place.

Stop Making Up Excuses

We tend to come up with excuses as this helps us rationalize our decisions. Saying no — especially to someone close to you — can give you a sense of guilt. You will try and come up with a defense in an attempt to make yourself feel less bad about rejecting someone.

“No is a complete sentence. It does not require an explanation to follow. You can truly answer someone’s request with a simple no.” — Sharon E. Rainey, The Best Part of My Day Healing Journal

I came to this realization when I started my first “adult” job. I was so used to giving endless excuses when I wasn’t able to make it to work: I have a fever, my stomach hurts, I got no sleep, I’m fatigued, etc. All of my colleagues would give a simple “I’m sick and cannot come in today”. Needless to say, I was surprised.

How can you say no without all the guilt that comes with it?

Be Direct and Firm

No answer is worse than a maybe when you already know your true answer is no. Do everyone a favor and be as straight-forward as possible.

Here are some good examples of being direct:

“No, I can’t today.”

“Thank you, but I’m busy!”

It would be a waste of time to give vague answers such as “I might be able to, but I’m not sure right now” when you know your response will be no. It makes you appear undecided and gives them the idea you could say yes in the future.

Avoid Over-Apologizing

Saying sorry is not always bad, but there is no need to over-apologize when saying no. This makes it seem like you did something wrong, but you haven’t.

The most helpful way to stop over-apologizing is to stop starting your sentences with “sorry” as much as possible. I also find it useful to say thank you as well.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t go. I have homework due tonight and I have to wake up early.”

You can shorten this to simply “Thank you, but I can’t go”. This takes away from having to apologize as well as making up excuses.

If you make someone upset by declining an offer, don’t sweat it. To be blunt and honest with you, nobody cares about what you are doing. People live in their own little world.

Make Sure To Offer Alternatives

If you say no too often, eventually people will stop reaching out to you. Offering an alternative is a great way to show that you are still interested.

“No, I can’t today. Would tomorrow work?”

You could also say something on the lines of, “I’m a bit busy right now. I’ll reach back out to you once I'm available.”

Remember — be firm and direct. You don’t want to make false promises.

Saying no feels freeing. You finally begin to feel like you have a sense of control in your life. You’ll see improvements in your self-confidence as you begin to say no more often; it gets easier as time goes on.

Having less on your plate helps reduce stress and gives you more time to think about what you want in life. When you begin to say no, you’ll begin to value your time more and focus on what is important to you.