Stop Carrying Other People’s Baggage

Eliminating the unnecessary drama in your life

You don’t want to be angry and upset all the time. Yet it happens. Other people’s behavior impacts how you feel and how your day goes. Whether mild or severe, the actions of others can turn your world upside down.

You need not keep letting those instances happen. Here’s how you can start living and becoming a happier, healthier you.

When someone upsets you, a whole surge of thoughts and feelings will go through your body. Your focus narrows. Like a laser beam, all you could see is the target of your anger. The world around you becomes blurry. But before you do anything, pause… take a deep breath. Don’t react straight away because you’re going to end up doing something you regret because at the moment you can’t think straight.

You know the saying; people’s behavior is a statement of who they are as a human being. It has nothing to do with you, right? Still, it’s hard to ignore when emotions flare under the surface the moment anyone mistreats you badly or upsets you.

There is no reason to take everything personally. People will upset you, but it doesn’t mean that you ought to read into it or think it has anything to do with who you are. Let’s accept the fact. Everyone has issues of their own which are driving their behavior. Perhaps they are just having a crappy day.

Have you considered perhaps most of the things you get upset about aren’t your issues? For example, the driver who cuts you off at traffic this morning. Think about it. Their driving is not your issue. Your concern should be about arriving safely to your destination. What about the lazy co-worker who isn’t doing his share of the work? That’s not your issue either. All you need to focus on is your own wonderful work.

Someone unfriended and blocked you on social media? Well, not your issue. You can assume and decide they are not worth your time and move on to other things which excites you.

When someone upsets you, it’s easy to go into detective mode, trying to figure out why. Why do things like this keep happening? Was it something I did? Is there someone else?

Differences of opinions will arise. That does not indicate one person is right, and the other is wrong. You simply disagree. Everyone functions within their sets of belief system. Confrontations are not always necessary.

It’s easy to get caught up in other people’s issues, and if you’re not careful, their problems become more interesting to you than your own.

You don’t need to know all the answers. In fact, you’re not supposed to. Things can be as simple or as complicated as you decide for it to be. The need to know why certain events occur doesn’t even matter. But going through the problem over and over in your head will not do any good for your mental health or your relationships. No doubt it’ll make you feel you’re going out of your mind.

Here are six steps you can take when you’re caught in someone else’s problem that upsets you.

1. Let people be themselves

Watching someone you love battling with an issue or dealing with a poor decision is tough. You’d naturally want to help. You want to buck them up and make their lives easier and more joyful. You’d want to clean up their mess and relieve their suffering.

Let’s get this straight. With your best intentions, you cannot control other people. Despite your desire to help, you can’t fix or solve other people’s problems. Attempting to do so often makes things worse.

If you’re frequently frustrated that someone doesn’t take your advice or want your help, it’s time to leave them alone. Let go of them and their issues. That’s their prerogative. You get to decide how much you’re going to let this person’s behavior or response affect you.

2. Identify which part of the problem is in your control

You get sucked into trying to fix things because you’re confused about whose problem it is. You think you’re responsible to solve every problem that comes on your path.

Just because you’re affected by your partner’s attitude or your teenager’s smoking habits doesn’t mean these are problems you can solve. You can’t force them to change. But you can decide what you can do in response to it. You can either change your thinking, change your behavior, or do absolutely nothing. Of course, you can continue to complain, which doesn’t do anyone any good.

Recognize you’re in control here.

Instead of being fixated about wanting to solve other people’s problems and getting angry and upset when they don’t accept your advice, you need to allow them to live their own lives. Let them make their own decisions and mistakes, and deal with the consequences of their choices. This frees you up to focus on what you can control instead.

3. Don’t sink to their level

You’re at the center of your personal subjective experience, just as I’m in the center of mine. In this mindset, it often seems like people are doing things just to get at us. When you’re hurt, your automatic response would be to lash out. You want them to feel the same way they made you feel.

If you act on your pain and do something just to get to the person who hurt you, you’re only going to end up hurting yourself. You may even end up doing or saying things you might regret later.

Instead, try shifting your focus onto things that are more positive and empowering, which will naturally change the way you look at your circumstances. Do things that bring you joy. Work on things that inspire you. It’s easy to get frustrated and resentful when your efforts to solve other’s problems did not pay off. Don’t let events or people dictate your feelings. You’re a lot better than that.

4. Get the focus back on yourself

Let go of the grip you had on them and instead shift your attention inward. Quit investing your energy and time trying to figure everyone out or to prove yourself to them. You only have to be true to one person, and that’s you. Do all you can in your power to be the best person you can possibly be. Be strong and walk away. Bitterness and anger doesn’t do anything positive to your mind and wellbeing. It ruins your life and hinders your happiness. Your life is too precious to spend worrying over things that are not worthwhile.

If you constantly finding yourself in a place of frustration and irritability, and you feel that it is your responsibility to straighten out the issues in your path, you are taking on unnecessary baggage that are weighing you down.

Life is too short for all this drama. You’re better off investing your energy in activities and people that will improve your life.