Stop Calling Them “Healthy” Relationships

A plea to society

The National Domestic Violence Hotline website defines a healthy relationship as one that involves communication, respect, trust, honesty, equality, mutual choices, enjoying personal time, and economic/financial partnership.

I don’t disagree that these are important aspects of a relationship. I think most people agree on the qualities that are crucial to a relationship’s stability.

What I disagree with is the word “healthy.”

What does this even mean?

People say healthy communication is required in a relationship: what does this mean?

The Oxford Dictionary defines “healthy” as “in good health.”

Again, what does this mean?

Am I climbing Mount Everest with my partner? Are we being gluten-free together? Are we trying to grow as old as possible together?

It’s very unclear.

Just like people have a range of ideas of what “healthy” is in terms of food, I believe there is a general spectrum of what “healthy” is in terms of a relationship.

Moreover, this might just be one reason why it’s so hard to figure out what a “healthy relationship” is.

What may work in one relationship may not work in another.

This is why I prefer the word “functional.”

The Oxford Dictionary defines “functional” as:

Of or having a special activity, purpose, or task; relating to the way in which something works or operates.

Designed to be practical and useful, rather than attractive.

A functional relationship is practical, useful, and effective in the way that it works — and within something that functions well, there is functional communication, honesty, trust, equality, and all the other qualities that the National Domestic Violence Hotline definition provides.

It also doesn’t provide a label of good or bad, rather it takes the judgment out of the description: the relationship is either functional or non-functional (or dysfunctional, although I prefer non-functional as dysfunctional inherently has a negative connotation).

It might not sound as fancy, it might not be an adjective that describes a relationship in the way that the media might prefer, but it is honest in what it is, and functional in describing the type of relationship.

What do you think we should use as a label to describe types of relationships?

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