Stop being a hypocrite
Hypocritical behavior will undermine your relationships and your happiness. It’s time for you to stop being fake and start being authentic.
by: E.B. Johnson
Being a part of society is what brings our life comfort and meaning. It seems to be harder and harder to blend happily into western society these days. Why? A lot of of it boils down to our hypocritical behaviors, our hypocritical behaviors, and our inability to question ourselves, limit our judgements, and let go of the hangups we’ve inherited through our families and our experiences.
Hypocritical behavior will get you nowhere.
Not every person who behaves hypocritically is a hypocrite, but every hypocrite behaves hypocritically. The hypocrite is a person who holds themselves high above others, even while they themselves lead a life that is base or without standard. They are our judgmental cousins, and our own tendency to berate, overbuild, and even tear our own selves down.
In general, a hypocrite is someone who says one thing while doing another. The behavior itself is far more complex than that. According to research done by a team at the University of Southern California, to truly exhibit hypocritical behavior, you have to display moral duplicity, moral double standards, and moral weakness too.
Do you want to be someone who is remembered for their judgement of others? Do you want to be remembered as someone that pushed others away or fostered resentment with your backwards behavior and endless judgements? Hypocritical behavior will get you nowhere if true connection and meaning is what you seek in this life. If you truly want to be happy and build a life worth living with others, then you need to learn how to be honest and authentic from the inside out.
The hypocritical behaviors you need to change.
Hypocritical behavior and hypocritical lifestyles are insidious and can creep over us subtly. It’s not always about religious grandstanding or a pompous ego. Once we recognize hypocritical behavior for what it is, we can take steps to correct it and resolve it once and for all.
Flouting the rules
Are you a stickler for the rules? Do you expect everyone around you to follow the rules, but then struggle to follow them yourself? Maybe you get mad at someone for taking a handicapped parking space, then run a red light because you’re in a hurry (and believe your need to arrive is greater than someone else’s potential safety). Flouting the rules — while seeking to punish those who do the same — is hypocritical behavior of the highest degree.
Constant lies
Hypocrites, by definition, are liars. They lie to themselves and they lie to others, all in order to protect the fictional world and fictional reality they build for themselves. The hypocrite tells lies all the time. It’s required in ordered to justify their backward behavior. More subtly, they may also alter opinion in order to gain acceptance from people they hope to manipulate or gain acceptance from. This makes it harder to judge them or estimate their loyalty.
Misaligned deeds
Misaligned deeds are one of the most common signs of hypocritical behavior. When you say one thing and do another, it’s hypocritical. Likewise, if you lecture others about their behavior — then turn the other way when your own loved ones misbehave — you’re exhibiting hypocritical behavior. Fair means fair across the board. We’re not above the rules we decide to set for our lives.
Endless judgement
So many of us struggle with judgmental tendencies, but these judgements are far more toxic than we realize. To judge someone is to behave (or think) hypocritically. We all make mistakes, and we all get things wrong. That’s what unites us in humanity. If you preach tolerance, but cast constant judgement on everyone around you, then you’re being a hypocrite.
Mismatched lives
Do you act one way around others, then differently when you’re alone? While we all have a bit of a public face and a “private” face, by-and-large most of us remain the same person in the street and behind closed doors. The hypocrite leaves a very different life. When the door closes, they become someone unrecognizable. They engage in all the behaviors they condemn in public and go beyond the judgements they cast on others. Their public and private lives don’t align.
Holier-than-thou
Because hypocrites are so judgmental, they come to see themselves as better than the people around them. They may begin to pretend to be someone they aren’t, especially where wealth and status are concerned. This holier-than-thou image is sidelined by reckless behavior, though, and a superiority complex which makes it impossible to connect to others on a deep and lasting level.
False intentions
Hypocrites are the great with false intentions, but unlike manipulators they aren’t always aware of their actions. To this type of hypocritical person, they pretend to care only when it’s self-serving. They help only when there’s a guarantee of something beneficial in return (be it tangible or intangible). They are takers to the highest degree, but they refuse to give when their own efforts are investment are called into question.
How to stop behaving hypocritically.
You don’t have to be a hypocrite or live a hypocritical life forever. You can wake yourself up and learn how to live in equity and charity with those around you. Drop the judgements and start being honest with yourself about yourself. Lose your inner critic, question everything, and focus always on respect. Then, you can lead a more honest and authentically aligned life.
1. Stop judging others
The single greatest trait which all hypocritical people share is their (almost) compulsive need to judge others outside of themselves. It can feel as though they are looking for something to complain about. They will pick apart every flaw, every mistake, and condemn it as an act worth absolute punishment. When the time comes for their own judgement, though, they run for the hills or explode.
If you truly want to stop struggling up hill in your own life, then you need to cut out the judgements that are creating rifts and conflict in your life. There is no journey on this planet you need to worry about more than your own; no struggle or challenge that you will not also face in due time.
There is no one person who is any better than any other in this life. We all have a right to happiness, and we all have a right to an environment that is safe and stable for us and those we love. Know that the person you’re looking at on the other side of the table is the same. They have the same emotions and experiences as you. Love them for who you are and leave the judgements behind.
2. Be honest with yourself
Hypocrites get stuck in their hypocritical cycles because they never find the bravery to pull their head out of the sand and see life for what it really is. While we all perceive our realities differently, we’re all living in the same world governed by the same decisions and mistakes. If you want to move into a heightened state of thinking, then you have to start being brutally honest with yourself about all the lies you’ve told.
Start the process of questioning everything you know and love, but begin the process slowly. Look at your life for what it really is. Do you walk the walk you preach to others? Do you hound your own life, and the life of your loved ones, and insist on the same moral rigidity?
It’s time to consciously question yourself and where your decisions come from. Are you being authentic in word and in deed? Are you living a life that’s authentic to who you are and who you love. Journal a little each day and try to focus on the practices which are not bringing you closer to your sense of self. Living aligned to our deeper truths allows peace and positive feedback to enter through the door of life.
3. Lose your inner critic
While an inner critic can push us to do better, they can also push us to go far beyond the normal bounds of what we want to do, and what we should have done. When our inner critic runs unchecked, we become mired in a world of negativity and resentment. Hating the world around us, we lash out at others and tear them down just like we tear ourselves down from the inside out.
You need to lose your inner critic so that you can make authentic choices that don’t come from a place of fear or regret. Imagine your inner critic was a driver sitting behind the wheel of the car you’re riding in. Now, imagine taking over the car and putting yourself in the driver’s seat every day.
Although it may sound like a small exercise, it slowly allows your mind to understand that you’re taking back power from your inner critic. Let their voice grow smaller and smaller, and is it fades, replace all those negative thoughts with positive ones instead. The happier you are on the inside, the easier it becomes to be trusting, tolerant, and open to those who are different from you and your personal beliefs.
4. Question everything
When was the last time you questioned or analyzed your core beliefs? Do you ever question the lessons that were handed down to you by family? What about the lessons you’ve learned more recently? Have you learned to question the feelings that you feel when things go wrong or things go right? This is how we develop our ability to think critically and therefore resolve our need to judge others.
Moving beyond our hypocritical behavior requires that we question our beliefs and correct them when we’re wrong. This is something which has to be done consciously and it has to be done mindfully and with the right intentions.
When you feel the judgemental urges rushing in, stop long enough to question them. Are you really mad at someone for doing something “wrong” or are you upset because their beliefs are different from yours and that makes you uncomfortable? You need to be honest with yourself and follow up that honesty with action which shifts your environment in the ways it needs to be shifted.
5. Focus on respect
The nastiest hypocrites in our lives are those with explosive tempers, short fuses, and abhorrent beliefs. They spew all over anyone who will listen, and they’re willing to attack anyone’s worldview that doesn’t sit with their reality. They don’t respect others because they’re too busy trying to control them, but the only person they can control (in order to be happy) is themselves.
If you want to cast your hypocritical tendencies to the side, then you need to consider making respect the focal point of everything you do. The people around us deserve to be respected — whether we like their opinion or not.
Respect others, as you expect to be respected. Give them their own space to be who they want to be and know that you’re free to remove yourself if you don’t like it. By respecting one another, we leave ourselves free to trust and to connect despite our differences. This increases our chances of opening up and being more honest with one another, and it increases our changes of bettering who we are.
Putting it all together…
It’s time for you to put your hypocritical behavior behind you, but to do that you first have to fess up to your two-sided nature. You have to admit when you’re lying to yourself, and you have to admit when you’re judging others. Then you can take action and make positive leaps forward to improve the way in which you connect with others and your future.
Stop judging others and stop judging yourself too. We’re all doing the best we can with what we have, and we all ultimately want a peaceful life for ourselves and those we care about. Be honest with yourself and admit your own flaws, rather than seeking to feel better by flexing a false sense of superiority over someone else. Kick your inner critic to the curb and replace that negative voice with a positive one who reminds you to live authentically as you are. Question everything — especially yourself — and stop allowing the whims and the beliefs of others to impact the way in which you see the world. Above all else, though, focus on respect. We all have a right to lead the lives that provide us with meaning. Allow others to live in the light of their happiness and you focus on your own. When we learn to live and let live, we learn to let our hypocritical behavior go too.
