Stop Asking Why

Summary

The article emphasizes the importance of reducing the tendency to constantly ask "Why?" and the benefits of letting go of the need to question and explain every event in life.

Abstract

The author reflects on the early influence of their sixth-grade teacher, Mr. Schouten, who encouraged them to ask questions to shape stories. This habit of questioning every aspect of life led to an endless pursuit of answers, particularly focusing on assigning blame with the question "Why?". The article suggests that this constant questioning can be detrimental, creating unnecessary narratives that complicate life. Instead, the author advocates for mindfulness and acceptance, proposing that dropping the compulsive need to ask "Why?" can lead to a lighter, easier existence, free from self-imposed stories that often serve to justify, explain, or blame.

Opinions

The author acknowledges the value of asking questions in storytelling and learning, as instilled by their teacher.
Over time, the author realized that the relentless questioning, especially asking "Why?", often served to assign blame rather than to understand.
The article posits that too many questions lead to too many stories, which can be counterproductive to living in the present.
Socrates' famous quote is reinterpreted by the author to suggest that an examined life does not require constant questioning.
The author encourages readers to let go of self-made stories that arise from the need to explain or justify events in their lives.
The article concludes that life becomes simpler and more joyful when one stops asking "Why?" and embraces acceptance without constant self-interrogation.

Too many questions

Mr. Schouten, my sixth-grade teacher, drummed into me the importance of asking questions. He was a pacer and pointer, walking back and forth at the front of the room, gesturing with fingers for emphasis.

‘Before you write anything, ask yourself these questions: Who? What? When? Where? How? And finally, the big one, Why? Without the Why? there is no story!’

So I’d write these headings down the side of my exercise book and fill in the gaps. Who? A young dingo called Dango. What? Left home. When? On a hot summer day. Where? In the middle of the Great Sandy Desert. How? Quickly. Why? Because he wanted to grow up.

And I was on my way with another story.

Unfortunately, I carried this principle into everyday life. Everything that happened to be turned into a story.

I’m too late for a connecting flight: Who? What? When? Where? How? Why?

I miss out on a book contract. Who? What? When? Where? How? Why?

I lose my purse. Who? What? When? Where? How? Why?

After years of ceaseless questioning, I came to realize that the main point of these questions — especially the last one — Why? — was to find whose fault it was that these types of things happened — because it definitely wasn’t mine!

Mindfulness and Questions

Too many questions create too many stories. Sometimes it’s best to just accept what is — without trying to unravel all the threads to find possible answers.

Yes, yes, I know Socrates said, An unexamined life is not worth living. But I doubt he meant I should be shooting off questions all the time.

Drop the questions. Ease off self-interrogation. Untangle yourself.

As Mr. Schouten used to say, ‘Without the Why? there is no story.’ Stories in exercise books, paperbacks, and Kindles are fine. It’s the stories that we weave to try to explain, justify ourselves or vilify others, that are our downfall.

Drop self-made stories.

Stop asking Why?

Life is so much lighter and easier when you do.

With love, Marlane