Stoicism, how its helped shape the person I am today.
I grew up in a split family, traveling back and forth frequently to share my time with them, it was miserable. As a child, my love for both my mother and father presumably were the same. Fathers side was very religious, especially after he remarried, he seemed to always be pressing me to find my love for god. Strewn throughout the house, there were bible verses on little sticky notes to, from what I can gather, ensure a positive outlook for the day. But what I didn’t understand was, why was my father and his wife so dedicated to having a relationship with god, and the positivity it can bring in your everyday life, but always seeming to be miserable towards me and each other?
Arguments were more common than not within that house hold. Which led me to question faith in its entirety. My mother always mocked religion, I would read off some of the verses that were posted either above the toilet in the bathroom, or through out the kitchen and the living room. While we were on the phone, she would laugh hysterically. Always convincing me that religion was a cult and most of them were very judgmental individuals. Because of her words I never found happiness in religion itself. As I got older, my opinion about the belief differed from my fathers, we seemed to argue more and more because I wasn't conforming to his “vision of life”. He had told me if I didn't want to go to church I would remain confined in my room until he decided to let me out. As the days passed and the confinement continued, my love for god didn't get stronger. I built up resentment and slowly distanced myself even more.
Years had past, resentment, anger, severe depression and anxiety were diagnosed from my mental health professional. After prognosis, she had offered me some medication to help ease the ailments I was enduring. I respectfully declined. Understanding that addiction and abuse were strong with medication, I didn't want to fall victim and succumb to the dependence. But seeing first hand that my diagnosis was real, I had to take it upon myself to change my mindset. I had to be mentally strong and push forward in a positive way. I started doing research, slowly understanding more about anxiety and depression. Learning first hand that there are many forms of them, but I had to get to my underlying issue. What has caused this way of thinking that's eating me up inside? Seeing how masking my disorder with an assortment of pills wasn't an option. My thoughts were, what can I do?, who can I talk to?, where can I go?
Throughout this new found journey, I was determined to create a better mindset for myself. In doing so, I found Stoicism. What better way of combatting my negative mindset, that lead myself into depression and anxiety, than to a study based on the philosophy of thought. Its said in the book titled, Lives of the stoics, “There is no other purpose to reading and study if not to live a happy life”. I became entranced on this subject and started reading into it profusely. Ryan Holiday shares so much wisdom in so many ways on a topic that originated during the third century BC. Further instilling the philosophy of the stoic virtues into my everyday life. Courage, justice, temperance and wisdom were the powerful words that started to alter my thought process to live a happier, more understanding lifestyle and focusing on only things within my control.
What those virtues mean to me.
Courage - When times get tough, and I am feeling like my back is against the wall, I stand true to myself and my beliefs to understand that if I keep pushing forward for the greater good, that more good will come out if it. Grasping the fact that the mind is a powerful tool, if used improperly it can fool you to think things are a lot worse then they actually are. The courage to keep pushing forward is super important, if so your life will change dramatically. (Mine did!)
Justice - One thing I will always remember from my father growing up was his words, “ Do onto others that you wish to have done to you.” Being kind and respectful to people is important in many ways. Todays society isn't always kind and just, but portraying this virtue will be a reflection of your character. In hopes to spread your positivity onto others, it will be more beneficial than you think. Maybe not at first, but you will soon see the people in your life changing. The better you are as a person towards others, creates the right type of people that will naturally gravitate in your direction.
Temperance - Moderation and self restraint, not over indulging in negative thought or actions, has lead me to a cleaner less cluttered mindset. But also restraining myself from living above my means. Finding that happy medium, or balance, because too much good can also be detrimental for your lifestyle and health. Creating the proper balance in our everyday lives will enable you to have more control over addictions and or attachments to people or things.
Wisdom - Finding the good in any given situation is one virtue that will take some practice, but easily attained. There is always something good that can come from the bad. For example, if you were training for a marathon and didn't get the time or position you desired, you now have an idea of what to do differently. You can retrace every moment and every step to figure out all the mistakes made, so the proper corrections can be adjusted for a better outcome on the next race.
Although I have much more to learn about these great writers, such as Zeno the Profit, who lost everything he owned due to ship wreck, but came out unscathed, and in response lead him on the path to creating what we know as “Stoic philosophy”. “ I made a prosperous voyage when I suffered shipwreck.” he stated. We have the widely known Roman Emperor, Marcus Aurelius, Author of the most beloved book Meditations is described by Ryan Holiday as, “A definitive text on self-discipline, personal ethics, humility, self-actualization and strength.” The list of people that have devoted their lives to this very subject goes on such as, Seneca, Epictetus and Diogenes. They have all been very inspiring and have helped change not only the way I think, but who I am as person.
I've accumulated a lot of the books in relation to Stoicism, all of which were written by Ryan Holiday, such as The Obstacle Is the Way, which has taught me that many people, of our time, go through trials and tribulations, but with the perseverance and determination, they have overcome adversity and came out on top. Ego Is The Enemy, a book touching on multiple stories of people that set their egos aside to reach the highest point of power and success. More so building my confidence in many ways than none. Another book I use to reflect on when my everyday life try's to pull me back in to my negative mindset is, The Daily Stoic. 366 meditations on wisdom, perseverance, and the art of living. Just like the biblical quotes posted all over my fathers house. This book is a push in the right direction when you are feeling down. Gives me guidance during hard times and will always be on the top of my list for best reads. You can read it from cover to cover, or open it up to the specific day for quotes and words of encouragement, and let it take you through the entire year day by day.
One of my favorite quotes from The Daily Stoic reads, “ Hold sacred your capacity for understanding. For in it is all, that our ruling principle wont allow anything to enter that is either inconsistent with nature or with the constitution of a logical creature. It’s what demands due diligence, care for others, and obedience to god.”
To say the least, what stoicism has done for me. Is to be more humble in my approach through life. Slow down and take time to see if what's troubling you is in your control. Its taught me that life is short and when the inevitable death that is lurking around the corner arrives. Will you have lived the life that you had imagined. Or were you the one constantly complaining about how life didn't deal you the best hand, making you determined to take everyone that crosses your path miserable. Even though everyday isn't perfect, I still strive for the best positive attitude. Not only for me but the people I let into my life. I have all these great authors from centuries before, and even present day to share their experiences of how your mind can work for you or against you. Will you let the chaos of the world consume you? Or will you use it to your advantage and grow from past mistakes? I like to say “you are entirely up to you.” Your choices, your thoughts and your actions will define who you are as person, and how people will portray you. In this short time while we are here on earth, I will make it a point to be fully understanding while on my death bed to say, “this was a life worth living.”