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Abstract

k at hand.It was just a list, and by putting the items down on paper, it helped me realize that there are indeed things in life that made me feel joy, things that I liked, things worth living for. The hopelessness of life seemed to fade away a little.<h2 id="a7a2">Nothing happens overnight, I began taking small steps</h2>Realizing that nothing is immediate, and I likely wouldn’t find my life’s purpose overnight, I started small and began inserting some items from my “happy list” into my life to see where it would take me.By writing a list (that ended up being about 30 items long), I finally had someplace to start. Many of the items on the list were simple, and not anything I could turn into a purpose or a passion. You certainly can’t make a life’s purpose from rainbows, or sunsets, or certain TV shows I like. But, the list gave me an overall summary and theme of what makes me happy.The large majority of my list was creative things, painting, drawing, writing, and reading. I began to think differently about my purpose once I saw this theme develop. It became obvious to me that I should follow some sort of creative path. I started to come up with some dreams and goals that I could start with.I made a point to insert some of these happy things into my life as much as I could. I find time after work to draw or paint a picture. I write an article about something on my mind and post it on Medium. On a slow Sunday I will take a walk in the evening to catch the sunset. All little steps, to bring more happy moments into life, one by one.Slowly, things have started to present themselves to me that have shown me I may be able to chase one of these avenues and finally follow a dream. I was posting drawings and paintings on Instagram, and people started to message me saying, “I didn’t know you were an artist”, “these are great!”, “would you consider a commission?”. I also found a freelancing gig, (almost by accident), writing articles for a golf website that pays per article.Doors were starting to open, and it all involved things I was passionate about and loved doing.The drudgery of life was wearing off, following my “happy list” was actually leading me somewhere.<h2 id="8348">Holding no expectations</h2>Starting small also helped me to keep my expectations to a minimum. Of course I wanted everything to work out and needed to find a point to my life as fast as possible, but by taking small steps I could keep my expectations small as well.I wasn’t going to write the next great American novel in a week, I wasn’t going to become the next Picasso by next Friday.I went into this without any hopes that it would do anything other than maybe insert a little happiness into my life. I didn’t get my hopes up that I would become a great success and be able to quit my job in 6 months (although that would be incredible).By having no expectations, it is making the little successes seem bigger. A commissioned drawing seems like a major win when you aren’t expecting a dime from your art. A paid article is a giant accomplishment when you aren’t writing to make a living.These results were all unexpecte

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d because the initial goal was to just make myself a little happier.<h2 id="63b9">Treating life as an experiment</h2>To quote Ralph Waldo Emerson, “All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better.” The quote goes on to dive deeper about not being afraid to fail, and how trying new things is good.I take this quote to mean that I shouldn’t be afraid to try something new. To not let the fear of failure hold me back from attempting something that makes me happy.My life is more of an experiment now, in my spare time I am constantly trying new things. I am exploring new avenues for my art. I have found a website that I can post my art and people can buy prints, coffee mugs, or hats and it will be drop shipped to them. I have begun writing for Medium more often, making a little money here and there. I have also started submitting pitches of my writing to publications to see if it leads to more freelance offers.The more experiments I try, the better my odds are at success with one of them.I am no longer afraid to fail. So what if I do? At least I am failing at something I enjoy doing and following my dreams.If you don’t fail, you aren’t trying.<h2 id="be36">Being grateful for what I have</h2>I was always selling myself short.I wasn’t giving myself enough credit for things that I have accomplished in my life, and this was dragging me down. The negative outlook I had on life was feeding my depression and anxiety.I have since started to practice gratitude, to be grateful for the things I have. I take a few moments throughout the day and try to be mindful that I have come pretty far in life.I am grateful that I have a stable job, a great relationship, my finances aren’t as messy as they were years ago, and I have a roof over my head.Putting things into perspective and being grateful offers me the chance to see things from a different, more positive place. I am not as aimless as I thought. I have had direction all along.Although my direction wasn’t serving me in a positive way, I have made changes to my life so that I can search for purpose and happiness.Being grateful along the way helps me to appreciate the things I have accomplished in life.Overall, turning 40 made me come to terms with my life, my purpose, my expectations and what makes me happy. I was wandering aimlessly until I was able to find some direction and start inserting happiness into my life.By practicing a simple exercise by my therapist, it has led me down a path where I have been able to follow happiness and find some purpose in life.Maybe someday I will find the avenue that helps me turn a small experiment into something big, something that I can make my life’s purpose.Until then, I will continue to try, continue to fail, and continue to pick myself back up again. Only now, I have a bullseye to aim for.I will keep following the things that bring happiness into my life, no matter how small and insignificant they may seem. They will eventually lead to something bigger and better.</article></body>

Still Aimless At 40 Years Old

Figuring out how to find a purpose and follow happiness

Photo by Finding Dan | Dan Grinwis on Unsplash

I thought by age 40 I would have it all figured out.

I would be working my dream job, have a great big house, have my finances in order, and be living my best life. When I was 20, I was a mess, but that was ok, I was young and I had all the time in the world, surely I would figure things out eventually.

But 40 came and went (I am now 41), and I was still aimless. I still didn’t have a purpose. I wasn’t following my passion. I was just going through the motions of life. I was working day in and day out at a job that didn’t fulfill me, my finances weren’t anywhere near being in order, and I still didn’t know what I wanted to be when I grew up.

There is something about turning 40 that makes you take a step back and realize you are pretty much halfway through your journey in life. For me this is incredibly terrifying, and to think I haven’t accomplished anything, or even know what dreams and goals I want to chase made it even more frightening.

Since turning 40, I have taken the past year and a half trying to put my life together, trying to find things that make me happy, trying to chase some dreams and goals.

Here are a few things I did to try to find my purpose, and chase happiness.

Writing a list of what made me happy

I thought life was dreadful for a long time, I didn’t think anything made me happy and was afraid to chase any sort of dream. I didn’t feel like anything was accomplishable, I didn’t think I deserved it. I was bound to a life that felt like groundhog’s day, same thing, everyday.

I didn’t even know where to start to try to find a purpose or any joy in life.

Speaking with my therapist, he gave me a homework assignment to write down 5 things that made me happy. The exercise seemed stupid to me, but also incredibly daunting. I didn’t know what made me happy. It was embarrassing that I had to think so hard and so long to come up with just 5 things that made me happy.

I sat and stared at a blank page for what felt like hours. Until finally I started writing about small little things, and once I started, everything just kind of flowed out. My momentum shifted and I had much more than 5 items on my list by the time I was finished.

The key was starting small, I wrote down things like, getting off work, reading a book, and seeing the reflection of the moon shine off the ocean’s surface. Trivial as they may seem, these were things that made me happy.

I didn’t try to think of the end result, or put any pressure on myself to make this into an exercise that would help me find my purpose by the time I finished my list. I was just listing things that made me happy, staying in the moment and focusing on the task at hand.

It was just a list, and by putting the items down on paper, it helped me realize that there are indeed things in life that made me feel joy, things that I liked, things worth living for. The hopelessness of life seemed to fade away a little.

Nothing happens overnight, I began taking small steps

Realizing that nothing is immediate, and I likely wouldn’t find my life’s purpose overnight, I started small and began inserting some items from my “happy list” into my life to see where it would take me.

By writing a list (that ended up being about 30 items long), I finally had someplace to start. Many of the items on the list were simple, and not anything I could turn into a purpose or a passion. You certainly can’t make a life’s purpose from rainbows, or sunsets, or certain TV shows I like. But, the list gave me an overall summary and theme of what makes me happy.

The large majority of my list was creative things, painting, drawing, writing, and reading. I began to think differently about my purpose once I saw this theme develop. It became obvious to me that I should follow some sort of creative path. I started to come up with some dreams and goals that I could start with.

I made a point to insert some of these happy things into my life as much as I could. I find time after work to draw or paint a picture. I write an article about something on my mind and post it on Medium. On a slow Sunday I will take a walk in the evening to catch the sunset. All little steps, to bring more happy moments into life, one by one.

Slowly, things have started to present themselves to me that have shown me I may be able to chase one of these avenues and finally follow a dream. I was posting drawings and paintings on Instagram, and people started to message me saying, “I didn’t know you were an artist”, “these are great!”, “would you consider a commission?”. I also found a freelancing gig, (almost by accident), writing articles for a golf website that pays per article.

Doors were starting to open, and it all involved things I was passionate about and loved doing.

The drudgery of life was wearing off, following my “happy list” was actually leading me somewhere.

Holding no expectations

Starting small also helped me to keep my expectations to a minimum. Of course I wanted everything to work out and needed to find a point to my life as fast as possible, but by taking small steps I could keep my expectations small as well.

I wasn’t going to write the next great American novel in a week, I wasn’t going to become the next Picasso by next Friday.

I went into this without any hopes that it would do anything other than maybe insert a little happiness into my life. I didn’t get my hopes up that I would become a great success and be able to quit my job in 6 months (although that would be incredible).

By having no expectations, it is making the little successes seem bigger. A commissioned drawing seems like a major win when you aren’t expecting a dime from your art. A paid article is a giant accomplishment when you aren’t writing to make a living.

These results were all unexpected because the initial goal was to just make myself a little happier.

Treating life as an experiment

To quote Ralph Waldo Emerson, “All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better.” The quote goes on to dive deeper about not being afraid to fail, and how trying new things is good.

I take this quote to mean that I shouldn’t be afraid to try something new. To not let the fear of failure hold me back from attempting something that makes me happy.

My life is more of an experiment now, in my spare time I am constantly trying new things. I am exploring new avenues for my art. I have found a website that I can post my art and people can buy prints, coffee mugs, or hats and it will be drop shipped to them. I have begun writing for Medium more often, making a little money here and there. I have also started submitting pitches of my writing to publications to see if it leads to more freelance offers.

The more experiments I try, the better my odds are at success with one of them.

I am no longer afraid to fail. So what if I do? At least I am failing at something I enjoy doing and following my dreams.

If you don’t fail, you aren’t trying.

Being grateful for what I have

I was always selling myself short.

I wasn’t giving myself enough credit for things that I have accomplished in my life, and this was dragging me down. The negative outlook I had on life was feeding my depression and anxiety.

I have since started to practice gratitude, to be grateful for the things I have. I take a few moments throughout the day and try to be mindful that I have come pretty far in life.

I am grateful that I have a stable job, a great relationship, my finances aren’t as messy as they were years ago, and I have a roof over my head.

Putting things into perspective and being grateful offers me the chance to see things from a different, more positive place. I am not as aimless as I thought. I have had direction all along.

Although my direction wasn’t serving me in a positive way, I have made changes to my life so that I can search for purpose and happiness.

Being grateful along the way helps me to appreciate the things I have accomplished in life.

Overall, turning 40 made me come to terms with my life, my purpose, my expectations and what makes me happy. I was wandering aimlessly until I was able to find some direction and start inserting happiness into my life.

By practicing a simple exercise by my therapist, it has led me down a path where I have been able to follow happiness and find some purpose in life.

Maybe someday I will find the avenue that helps me turn a small experiment into something big, something that I can make my life’s purpose.

Until then, I will continue to try, continue to fail, and continue to pick myself back up again. Only now, I have a bullseye to aim for.

I will keep following the things that bring happiness into my life, no matter how small and insignificant they may seem. They will eventually lead to something bigger and better.