Stephanie Swashbuckler
The shelf life of a 1970s figurine

It was 1974 when Stephanie woke up on a dusty bookshelf. Bruno sat to her right, and Dolph sat to her left. She couldn’t remember how she got there or how she could leave.
Stephanie tried to move but as she was made of wood (something she could not understand) she sat in the same immobile and inflexible position, day after day.
The daytime was the worst, as the sun came through the Venetian blinds and scorched her face.
The only time that didn’t happen was when Anna would come home after school and then take her off of the shelf. Anna would place Stephanie on her desk and talk to her like she was her friend.
Stephanie was afraid, though, because she could feel Bruno and Dolph’s angry stares. When Anna’s mother called Anna for dinner, she would carefully place Stephanie back on the shelf. Then the night would be the worst. Bruno would threaten, “If Anna doesn’t take ME off of the shelf tomorrow, I will cut off your pretty long locks with my scabbard.”
Stephanie was afraid of the sword that Bruno kept strapped to his chest. When all of them were formed in the woodworker’s shop (what was this memory?) Stephanie knew that sharp objects were bad. They could cut you and make you look different, and even ugly.
One afternoon, Anna came home from school but was not by herself. She made a new friend in school, named Linda.
“What are these?” Linda said, pointing to Stephanie, Bruno, and Dolph.
“Oh, those are some birthday gifts from last year. Let’s play.”
Anna took all three figurines from the shelf and placed them on the bedspread. Both girls sat next to each other on the floor, next to the bed.
Linda pushed Bruno across the bedspread and said to Anna, “Let’s make up a story.”
Anna agreed and said, “Well, we have to have someone tell the story so we know what to do.”
“Yeah!” Linda exclaimed.
Anna said, “I’ll be right back, wait here!” A moment later, she came back to the bedroom, carrying a large stuffed animal. It was a Saint Bernard, sitting in a reclining position. Anna had taken it from her older sister’s bedroom, and said, “We better put this back before dinner, or my sister will get mad.”
“Okay,” Linda said. She began sliding the Saint Bernard across the bedspread as if the dog was taking part in a regal procession. She said, in a low voice, “And now, for today’s story, the little girl has to escape from the bad pirates who want to hurt her.”
“How will Stephanie do that?” Anna asked.
“Stephanie will escape from the pirates when her boyfriend comes to rescue her!”
Anna thought for a moment and reached for the pile of stuffed animals next to her pillow. She pulled out her favorite, a large green tortoise.
“Stephanie will ride away on William’s back,” Anna said. Linda loved this idea, and she placed Stephanie on top of William.
Stephanie felt so wonderful! The girls slid the tortoise around on the bedspread and continued to make up stories for the next hour. The best part was that the girls perceived that the pirates were bad. In every story the girls made up, they were punished and put beneath Anna’s pillow, which the girls called “pirate jail.”
Anna’s mother called upstairs, “Girls, dinner is ready!” Anna yelped, “Coming, Mom!” She grabbed the Saint Bernard master of ceremonies and ran to her sister’s bedroom to return him to his rightful spot on the beanbag chair. Then both girls clambered downstairs, giggling together.
The only problem was that they forgot to put Stephanie back on the shelf. The tortoise said to her, “I’m tired and want to go back to sleep.”
“I’m not stopping you,” she said to him.
“Well, I can’t sleep with you standing on my back.”
“Well, I can’t sleep when I’m standing on top of you, either, so we’ll have to get along.”
“I suppose so,” the tortoise said. “By the way, my name is Tommy. I heard the girls call you Stephanie. Can I call you Steffie, though?”
“Sure,” she said to Tommy. “It’s nice to meet you.”
“Nice to meet you, too.”
From beneath the pillow, came Bruno’s muffled voice.
“Shut up, you two!”
“Fat chance of that,” Tommy laughed. Dolph, who easily slept anywhere it was dark, was already snoring away.
“We’ll get you tomorrow,” Bruno said.
Stephanie replied, “That’s up to Mr. Saint Bernard and the girls. Goodnight, all.”
Bruno grumbled and Tommy said, “Goodnight, Steffie, see you tomorrow.”
He wished he was a real tortoise and that he could pull his head back into his shell for some shut-eye. Yet he was pleased that he could be the hero to stand guard, looking at the bedroom entrance, and watching out for any intruders.
