Steal This Idea and Make the World A Better Place

“BeFriend” — a location-based series of Meetups that builds bridges across barriers and reinforces our common humanity.

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So, picture this:

Two (or more) people are sitting at a public cafe, drinking coffee or tea or wine or whatever. They are chatting about things…hobbies, books, movies or personal experiences. There’s a paper table tent that says: “BeFriend: Philadelphia. Celebrating our Common Humanity” and a QR code that links to a page where you can join the Meetup group behind this social event.

The people chatting are from groups that are often at each other’s throats—Jews and Palestinians; Islamic Pakistanis and Hindu Indians; and other groups that are “traditionally” hostile to each other. Yes, the problems and grievances are real—but under the umbrella of “BeFriend,” they recognize their common humanity and the good that exists within and, now, between each other.

It’s a proud, amiable, defiant group of people who refuse to perpetuate animosity and hatred and violence and cruelty that’s gone on for far too long. These are the people waging peace. These are the “powerless and ordinary” people who will change the world. These are the people who provide the only sane alternative to the ongoing brutality that leaders everywhere — sadly — continue to promote.

Why not choose love and friendship? Why not demand kindness and not cruelty towards “the other” ? And why not find out, first hand and personally, that there is no “other” — that our alleged enemy is simply a person like you?

You Can Do This on Meetup.com

We’ve seen protesters from the left and the right and various narrow interests grab attention through public action. Some causes may be laudable, others not so much.

But who’s speaking for humanity as a whole? Who respects and cares about everyone? Who is leading by example, by publicly offering olive branches, by elevating our common concerns and not vilifying each other?

How about you and me?

It’s been said the we should try to be the change we want to see in the world. Here is a way to do that.

If we had even merely dozens of people, publicly and pleasantly socializing while also making their allegedly conflicting backgrounds and issues VISIBLE…well, that would get noticed. That would grab attention.

Because there’s no refuting what you actually see with your own eyes. You can’t say something will never happen WHILE WITNESSING IT. The lie that people are evil and greedy and selfish and the existing hatreds will never cease — well that pernicious and self-fulfilling nonsense would be laid to rest.

We always talk about how the Middle East will always be full of violence and hatred. And never mention that there is peace between Catholics and Protestants in Northern Ireland.

The Challenges

How do you find your “opposite?” Who IS your opposite? It may be a good guide to think about how you OR THE GROUP YOU “BELONG” TO is perceived?

I’m Jewish and registered Democratic and have voted generally for progressive candidates. I’m white and male. I’m getting old. So, you already have a picture of me. A very inaccurate picture of me, but not completely inaccurate.

You know the way I’ve been seen and so you also can guess fairly accurately how I’ve been treated. In some ways, very privileged. In other ways, seen as property by “my” groups who think they own me and I’ve got to meet their expectations.

Most people are categorized and pigeon holed. It might be bigotry or it might be simply the nature of language. We identify things using nouns and nouns are categories. Even the categories can be deceptive — I don’t personally identify with the common vision of what Jewish people think and do. Nor am I an opponent. It’s simply not my focus.

Sadly, it’s a short step from categorizing people — however amicably — to seeing other people as “the other.” And often it’s an even shorter step to the mindset “us against them.”

It’s THIS mindset that we want to shatter. We want to establish a different identity — sane, caring people who get along with each other and live in accord with Nature. We bring this new identity into being by becoming it, by modeling it, by behaving like it.

We personally demonstrate how it’s done! And we don’t focus with our cafe companions on our differences. We talk about art and music and hobbies! We talk about fun things, about interesting things, about LIFE. We talk about the common experiences we have as human beings!

We share ourselves. We allow ourselves to be generous and kind. We don’t try to change people, to persuade people. We just become a better version of ourselves.

And let others watch. And see. And think.

It’s not too hard to identify your purported opponent, your publicly sanctioned adversary. But how do you LITERALLY find a member of this group who is willing to socialize with you? I don’t me how do you persuade this person to have a cup of coffee. THERE ARE SUCH PEOPLE! But, you probably don’t know them right now.

I’m suggesting we use MeetUp.com. But we may need to do more than that. We’d need friends and friends of friends and amiable strangers to help us find this other person. We’d need to talk about the idea of BeFriend and get help locating this other person.

So, this isn’t all that simple. Finding your “enemy” to befriend could be tricky. But it’s worth the effort, I think.

Do you have any ideas on how to go about this? How a Jew can find a Palestinian to sit with at a cafe and chat? Do you have any other thoughts on making this idea work and work better?

It seems absolutely doable. And worthwhile. I’d love some help with this. You can share your thoughts in the comments section.

Thanks for reading.

Please follow me on Medium. I’m not sure yet whether or not BeFriend should be a tactic of The Saners — a group that aims to save the climate from destruction and to create a benevolent society. Or whether BeFriend should be its own thing. You can read about The Saners at WeAreSaners.org and join them at WeAreSaners.org/join.