Steal These 5 Tips to Become More Magnetic and Charismatic No Matter Who You Are
It’s a lot easier than you think.
The good news is anyone can be more charismatic, charming, and magnetic.
The bad news is too many people get charisma backward.
They think it’s about getting people to like you, give you attention, or think you are “cool” or “successful.”
Instead, it’s actually about making other people feel like they’re the most important person — not yourself. And by doing it, genuinely and authentically, that, in turn, will help you become more charismatic.
Fortunately, it’s really simple. Read these five easy tactics you can steal today to boost your charisma in a sincere and genuine way:
1. Stop “Listening”
Most conversation articles teach you to “listen” to what other people are saying.
Sure, it’s decent advice—but you can go so much further. For example, when someone shares something special, personal, or interesting, don’t just nod or say a platitude like, “Interesting” or “Nice.”
Why? The problem with saying those things is that it seems like you don’t really care. It doesn’t match their level of effort and it’s a little deadpan and patronizing.
Instead, go above and beyond “listening” and appreciate what they did and explain why. In fact, force yourself to stop saying things like “nice,” “awesome,” or “cool.”
Praise their courage. Admire their mindset. Talk about how you enjoy their perspective on life. It shows that you value them and that you get them—all of which will help people feel comfortable and safe around you.
Do this and watch how much happier people are to talk with you.
2. Leave Your Ego Behind
Let’s look at a sample dialogue of a charisma faux pas that happens countless times every day:
Person 1: “I’m planning on going to France.” Person 2: “Oh, I went there several times already.” Person 1: “I’m thinking of doing 5 days.” Person 2: “Cool. I spent two months there recently.” Person 1: “I’m staying in Paris.” Person 2: “Paris is great. But it’s better in the Fall, not right now.”
It seems subtle, but look closer at what’s happening: Every time Person 1 says something, Person 2 counters with something better.
It’s as if Person 2 is constantly trying to outshine Person 1 and play a game of one-upmanship. But by doing so, their charisma suffers—if anything, it just creates a shallow, superficial friendship.
“A lot of conversations become competitions disguised as conversations. Each person is not really listening. They’re formulating and preparing their next thought and readying to interrupt. Neither is really learning anything from the other. It’s an awkward dance of egos.”
— John P. Weiss
Instead, put your ego in check. Stop one-upping others. Bite your tongue and let people talk about things that are exciting to them.
Here’s a tip I learned from Leil Lowndes in How To Talk To Anyone: If, in conversation, you discover you share a common interest with someone, let them talk about it first. Leave your ego behind and give them the chance to tell you how much they love it before you jump in and tell them you like the same thing.
That way, you won’t look like you’re trying to one-up others and you give them the pleasure of sharing their experiences.
3. Give Attention to People Who Others Ignore
I have one friend who, everywhere we go, is talking to everyone, asking them about their day, being kind, and making them smile. Regardless of their job, their age, their looks, etc., he treats them like any of his friends — and that’s what makes him so charismatic.
I’ve met many people who only “turn on” their charisma to specific people. They’re lively, fun, talkative, and warm to people they like, but they’re cold, rude, and distant to everyone else.
Genuinely charismatic people, however, don’t “put on an act” to specific people; they act that way to everyone because it’s who they are.
“You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him.”
— Malcolm S. Forbes
To boost your charisma, treat everyone well. Ask employees at the grocery store how they’re doing. Make friendly chit-chat with your delivery driver. Talk to the janitor in your office building.
You can also use this tip in your group conversations.
For example, many people try to dominate a group because they mistakenly believe that charisma means being the center of attention and winning everyone over.
Instead, get everyone involved, especially people who find it hard to rise above the crowd. Ask them what they think and give them time on the floor. These small interactions add up. (And trust me, other people notice.)
4. If You Can Only Bring One Thing to a Conversation, Bring This
Some people think if you care “less” than others, you win. For example, some men think the way to be charismatic is to act “alpha:” Laid back and legs spread wide as if they could care less about what’s going on around them.
But that is not charismatic.
Imagine talking to someone like that: It feels like they don’t think much of you and it doesn’t make them look charismatic — even if they said all the “right lines.”
That’s because 70 to 93% of communication is non-verbal. What you do with your body language and vocal tone says far more than the words you use. So if you can bring your attention to a conversation, you’ll transform your charisma.
Put down your phone. (This is good life advice, by the way.) Stop darting your eyes around the room, looking for someone else to talk to.
It doesn’t matter if they’re “boring” or “not your type.” Face the person you’re talking to. Look at them in the eyes. Be present.
That is charismatic.
5. Don’t Try to Be Interesting
To skyrocket your charisma, don’t be interesting — be interested.
Be fascinated with who you’re talking with. Make them the star of the show. Find out what makes them cool. Because when you take a genuine interest in other people, great things can happen.
Surprisingly, if you do this right, others will find you interesting too. Why? Because it’s rare to meet people like this. Only people who are actually interesting (and who don’t have insecurity issues) are confident enough to not be the center of attention.
After all, if you really are interesting, you don’t have to tell people; they will tell you.
Take a backseat to others and see how it revolutionizes your charisma.
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