Starve the Ego & Let Your Spirit Fly
The strange bliss of surrender
Two years ago, I was staying in a little AirBnB in Greece on the seashore. I had been spending some time with a man from a dating app who turned out to be a little scary. Through little things he was saying and doing, I was starting to feel like this guy was actually some kind of abusive narcissist and I became desperate to get rid of him.
I have always been a prayerful person. Normally, when I’m not sure of which direction to turn, I listen within to hear my path. But while this guy was in my place, for some strange reason, my tongue was tied as to how to send him on his way. So, now I was praying for protection. I was praying for a miracle. I was praying for something to happen that would let me find the words to end this.
And I got it. After telling him that I didn’t want to travel with him, he lost his cool and was actually overtly insulting to me. It was so bad, that it was easy for me to stand my ground, get him to pack his bags, and leave.
The next morning, as I opened my eyes, I was practically euphoric. He had only been at my place for 4 or 5 days… but something weird had happened over those days and now that he was gone, my spirit was finally free again.
As I lay in my bed, so happy, I asked myself, “What would you like to do today?”
A little voice answered, “Whatever we are called to do”.
I know that we all experience these little calls differently. For me, my inner voice says things like “Just follow what God asks. Just do as you’re told. Just surrender and follow.”
Philosophically, this is my tendency anyway… but normally, there is a discussion/argument as I let my brain/ego get in there with their own ideas as well. But not on this day. I was thankful to be alone again. I was thankful for my safety. I was thankful on every level including spiritually.
I was happy to just surrender.
The little voice said, “Get up and have a shower”. My ego said, “But aren’t we just going to go to the sea?” Just have a shower. So we did.
The little voice said, “Handwash the white dress and hang it outside.” My ego said, “But, but, but….”. We washed the dress and hung it outside.
The little voice continued giving me the tiniest little instructions — none of any great importance. But after the fifth or sixth, my ego was no longer engaging. I was just floating in a blissful surrender — just doing whatever was asked of me.
The little voice said “Go down to the beach with your notebook and pen. Bring nothing else.” My ego came back saying “But what about my phone and…” Just go. So we went.
As we started walking down to the beach, my body began to vibrate. It was a strange sensation that caused me to breathe even deeper. Each deeper breath intensified the vibration. The best way I could describe it was like a low-intensity orgasmic state.
I was now truly floating as I found my chaise-lounge and got settled by the sea. And then, something started flowing through my brain. “Write this down.” So, I wrote it down.
A long beautiful poem about our connection with God flowed out of me. It was absolutely effortless and the blissful vibrations continued.
My entire day was like that — just absolutely euphoric.
The next day, I intended on trying that again. But my brain/ego was now engaged. “You should be writing. You should accomplish this. You should…” and I just couldn’t shake her that day.
But I now know the blessing of letting the ego go. I know what a bliss state we can experience when we just surrender, trust, and let go.
Hmmm… Maybe today I will have to try it again.
Thank you 𝘋𝘪𝘢𝘯𝘢 𝘊. for this wonderful prompt that has brought back this lovely memory and reminder to perhaps begin to integrate this into my days right now.
