Starting Over with Grief

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Abstract

r expect every facet of your life to change when you have just figured out who you are and what you want in life.</p><p id="dd68">When I look to the next eleven months full of so many unknowns, I am starting over in a way I didn’t ask or plan for. At the end of 2021, my resolutions had looked like this:</p><ol><li>Career Utilize serial fiction via Kindle Vella and Medium. Medium articles. Release Book #1 of my small-town mountain romance series.</li><li>Money Earn $1,00 by December. Save money. Pay debt off.</li><li>Health Lose 20lbs. Workout 15–30 minutes Monday through Friday. Eat healthily. Brazilian/leg wax.</li></ol><p id="af19">Sounds like I planned meticulously for 2022, huh? After going through a traumatic loss, I did because you tend to crave control and structure, so the world feels a bit safer.</p><p id="4c6d">That was my idea of how starting over would be until a grief burst knocked me back down and reminded me that I was missing one crucial thing to starting over: my grief.</p><p id="ab77">I made no room for it in 2022 because I was determined to leave the pain. I wanted to start over and rebuild my life without it hanging over me like a dark cloud. I wanted to feel normal again like I did before June 28th happened.</p><p id="03dd">But as grief would say, “I’m the love of the person you lost. I am the person you lost.”<

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/p><p id="ab32">I now have taken grief by the hand, and I walk with it every single day because, as painful as it is, I can’t start over without the memory of my dad. I can only carry it with me as I go down a new life without him physically present.</p><p id="2358">Thank you all for taking the time to read. I appreciate all the support and encouragement on my journey back to writing full-time.</p><p id="51ea"><a href="https://ko-fi.com/hopecarter101">Buy Hope Carter a Coffee. ko-fi.com/hopecarter101 — Ko-fi ❤️ Where creators get support from fans through donations, memberships, shop sales and more! The original ‘Buy Me a Coffee’ Page.</a></p><p id="34da">If you haven’t stopped by (and are curious) my own personal publication, here is the link to the blurb and first chapter of my romantic suspense novella 12 Days:</p><div id="91a9" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/12-days-cd920c52f384"> <div> <div> <h2>12 Days</h2> <div><h3>Book Blurb</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*UWNdztxwG7bG_Mw6Q_M0xQ.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

January Writing Competition: The Memoirist

During the first week of 2022, I was angry. I went from, “I can’t wait for this shitty 2021 year to be over with so I can start over,” to “I don’t want to say that my dad died last year. I don’t want to start over.”

Grief is a funny thing. Not laughing funny, as someone put it perfectly in response to one of my Medium articles.

I was so ready to let 2021 go and start over because I thought the pain and grief would stay behind, too. I was ready to start over.

At 32 years old, I never thought the death of a parent would so drastically alter my life. We all know it happens, but you anticipate it later in life. Not when you’re raising kids still, getting out of debt, buying your first house, and figuring out life as much as you can. You never expect every facet of your life to change when you have just figured out who you are and what you want in life.

When I look to the next eleven months full of so many unknowns, I am starting over in a way I didn’t ask or plan for. At the end of 2021, my resolutions had looked like this:

Career Utilize serial fiction via Kindle Vella and Medium. Medium articles. Release Book #1 of my small-town mountain romance series.

Money Earn $1,00 by December. Save money. Pay debt off.

Health Lose 20lbs. Workout 15–30 minutes Monday through Friday. Eat healthily. Brazilian/leg wax.

Sounds like I planned meticulously for 2022, huh? After going through a traumatic loss, I did because you tend to crave control and structure, so the world feels a bit safer.

That was my idea of how starting over would be until a grief burst knocked me back down and reminded me that I was missing one crucial thing to starting over: my grief.

I made no room for it in 2022 because I was determined to leave the pain. I wanted to start over and rebuild my life without it hanging over me like a dark cloud. I wanted to feel normal again like I did before June 28th happened.

But as grief would say, “I’m the love of the person you lost. I am the person you lost.”

I now have taken grief by the hand, and I walk with it every single day because, as painful as it is, I can’t start over without the memory of my dad. I can only carry it with me as I go down a new life without him physically present.

Thank you all for taking the time to read. I appreciate all the support and encouragement on my journey back to writing full-time.

If you haven’t stopped by (and are curious) my own personal publication, here is the link to the blurb and first chapter of my romantic suspense novella 12 Days: