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r, Zerkaa, TBJZL, Behzinga, Vikkstar123 and W2S of <a href="https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCDogdKl7t7NHzQ95aEwkdMw">The Sidemen</a> understudy the Front Man</b>, freeing him to spend more time pretending he is Darth Vader. KSI and the crew engage in zany YouTuber hijinks to provide comic relief, hopefully reducing the number of viewers requiring emergency electroshock therapy.

TBJZL will be played by GXHRK, and W2S by WTF.</li><li><b>Joe Gatto of The Impractical Jokers will run the third contest</b>, <i>Name Game</i>. Players must read names like <i>Moist Kite,</i> <i>Chug-Chug Pickles, Lumpy Dumper</i>, and <i>Reverend Donk Bonkers</i>¹ without laughing, or take a bullet to the temple. If a player cracks a smile, Joe finishes them off by squatting in a corner and declaiming “Sorry brother, too much chili, dropping a deuce tout-suite.”</li><li><b>Netflix will allow a bloodmobile on the set</b>, equipped with five Global Industrial 21 gallon wet/dry vacuums. Donors will get a personalized thank you letter from the CEO of the Red Cross stapled to their coffin.</li><li><b>Game #4, <i>Rock, Paper, Scissors</i></b>, will be played with rocks, paper, and scissors. Einsteins who choose paper will contribute to a more robust gene pool.</li><li><b>Male staffers with squares on their helmets are barred from having sex with female staffers with circles on helmets</b>, because you can’t put a square’s peg in a round’s hole.</li><li><b>Contestants with blood type <i>AB, Rh negative</i> are summoned to the medical tent</b> for transfusions to the Front Man’s pet ferret, which snuck onto the field for a game of “Red Rover” against a pack of Arctic wolves.</li><li><b>A PR firm determined the crematorium was “not a good look,”</b> so the sanitation staff switched to a compost pile.</li><li><b>Netflix will offer an inexpensive group life insurance policy </b>to contestants, payable in full to any policy holder who dies of natural causes.</li><li><b>The English dubbed version will be further time delayed</b> such that the audio track corresponds to the video of the subsequent episode.</li><li><b>Season Two VIPs include Kim Kardashian</b>, a clone of Kim Kardashian, a

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clone of the clone of Kim Kardashian, a woman who sure looks an awful lot like Kim Kardashian, and Rudy Giuliani.</li><li><b>The final contest, “The Squid Came,” determines the winner</b>. Players choose between convincing wait staff in a vegan restaurant to serve calamari or coaxing a squid to ejaculate.</li><li><b>The Front Man will have the details of each player’s death printed on jersey fabric</b> so Netflix can market t-shirts saying “My father died playing Squid Game and all I got was this lousy death certificate.”</li></ol><p id="e6ee">Netflix announced it will measure the success of Season Two by the percentage of viewers who experience PTSD. That line better be headed north!</p><p id="bfc0">Season Three’s showrunner is still throwing up, and we’re out of Maalox, so that’s a wrap!</p><p id="cee7">¹ Actual names from Impractical Jokers “Name Game” segments.</p><p id="6018">Also check out <a href="undefined">Rick Post</a>’s post. (Is there an echo in here?)</p><div id="31ad" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/the-lemming-games-212c80943237"> <div> <div> <h2>The Lemming Games</h2> <div><h3>My elevator pitch</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*2TLE5tbEFz-wGvMN79KawQ.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="70cb" class="link-block"> <a href="https://andrew-rodwin.medium.com/subscribe"> <div> <div> <h2>Get an email whenever Andrew Rodwin publishes.</h2> <div><h3>Get an email whenever Andrew Rodwin publishes. By signing up, you will create a Medium account if you don't already…</h3></div> <div><p>andrew-rodwin.medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*Nnr7fQny7ONt2K58)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

There Will Be Blood

Squid Game Season Two Sneak Preview

My father died playing Squid Game and all I got was this lousy death certificate

Photo by Jonas Augustin on Unsplash

For any streaming series, Season Two must be more Season One than Season One. Take Netflix’s Fuller House. Season One was abysmal. Season Two, disastrous. Season Three? Catastrophic.

Quite a challenge for Squid Game! The crematorium has been running 24x7, and the circle helmets just caught up. But the amazing thing about humans? No limit on bloodshed. Just like the amplifier in This is Spinal Tap, there’s always another notch on the dial.

Here are the highlights. Season Three’s showrunner must already be throwing up.

  1. Season Two will stream on Cartoon Network, Nick Jr., and PBS Kids, with Bill Nye the Science Guy explaining the anatomy of airborne body parts as they splatter on the floor.
  2. Oh Il-nam, the old man with the brain tumor, returns from the dead as a wisecracking tap-dancing zombie played by Dick Van Dyke.
  3. Season Two adopts the format of a Broadway musical. Executions will be filmed against a score of popular show tunes, including Oh What a Beautiful Morning, My Shot, One Day More, Everything’s Coming Up Roses, and Staying Alive.
  4. Game #2, Fishy, Fishy, Cross My Ocean, will be played on the Amazon River with five dozen red-bellied piranha and a great white shark roaming as free safety. Contestants are equipped with a foam pool noodle and a capsule of cyanide.
  5. KSI, Miniminter, Zerkaa, TBJZL, Behzinga, Vikkstar123 and W2S of The Sidemen understudy the Front Man, freeing him to spend more time pretending he is Darth Vader. KSI and the crew engage in zany YouTuber hijinks to provide comic relief, hopefully reducing the number of viewers requiring emergency electroshock therapy. TBJZL will be played by GXHRK, and W2S by WTF.
  6. Joe Gatto of The Impractical Jokers will run the third contest, Name Game. Players must read names like Moist Kite, Chug-Chug Pickles, Lumpy Dumper, and Reverend Donk Bonkers¹ without laughing, or take a bullet to the temple. If a player cracks a smile, Joe finishes them off by squatting in a corner and declaiming “Sorry brother, too much chili, dropping a deuce tout-suite.”
  7. Netflix will allow a bloodmobile on the set, equipped with five Global Industrial 21 gallon wet/dry vacuums. Donors will get a personalized thank you letter from the CEO of the Red Cross stapled to their coffin.
  8. Game #4, Rock, Paper, Scissors, will be played with rocks, paper, and scissors. Einsteins who choose paper will contribute to a more robust gene pool.
  9. Male staffers with squares on their helmets are barred from having sex with female staffers with circles on helmets, because you can’t put a square’s peg in a round’s hole.
  10. Contestants with blood type AB, Rh negative are summoned to the medical tent for transfusions to the Front Man’s pet ferret, which snuck onto the field for a game of “Red Rover” against a pack of Arctic wolves.
  11. A PR firm determined the crematorium was “not a good look,” so the sanitation staff switched to a compost pile.
  12. Netflix will offer an inexpensive group life insurance policy to contestants, payable in full to any policy holder who dies of natural causes.
  13. The English dubbed version will be further time delayed such that the audio track corresponds to the video of the subsequent episode.
  14. Season Two VIPs include Kim Kardashian, a clone of Kim Kardashian, a clone of the clone of Kim Kardashian, a woman who sure looks an awful lot like Kim Kardashian, and Rudy Giuliani.
  15. The final contest, “The Squid Came,” determines the winner. Players choose between convincing wait staff in a vegan restaurant to serve calamari or coaxing a squid to ejaculate.
  16. The Front Man will have the details of each player’s death printed on jersey fabric so Netflix can market t-shirts saying “My father died playing Squid Game and all I got was this lousy death certificate.”

Netflix announced it will measure the success of Season Two by the percentage of viewers who experience PTSD. That line better be headed north!

Season Three’s showrunner is still throwing up, and we’re out of Maalox, so that’s a wrap!

¹ Actual names from Impractical Jokers “Name Game” segments.

Also check out Rick Post’s post. (Is there an echo in here?)

Muddyum
Humor
Satire
Squid Game
Television
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