Squeezing the Orange
One of the most enduring influences in my life is the book ‘The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People’ by Stephen Covey. Originally published three decades ago, and recently updated by his son for the modern reader, the it’s often cited as one of the most influential books of the twentieth century.
The idea for the book came about when Covey reviewed 200 years of success literature. Before the first World War, the key to a successful, productive, happy life was considered to be living life according to ethics such as integrity, humility, courage and justice. After 1920, he noticed that it became more about personality, tools and techniques.
Covey called his resulting seven habits the character ethic. The habits are aimed at building an ethical character based on enduring, fundamental principles that have been taught for thousands of years by religions and philosophers (and all those cutesy motivational quotes filling up your Facebook feed).
A central idea of the book is that your character, your ethics, become so embedded that no matter what life throws at you, your response to it embodies those ethics.
Wayne W. Dyer explains it thus:
“When you squeeze an orange, you’ll always get orange juice to come out. What comes out is what’s inside. The same logic applies to you: when someone squeezes you, puts pressure on you, or says something unflattering or critical, and out of you comes anger, hatred, bitterness, tension, depression, or anxiety, that is what’s inside. If love and joy are what you want to give and receive, change your life by changing what’s inside.”
When I’m squeezed by something, I remember the orange juice metaphor and ask myself how I should respond, rather than how I want to respond. I don’t always manage it. Sometimes how I want to respond wins out, and then I have some apologising to do. But the more I practice, the more automatic it becomes to respond with my personal ethics rather than my inner toddler.
Building our character is a lifetime of work. It’s never complete. It’s always a destination rather than an achievement. But if we do it mindfully and intentionally, if we’ve identified our values and know how we want them to show up, the journey becomes more exciting, more fulfilling, and more inspiring.
Have a great day, my fellow oranges!