SPACE + TRAVEL
Open Letter to Elon Musk
I have a few questions about your plans for Mars…
Hi Elon!
I don't know if I can call you Elon or if Mr. Musk is more appropriate? Maybe Your Majesty or Your Heinesse is more suitable? I'm not sure, but I figure since the population on Mars isn't going to be that huge, we'll all probably be on a first-name basis for a little while. I'll definitely address you as Your Honor if I see you around, though, just as a common courtesy.
Anyway, I'm a BIG FAN! I follow you on Twitter, and I must say that I am so thrilled you're trying to send humanity to Mars! I'm sorry to hear about you and Grimes; I'm sure it will all work out for the best. Sometimes the Universe clears a path for your blessings by removing things that aren't serving your greatest purpose. That's what my grandma used to say.
Look, Lonny, I know you're a busy man, and I don't want to waste a whole lot of your time with this letter, so I'll get right to the point. I have a few questions and concerns about your plans for colonizing Mars.
First, how will this whole space travel thing be affordable for a middle-class family like mine? I was on your website, and the minimum cost for a shared ride is $1 Million. I still have student loans, and with a family of five, a mortgage, saving up for a Model X, and the economy the way it is, I feel like there should be some kind of payment plan or economic version for us less mega-rich Americans. Will there be a Delta Airlines type of flight to Mars?
Speaking of flights, is there a baggage limit? Relocating to Mars is a huge move, and I'm concerned with how many comforts from home, clothing, and other miscellaneous items we can bring with us. Are carry-on's allowed, and if so, what's the size limitation for that? Additionally, will there be meals offered? This will be a long voyage, and I need to know how many snacks to bring.
As far as landing on Mars, is this going to be a kid-friendly atmosphere? Do I need to get a sitter? Trying to plan a date night is hard enough with our schedules and finances, so finding a sitter for several months may take some serious pre-planning and lots of savings. If Mars is kid-friendly, what's that going to look like? Are there going to be Martian schools, and if so, what is the school rated? I believe my kids deserve an excellent education regardless of if they get it on Earth or any other planet. Will there be parks or indoor pools? My kids love to play outside, but I know you said the atmosphere needed to be "nuked" before it's livable. My son has asthma, is that going to be a problem with all the nuke dust???
As far as the residents go, who's all going to be there? My neighbor Nancy was talking about going to space, and honestly, she is a massive pain in the ass, and I don't think anyone would want to spend more than a few days with her. That's probably why her husband Greg left her. Anyway, is there going to be a healthy mix of demographics on Mars? I feel like there should be some artisans up there because we'll need folks who can make things with their hands and teach others how to do it as well. Nancy is really good at weaving lies with her mouth about how my lawn isn't at regulation length to our homeowner's association.
Speaking of the job market, what's that going to look like? Obviously, there will be scientists and engineers, but what about the service industry? Mars will definitely need a few good baristas and yogis. If I can't have my double espresso in the morning while in corpse pose, I can't function for the rest of the day. Nancy claims to be a pet psychic. I don't feel like we will need any of those services on Mars, so I would say she wouldn't be a necessary resident. I work with fabrics, so I feel like I would be precious to the Martian Society. I've been sewing, knitting, weaving, and crocheting for decades, and I would make a great addition to the clothing and textile industry.
I've also been curious about what the Martian cuisine will consist of mainly. Are we going to be space vegans? I can do space vegetarianism for sure, but it's hard to imagine a world without wine and cheese, you know what I mean? What would surf and turf be called on Mars? Nancy says she only eats organic foods, but I saw her at the grocery store the other day with a can of Cheez-Whiz in her basket, so I know she's full of shit.
Lastly, will there be a government set in place? A Mad Max-style community would be sexy and fun, but I don't think it would be sustainable and probably not great for Martian PR. I believe there are plenty of good options, but I am a little concerned with the possibility of a Dune type of society. I've watched the movies, but I haven't read the books, so I would be kind of lost in translation if that were the case. Nancy said she loved the Purge movies, so I highly doubt we would want her energy on Mars.
Well, that's about all the questions I have for you. I hope you find this letter in good health and consider some of my recommendations and concerns about our upcoming exodus to Mars. Please feel free to contact me with any more questions or information about Nancy and why she wouldn't be a good fit for Mars.
Best of Wishes,
V.S.