Part of the Personal Ascension Series
“Soulmates” vs “Twin Flames”
Actually, there are “TWIN-Flames”, “Twin-FLAMES”, “SOUL-Mates”, and “Soul-MATES”.
Non-Medium subscribers can access this full article here.
Definitions
“SOULMATES” and “Twin Flames” both refer to two souls who come from the same “soul family” and have a pre-birth “soul contract” or agreement to play out certain roles in an incarnation (or life) that they share. The goal of this relationship is to support one another’s spiritual evolution.
Beyond that basic definition, there appears to be much diversity of opinion in spiritual circles as to just what these two terms refer to.
For more on “souls” and “soul families” see:
Twin Flames and Soulmates (less commonly spelled as Twinflames and Soul Mates, respectively) are among the more popular topics of discussions in the spiritual groups that I follow on Facebook, although not as popular as Dark Night of the Soul experiences and trying to define “Awakening”.
For more on “Dark Night of the Soul” experiences, see:
Based on those sources, there seem to be three common definitions: (1) Twin Flames are the same as Soulmates; (2) Twin Flames are more important than Soulmates; and (3) Soulmates are more important than Twin Flames.
Here is how these three definitions of Twin Flame and Soulmate relationships vary.
Warning: The quote below was posted in a spiritual awakening group on Facebook. There are many definitions and heated debates over what Twin Flames and Soulmates are. I recommend you consider the following as you read my article:
Honestly, after years of studying this stuff (and 21yrs as a clinical counselor who does relationship healing), you are way better off not even bothering with the labels. Focus on loving who you are attracted to and let that relationship be what it is without any preconceived notion. These labels become so toxic because while the twin flame community promotes let go of all attachment (which isn’t humanly healthy in any way), they also overly fixate on and attached to these labels and defining what each type of relationship is.
Let go of the label and preconceived outcome of that label and just focus on loving who you love in ways that work for you. You will have way more peace and freedom that way than attaching to a label. The labels keep us stuck and separated and easy to manipulate.
And…Eckhart Tolle suggests a similar way of looking at all our relationships:
(1) Twin Flame = Soulmate
Twin Flames and Soulmates are two terms for the same thing. There is no meaningful difference between them. This seems to be, by far, the most common use of these terms.
This is mostly because only a few people have spent much time digging into the wide range of definitions that have been proposed. (I myself have only looked at some, not all, of these definitions, which are a bit overwhelming.)
People who hold that they are the same always define them as Romantic relationships, with a lifelong, if not eternal, partner. Those who have had failed relationships of this type, however, are more flexible on the number of Twin Flames and Soulmates that are possible in one incarnation.
In sum, the most common beliefs associated with Twin Flames = Soulmates are: — Both should be entirely (or mostly) Positive experiences — Both should be One and Eternal — Both are a High/Deep soul relationship — Both are a Romantic relationship
(2) Twin Flame > Soulmate
In this definition, Twin Flames are a rare relationship between two people who are extremely close at the soul level, like identical twins, but even closer on a spiritual level. The focus here is on the word “twin” (being a spiritual twin to one another) rather than the word “flame”.
Some say that they are the same soul, divided into two different bodies. We are, however, all fractals of a larger soul, and we also serve as larger souls to our own personality fragments (according to Seth/Jane Roberts). So, I am not sure how well that analogy applies (see the Soul Family section in “Explainer: The Souls”).
Many spiritual people desire a Twin Flame of this type more than anything else, even more than enlightenment. (For more on this definition of Twin Flames, see this YouTube video.)
Soulmates are two people who are part of a larger soul family and who come together for some portion of their shared incarnation to support one another’s spiritual ascension. That support is usually believed to be vibrationally positive. But it can be a negative (low vibration) while still advancing each other spiritually.
In addition, the Soulmate relationship can easily not involve romance. The emphasis here is on the word “mate”, meaning a friend or colleague (as it is commonly used in Australia).
In sum, the most common beliefs associated with Twin Flames > Soulmates are: — Twin Flames are a Very Positive, but Rare experience; Soulmates can be positive or negative, and are more common — You only have One, Eternal Twin Flame in your life; but you can have Many, often Temporary Soulmates — A Twin Flame is a Higher/Deeper soul relationship than a Soulmate — A Twin Flame is more likely a Romantic relationship; a Soulmate can be non-romantic
(3) Soulmate > Twin Flame
In this definition, Soulmates are two beings who consistently support each other spiritually in positive ways in a lifelong romantic partnership. This is much like the Twin Flame definition above, except that everyone has a Soulmate — the challenge is finding that person. Again, this is what many spiritual people are seeking in life.
In this definition, however, a Twin Flame is a person who also provides spiritual support but does this over a brief time period in which they specifically force you to face the darker shadow aspects of your life experience. We often perceive this as a negative experience or encounter by the “victim” of the Twin Flame.
As with all these relationships, this is a pre-birth contract between soul family members. The intention is to propel the ascension of the recipient through the negative experience.
The focus here is on the word “flame” (forcing a transformation) rather than the word “twin”. (This definition has been promoted by Matt Kahn. It is a little less commonly held than the other two definitions, above.)
In sum, the most common beliefs associated with Soulmates > Twin Flames are: — Soulmates are a Positive experience; Twin Flames are perceived as a Negative experience; both are quite common — You only have One, Eternal Soulmate in your life (or very few); but you can have Many, Temporary Twin Flames — A Soulmate is a Higher/Deeper soul relationship than a Twin Flame — A Soulmate is a Romantic relationship; a Twin Flame can be non-romantic
An Example
I am sure that all three definitions above hold truth for different individuals at different times. For example, I know a person who has had two marriages for which Definition #3: Soulmate > Twin Flame provides much insight.
In the first marriage, it became apparent after the wedding that the Twin Flame spouse of my friend suffered from social paranoia and was afraid and untrusting of almost everyone they encountered, including my friend’s family members. This caused the marriage to end after several years of considerable turmoil. But meaningful spiritual growth also took place, although not so apparent at that time.
The second marriage was to a Soulmate who was the opposite of the first. Others admire them as a couple for how well they support each other in all aspects of their lives, both professionally and spiritually.
4 Types of Spiritual Relationships (a proposal)
THE definitional issues related to Twin Flames and Soulmates might be one of not having enough words in the English language to cover the range of different relational experiences that people have.
From what I have generalized above, I see four unique experiences, which we can list from the deepest and least common to the most common soul contracts that we have with others. (The UPPER CASE letters show the word that is emphasized in each term.)
(1) TWIN-Flames
TWIN-Flames are a rare relationship in which one individual is an almost perfect mirror to another, providing opportunities for mutual spiritual growth that is mostly positive and deep; a high vibrational, eternal, and romantic soul connection. This article is how one person describes the uniqueness of a TWIN-Flame relationship:
(2) SOUL-Mates
SOUL-Mates are a more common relationship in which each person fully supports the full growth and evolution of the other in a positive way; a high vibrational, lifelong, and usually romantic soul connection
(3) Soul-MATES
Soul-MATES are a common relationship in which two people support the spiritual evolution of each other in both positive and/or negative ways (although everything is positive in the end); might be lifelong, but is more often temporary and lower vibrational; may be equally romantic or non-romantic
(4) Twin-FLAMES
Twin-FLAMES are a quite common relationship in which one person (the flame) acts as a trigger to help open and transform the shadow (unseen) aspects of another; most are short, lower vibrational, non-romantic encounters (anything that triggers you), though some can be a longer, but still temporary, romantic relationship
There are likely more nuanced ways of looking at the definitions of these two concepts than I have presented here. For example, we can further divide both Soul MATES and Twin FLAMES into short-term or long-term experiences and into romantic and non-romantic relationships.
In addition, a relationship can shift over time through these four different forms. An extremely popular theme in romantic comedy stories, for example, is for two people to first meet in a Twin FLAME encounter, and then evolve to a SOUL Mate relationship. This makes everyone feel warm and fuzzy in the end.
The Main Challenges
For many people, the major challenge is to find a higher vibrational TWIN Flame or SOUL Mate relationship, rather than a lower vibrational Soul MATE or Twin FLAME relationship. Or, as in romantic comedy movies and novels, moving their current lower vibrational relationship to a higher level “Happily Ever After” one.
Another challenge is distinguishing between whether the connection one feels toward another is a true soul-based connection, or a superficial ego-based infatuation or “limerence”. The difference, according to various sources, is that limerence is a one-way fantasy relationship, whereas a soul relationship is a deep mutual connection that extends beyond the superficial.
The challenges in seeing this are: (1) you can only see the relationship from one side, not both sides; and (2) the ego seeks confirmation from outer stimuli, usually ignoring the soul’s inner knowledge and truth (which is always there but hidden).
For most of our lives, we are told that having a sexual partner is essential for “happiness”. Thus, our ego-self (which is based in physical reality) sees this as a primary goal and deepest desire in life.
We are not taught that our soul is our true self. Realizing this is our first step in “awakening”. However, knowing this intellectually, at an ego level, differs from knowing it from a level beyond the ego.
The awakening path is one of letting go of the ego and allowing the soul to express more fully in our lives. Through this process, we also let go of infatuations (limerence) with others, which gives space for the deeper soul connections to be clearer.
For more on Awakening, see:
Confusion and debates over the meaning of key concepts are common among spiritual teachings of all kinds (as well as in philosophy and the social sciences). It may be especially common in New Age spirituality because it encourages individual perspectives over dogmatic hierarchies. (Although arguments over those perspectives can still be intense.)
There may never be a clear definition of Twin Flame and Soulmate that meets everyone’s satisfaction. And that is a good thing. Truth is, ultimately, beyond any spoken language or thought.
The Higher Self’s Perspective
From the perspective of our Higher Self (or Soul), you are one with everything that you experience, including anyone you identify as a Twin Flame. There is no difference from that higher perspective — it is all a singular experience and knowing.
That you feel as though another being (or indeed your entire universe) is separate from you is an experience that is intentionally created by Source so that you (and Source, for you are the same in the end) can experience the infinite diversity of the manifested universe that you (and Source) have created.
So, we have incarnated into this reality to (1) experience diversity and (2) to remember your oneness within that diversity.
When you remember that oneness, you also know that you are a fully complete being in and of yourself. You, therefore, do not need to desire anything else, other than to remain in awe of the universe that flows through you.
You have not reached that level of knowing and consciousness if you:
- Think that you need another person, object, thing, event, or experience to be the complete being who you already are; or
- Think that what another person, object or thing does lessens the complete being who you already are.
Neither of these perspectives is true from the perspective of an awakened Soul (or Higher Self). However, they still have value and purpose — they are all designed (often through pre-birth arrangements) to move you to awaken to your true self.
So, if you are looking for a Twin Flame/Soulmate (whether or not romantic), you are looking in the wrong direction. Instead of looking outward, you need to look inward. You need to find the Twin Flame/Soulmate within yourself. You need to become your own Twin Flame/Soulmate.
Not that experiences of the outward diversity of life are bad and to be ignored. Those experiences are 50% of why you are here.
From the Higher Self perspective, all such experiences have equal value, and they all help lead you to that inward self-discovery that is the other 50% of why you are here.
Just try to keep in mind that the lesson of oneness is ultimately an inward discovery that, when uncovered, will unify the inward with the outward for a complete self and a complete life.
Related
- ⬇ Matias De Stefano provides a distinct perspective on Twin Flames based on the sacred geometry of the tetrahedron. He presented this on Day 314 (June 13, 2021) of his 365-Day Alignment series on YouTube.
- For more on Spiritual Awakenings, see this collection of articles ⬇. Note that the articles in that collection are behind the Medium.com paywall. For paywall-free access to my articles go the EGChanneling.com.
Contact
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- Written in collaboration with my Energy Group/Higher Self. This is our perspective of the truth and not the whole truth of reality.
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