Sorry I Freaked Out and Bought All the Toilet Paper

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Abstract

my cart with toilet paper. Maybe I didn’t need 17 cans of sardines or several pounds of potato flakes. But you understand, right? I mean we’re all in this together, separately.Being an American is tough these days. We’ve been reduced to ordering Amazon for products we could buy at the corner store. We buy books online when the library has extended hours. We are serious consumers, who have been told items are running out, the docks contain undeliverable products, and the end is near.So maybe you thought I was being an asshole for grabbing your groceries out of your trunk when you went to return your cart. Maybe I shouldn’t have stuck a nail in your car tires so you wouldn’t chase me. Maybe I shouldn’t have run over you on the way out, but I don’t even know you, so what difference does it make?And in my defense, hoarding is not delici

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ous. I’m not hoarding sushi, croissants, or poetry. I am hoarding toilet paper, canned fish, soup, grains, white rice, corn, beans, potato flakes, freeze-dried fruits and veggies, sugar, honey, salt, baking soda, vinegar, ascorbic acid powder.Why those items? you ask. Because I Googled what to hoard in case of an emergency and those are the items Google suggested. Then Google dropped those items into my Amazon Fresh cart and click.Did you hear they stopped selling those yummy chocolate squares at Trader Joe’s? I think I saw them at Cost Plus too. I’m going to buy them all. I know chocolate doesn’t last long, but if I don’t buy it, someone else will, and that doesn’t seem fair. I don’t even know those people.The storm didn’t come. It was a false alarm, but I’m prepared for the next one. What’s in your Amazon cart?</article></body>

I wasn’t thinking about you at the time

Let me start by saying I am sorry I hoarded at Trader Joe’s on Tuesday. The news said there was a storm coming, the storm of the century! COVID is still here and I hated going outside before armageddon.

So, maybe I didn’t need to fill my cart with toilet paper. Maybe I didn’t need 17 cans of sardines or several pounds of potato flakes. But you understand, right? I mean we’re all in this together, separately.

Being an American is tough these days. We’ve been reduced to ordering Amazon for products we could buy at the corner store. We buy books online when the library has extended hours. We are serious consumers, who have been told items are running out, the docks contain undeliverable products, and the end is near.

So maybe you thought I was being an asshole for grabbing your groceries out of your trunk when you went to return your cart. Maybe I shouldn’t have stuck a nail in your car tires so you wouldn’t chase me. Maybe I shouldn’t have run over you on the way out, but I don’t even know you, so what difference does it make?

And in my defense, hoarding is not delicious. I’m not hoarding sushi, croissants, or poetry. I am hoarding toilet paper, canned fish, soup, grains, white rice, corn, beans, potato flakes, freeze-dried fruits and veggies, sugar, honey, salt, baking soda, vinegar, ascorbic acid powder.

Why those items? you ask. Because I Googled what to hoard in case of an emergency and those are the items Google suggested. Then Google dropped those items into my Amazon Fresh cart and click.

Did you hear they stopped selling those yummy chocolate squares at Trader Joe’s? I think I saw them at Cost Plus too. I’m going to buy them all. I know chocolate doesn’t last long, but if I don’t buy it, someone else will, and that doesn’t seem fair. I don’t even know those people.

The storm didn’t come. It was a false alarm, but I’m prepared for the next one. What’s in your Amazon cart?