Sonder — A Word That Will Free You from the Troubles of Your Mind and Connect You with Humanity
Sonder gives us the concept of forgetting about ourselves and recognising the complexities of others — for our own sanity!
If you are a people watcher — not a voyeur — then there Is a chance you have been in the act of sonder at some point. But it’s more than simply watching people as they pass you by.
Having no English word that fills the Sonder-sized gap, it is a welcome addition to the vocabulary. But not simply as a way of referencing an act, but as a way of opening our eyes and thinking about others in a way that puts them as the central character in their own movie, “Making the invisible visible” as Koenig puts it in his Ted talk.
Where it differs from people-watching is the realization that each person you see has complexity and emotion in their lives. They too have a whole network of relationships, problems and sorrows. The act of Sonder allows us to step away from ourselves for a brief time and imagine the lives of others. And In an age where we only pull away from our screens to check we are putting the plug into the right socket to charge our mobile phone, It’s a healthy practice for all of us.
Too much time on your hands and only yourself on your mind can lead to unhappiness.
It’s commonly cited in medical literature that those suffering from depression, anxiety, and other mental illnesses are bedeviled with ruminating thoughts centered around themselves. A 2012 study researching whether this type of self-absorption is a leading factor in the cause of anxiety disorder, or a symptom, found evidence supporting their hypothesis: obsessive self-focus can lead to the onset of anxiety disorder.
The act of Sonder, then, has benefits beyond making us more empathic to others, for it also aids in the wellbeing of ourselves. Ideally, we would all make the practice of Sonder a routine part of our lives, reconnecting ourselves with humanity and at the same time disconnecting from…well…ourselves.
Sonder originated from Koening’s obscure words of sorrow (which can be found on YouTube) along with words ranging from Olēka (the realization of how few days are memorable) to Zenosyne (the sense that time keeps going faster).
You won’t find Sonder in the OED or Collins dictionary as of yet because its usage is not widespread enough for it to be recorded.
Let’s take a detour for a moment. All words are made up. There is no council or board that decides on the language we use. Language belongs to the people. Dictionaries are a record of the language in use, and word entries come and go, especially slang, depending on whether a word is commonplace enough to document. Dictionaries elaborate and clarify the meaning of words, but they do not create or control them; they are merely a record created by lexicographers.
Slang words breeze in and breeze out of dictionaries, mainly because their use is ephemeral; slang changes through the ages and is typically synonymous with a word from the generation before. However, Sonder isn’t a synonym; it doesn’t repeat the meaning of any other word in the English language; it offers us a whole new concept. A concept we are all in clear need of. Hopefully, its usage will keep on growing, and Sonder will find its rightful place in the dictionary. Until that time, keep Sondering and using the word; you might be helping to make the world a better place for it.
