Summary

Marilyn Flower reflects on the human experience of success and failure, encouraging writers to embrace self-forgiveness and share their authentic stories of triumphs and downfalls.

Abstract

The web content presents a reflective piece by Marilyn Flower, which uses personal anecdotes to explore the dichotomy of human experience—moments of soaring success and those of crashing failure. Flower, inspired by Brené Brown, advocates for owning one's story, including the imperfections. She recounts a lesson in self-forgiveness from a church class, emphasizing that it's impossible to go through life without hurting others and that accepting this is part of the human condition. The article serves as a prompt for writers to delve into their own experiences, suggesting they write about times they either soared or crashed and burned, or even both, as a means of self-expression and healing. Flower uses her own marriage as an example, highlighting both her positive impact on her former husband's relationship with his family and the painful aspects of their inability to have children and her infidelity, which led to the marriage's end. The overarching message is one of embracing authenticity and the value of sharing one's shadow self in a safe environment.

Opinions

Marilyn Flower believes in the importance of forgiving oneself, considering it a crucial practice for personal growth.
She acknowledges the difficulty in forgiving herself for past mistakes, particularly in the context of hurting her husband.
Flower suggests that repressing or denying the ugly parts of our stories can lead to future issues, advocating for the ownership and sharing of these experiences when appropriate.
The article posits that we are only as sick as our secrets, implying that sharing our vulnerabilities can be therapeutic and enriching.
Flower invites writers to use their personal stories of success and failure as a source of creative inspiration, viewing it as an opportunity for self-exploration and connection with others.

PROMPT

Sometimes We Soar, Sometimes We Crash

A Middle-Pause pump primer to jump-start your writing.

You either walk inside your story and own it or you stand outside your story & hustle for your worthiness….Own your story. Be authentic in its telling. ~Brene Brown

Are you like me? Do you want to have a parade in your honor when something you do goes well? And hide in bed for a week when you bomb miserably?

Well, guess what? Sometimes we are going to shine and sparkle. And other times we are going to crash and burn — all in the same lifetime! It’s part of being human.

A lesson in self-forgiveness.

I remember being in a class at church where we were discussing forgiveness — a crucial practice for all of us. I shared about how it’s easier for me to forgive others than myself.

By way of example, I shared a story about hurting my husband big time when I was married. And how many years later, I am still working on forgiving myself and having a hard time.

The minister leaned over to me and gently got in my face and said, Oh, so you thought you could get through your whole life without ever hurting anybody? Then he paused and after a beat spoke in a down-home Southern-style voice and said, Well, guess what?!!

His delivery got me smiling again. He’s right. I wanted to be perfect — Scratch that. I wanted to have my cake and eat it too, have fun and not get caught or not feel bad. It did not work. I felt horrible.

So looking at the Brene Brown quote above, guess what? We get to own all of our stories — the good, the bad, and yes, even the ugly. Especially the ugly. Those are the ones that, if repressed or denied, will come back around and bite us in the butt.

So I say this not as a mandate, but as an invitation. You’ve heard the saying, we’re only as sick as our secrets, right. That does not mean you have to bare it all here. It means there is value in sharing our shadow self when and where it’s safe to do so — which is for us to determine.

But for a pump-priming topic, I offer this:

Write about a time you soared. Or write about a time you crashed and burned. Or both.

Both could mean one event had aspects of success and failure in them, as did my story about my Aunt Lois, where I thought I blew it, and she helped me find the gift in the experience. Or tell two different stories; however you see fit.

Using myself as an example…

So, since I already mentioned my marriage, I’ll use that as an example. One of the ways I was a blessing for my former husband was I valued time with both his and my families. He had moved to California to go to grad school and be far away from his family.

But once his siblings started having children of their own, I thoroughly enjoyed extended family visits, especially at holiday time. I loved playing Santa to our nieces and nephews. And I loved making crafts with Steve’s mother and sister — the more kitschy, the better. Does anyone remember Christmas angel ornaments made with beads and safety pins? I love those!!!

Steve made a point of saying how much it meant to him that I helped him reconnect with and enjoy his family and being an uncle (and now a great uncle) to his nieces and nephews. He even got excited about having kids of his own.

Unfortunately, we couldn’t have children. It wasn’t his fault. We did the hips on a pillow and run to the lab asap. His sperm was plentiful, motile, fertile, and happy. I was the culprit.

I was also the culprit in destroying our marriage by engaging in some extracurricular activities of an intimate nature. Fortunately, I had help confronting myself and getting into recovery. These are the actions I had a hard time forgiving myself for, as you can imagine.

But enough about me. This is your prompt:

Write about a time you soared. Or write about a time you crashed and burned. Or both.

Looking forward to seeing what you come up with. Happy writing!

Marilyn Flower writes political humor and satire to delight socially and spiritually conscious folks. She’s a regular columnist for the prison newsletter, Freedom Anywhere, where she writes about faith and prayer. Clowning and improvisation strengthen her resolve during these crazy times.