Sometimes, We Just Have to Let Our Friends Fuck Up

Let them go back to their ex over and over again

Do you ever experience seeing your friends getting back together with their ex again and again even though they know the relationship is toxic?

No matter how many times you try to tell them that it is not the right thing to do because it might hurt them — they still don’t change their mind about it.

As a friend, you witness it when they are in a lot of pain and you don’t want them to go through the same things over and over again.

It’s annoying, right?

I’d experienced both of the situations where I was the annoyed friend that always listened and gave advice and I was also that friend who keep on getting back together with the ex.

I remember my friend called me in the middle of the night crying because she found out that her boyfriend was cheating on her with another girl. She was so devastated and asked what should she do. Obviously, as a rational person, I said that they should break up. So, she took my advice and broke up.

Next week, I saw her texting with a big smile on her face. I asked who was the person she’s texting with and she said her ex’s name. I feel mad at first but then she explained everything to me — saying that she really loves her ex and her ex promised that he will not cheat again if my friend give him a second chance. Okay, maybe, we can give him a second chance, I thought to myself.

Next month, they had a big fight again and she found out that her ex was cheating on her again. One time is a mistake, the second time is an option. As a friend, I gave an advice that she should leave him for real this time.

I said, “If you keep on giving the chances, he will do it again and again. He will lose respect with you because he knows that no matter what, you will take him back”. She answered me, “Okay, I will break up with him”.

Not long after that, she doesn’t want to tell me but I find out from our mutual friends that they are getting back together. I was furious, of course. Why would she still choose to be with someone that hurt her that badly? She’s pretty, she can definitely get another guy better than her ex. Why would she choose to be with this guy over self-respect?

I don’t understand it until I was in that exact situation. I kept on giving my ex chances when he lied to me. I let him gaslight me. I can’t think rationally because all I can think was how much I love him and I don’t want to lose him. I forgive him every time he did something wrong because I believed in the future he will realize his mistakes and change.

I know my friend was tired to give me the same advice — to realize my self-worth, to leave that man, and have self-respect. I don’t listen to them because I was madly in love with this man.

Do you know what happens next? I fucked up. He leaves me for another girl. It doesn’t matter how much I sacrificed for this man or how much love I gave him, if he doesn’t love me back, it doesn’t matter.

I was in a lot of pain that I promised myself I don’t want to feel like this ever again. After that, I started to realize that I’m worth more than that. I learned it the hard way but I know it better now — to not settle for less than what I deserve.

If there is no effort from the guy, I’m not staying — I will leave them immediately. I don’t want to waste my time because I know that if people really want me, I will know.

Conclusion

Sometimes, you just have to let people fuck up. Let them do whatever they want to do. You are not responsible for that. All that you can do is be with them and advise them but if they don’t want to listen to it, let them be. Hard experiences can be a great lesson. Let them feel the pains until it makes them not want to feel it again.

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