Sometimes the longest way around is the shortest way home…

Summary

The author reflects on personal growth, overcoming challenges, and the importance of choosing the right path to achieve a fulfilling life.

Abstract

The author shares a personal journey of transformation, emphasizing the value of taking the more challenging path to reach one's destination. Initially, the author admits to choosing easier options that led to complications and detours from life goals. Through introspection and a shift in mindset, the author learned to embrace failures as lessons, recognizing no shame in making mistakes. The catalyst for change was becoming a single mother, which necessitated a reevaluation of priorities and a commitment to self-improvement. The author highlights the significance of finding one's "why," setting long-term goals, and breaking them down into manageable tasks. The process involved prioritizing responsibilities, organizing time, and maintaining motivation, all while juggling multiple roles and responsibilities. The journey led to personal and professional growth, demonstrating the power of resilience, time management, and the support of others.

Opinions

The author believes that the easier path often leads to more trouble and further from one's true destination.
Personal growth is achieved through learning from mistakes and overcoming obstacles.
Self-sabotage and poor decision-making can be overcome by reprogramming one's mindset.
The author values the importance of self-worth and the role of personal motivation in driving change.
The presence of a strong "why" is crucial for sustaining the drive to make significant life changes.
The author emphasizes the necessity of setting long-term goals and breaking them into smaller, achievable steps.
Balancing various responsibilities requires prioritization, organization, and sometimes innovation.
The author acknowledges the importance of time management and resilience in the face of a hectic schedule.
Seeking help and building a network of contacts and mentors is vital, even for those who pride themselves on independence.
The author concludes that the hard work and challenges encountered on the difficult path are ultimately worth the personal and professional lessons learned.

Sometimes the longest way around is the shortest way home…

And, sometimes not.

When I look back at my life, I think of how many times I have had the option to choose one path over another. I also think of how many times I chose the easier road simply because I didn’t want to put in the work. Often I found that the easier road led me to more trouble or further away from my destination. Only when I decided to plan my course and follow my dreams, did I manage to create the life I had imagined.

All that I have learned has paved my journey to where I want to be. What were once obstacles, became lessons. The education and life experience that I gained in these follies could not be found in a book. I experienced life first hand. I learned by failing and that, I have found, is invaluable. When you learn from your mistakes, you also learn that it is possible to make mistakes, bounce back, and even rebuild. There is no shame in failure. In fact, there is great honor in failing and I have no problem owning the mistakes I have made.

I’d love to give you an example but I have too many to count. Let’s see…relationships, friendships, jobs vs. career, debt, education, marriage, raising children…I could go on and on. Yes, when I think back I always chose the shiniest choice, the one that appeared as if it would bring me the most happiness. I never considered that I also had to contribute to my own happiness and success. I suppose my mind-shift occurred when I became a single mother and found myself at the bottom of a pile of bad decisions.

Digging out was not easy. I had to deal with many issues, some tangible and some that I created mentally. Re-programming my mindset was my first priority. And to do that, I had to unpack decades of poor decision making and self-sabotage. I went to counseling. I read books. I talked with friends and family. Most importantly, I took it one day at a time and I moved very carefully until I found my feet.

I started out by doing one thing every day that would make my life better. I honestly think that the first day I took the time to put on lipstick. However, day-by-day, slowly but surely, I began to see improvements in my life. My confidence grew and my actions grew with them. My fear subsided and my determination took it’s place.

First, I had to find my “why”. Why was I doing all of this? Why was it important? Why did I need to create the best life possible. Those were the easiest questions I’ll ever answer and the answer was, “my children”. Every decision I made, at that point in my life, was made with my children in mind. My sole mission was to create a happy life for them. And I worked tirelessly at it. I was a ferocious Mama Bear and I would have dared you to get in my way.

I had to, first, establish why I needed to make some serious changes in my thinking and behavior. I needed to move with my children in mind. They were my motivation. However, eventually I began to value myself as much as them and rediscover my own worth. Working to improve all of our lives, I was unstoppable.

Now that I knew why I was making big changes, I had to set some long term goals to improve my life and make it not only successful but sustainable. I had to look at the big picture and decide what would improve my life and my family’s. I decided to go back to college. In order to establish a career, I needed degrees. I wanted to finish the education I deserved and show my children it was possible.

It was difficult. I worked one or two jobs and went to school full time. I did my homework while the kids were sleeping or sitting on park benches while they played with their friends. I had to prioritize my responsibilities, organize my time, and sometimes be innovative. Most importantly, I had to keep my eye on the prize.

It was sometimes difficult to stay motivated. However, the further I went, the easier it became. I took my long-term goals and broke them into manageable chunks. Just as I had in the beginning, I gave myself short periods of time. I just had to finish one semester…then, another and another. I took pride in small successes and rewarded myself and the kids for achievements.

I found that with such a hectic schedule and so many responsibilities, I had little time for problems and bumps in the road. I had to keep to my ducks in a row if I wanted to meet my goals. Learning to deal with change and challenges was a game-changer. Realizing that I was successful enough to occasionally take my hands off the wheel was amazing. I learned that I had to let go to re-adjust my sails. In these moments, I could take a deep breath and look at how far I had already come.

I also had to learn how to deal well with others. I needed to voice my needs and ask for help. I needed to ignore the begrudgers and the nay-sayers who thought my goals were selfish or silly. I also, needed to gather contacts and mentors along the way. Although I prided myself on my independence, I could not possibly have pulled this off alone and at times, asking for help, was more difficult than anything else I had going on.

Choosing the more difficult path has taught me so much, both personally and professionally. I have learned that my barriers are lessons — as are my failures. I have learned the value of time management, hard work, resilience, and networking. I have shown my children that we are capable of anything we set our minds to. I gained confidence, experience, and credibility. Finally, I have been able to step into a new life with my head held high and a long road behind me. This journey taught me that it’s not always easy, but the hard work is worth it.