Sometimes, My Worst Writing is My Best

And what that should mean to me.

I suffer from writing paranoia. This admission will not shock or even surprise most other writers. We are all a nervous bunch when it comes to our creative efforts. We fear criticism and we doubt praise. I often call myself a writer with tongue in cheek. Sure, I have always put pen to paper or fingers to keyboard in an effort to express my deepest thoughts or my self-proclaimed wisdom about the world we live in. I can’t really help myself. My life is comprised of words. My brain thinks in complete sentences. If the words are in me they must find their way into print — somehow. If not, they invade my dreams — giving me new excuses for my insomnia. I need to share those words because — sometimes — people like what I say. They thank me for my point of view. They are grateful for a different perspective when I have one to offer. I feel important when someone says my words have added something to their own lives. It feels like my mission on earth is being carried out. It psyches my delusional mind with feelings of self-importance when those accolades come. Because, you see, sometimes my words suck. There, I said it! Everything I write isn’t worthy. The literary history books will probably never know my name. My words can sound to me like the useless drivel of a clueless hack. So, why bother writing? Why? Because I can’t always tell the difference between what has meaning to someone and what is more or less diarrhea of the mouth on my part. I have written words that — I was certain — had the potential to redirect the course of human history. I was sure they were that impacting! (Laugh if you must — we all think too highly of ourselves from time to time) Those words fell on deaf ears. I guess the world wasn’t quite ready for me yet.

Eureka Moments Do Exist

I have also written words that I was almost ashamed to allow to see the light of day. For whatever crazy reason, I still pushed “publish” or “submit” or whatever else was required to expose myself to the world — and those words hit home! Some of my best writing sales have been with articles I hesitated to reveal after they were written. Again, I misjudged the value of my words. I figure if someone is willing to spend money on my writing, there must be some validity to what I have to say. Clearly, I am not a good judge of my worth. I have come to realize that as a fact. It’s encouraging, really, because it gives me the freedom to write without judging myself or holding back when I really have something to say. Let the world decide! Love me or hate me — I will still write.

It’s Always Been This Way I’ve recently gone back in time to some of my earlier writing. Some of it made its way to market; some of it still languishes in my archives. There is (in my opinion) good and bad work in both camps. I’ve clearly improved (again, the only opinion I share here is my own), but I can still see choppy efforts and disjointed ideas. It’s amazing how much better vision gets as we age.

I’ll Let You Be the Judge of That We all eventually find our niche in life (if we are lucky). Clearly, I write because words continue to flow. I edit because that is what writers must do to perfect their craft. I try not to pass judgment on the work I produce because . . . I’m just not very good at it. We should all be playing to our strengths in life. When we identify a weakness, sometimes its best to just let it go. I’ve decided to stop the ongoing personal critique I have with my work and my overall worthiness as a human being. Everyone I encounter will have an opinion one way or another about me, my work, my mere existence on the planet — and I have no control over that.

All I can do is keep on writing.