Sometimes I Just Can’t Figure Out What I’m Feeling At All
A stream of consciousness reflection on life
I’m walking along randomly in my cozy haven of a home. I’m grateful for my home, my family, my health. Sure I have a few chronic medical issues, nothing too serious but definitely something I deal with almost daily. But still, for the most part, my family and I enjoy good health. I have financial stability, a job I like (don’t love but do like), and I’m pretty happy.
Actually, I’m really happy. I have my complaints, who doesn’t have a few? But mostly I’m super happy. So what is this odd feeling I get once in awhile?
The feeling is hard to explain. It’s not quite loneliness or emptiness but it is a slight bit of a hollow feeling. It feels as though something is missing, some piece of life’s puzzle is somewhere out there — except I don’t know what shape the puzzle piece is or even if it’s an edge piece. I have no idea its color or if it’s lost nearby or impossible to find.
The sensation comes and goes randomly. It might be once a week for awhile or disappear for months. Is it some kind of stress or anxiety, is it that I’m missing a loved one who has passed, is it sadness? I’m just not sure. I’m grateful it’s not an all-the-time thing. It’s definitely just a sometimes thing.
Once in awhile I think it’s a down to the ups in my life. I believe in the balance of things and the power of the universe. Sometimes I think the feeling is a reminder for me to take a moment to reflect on life. Sometimes I think maybe I’m just a worry-wart.
Sometimes I just can’t figure out what I’m feeling at all.
If you made it this far, thank you. This was a stream of consciousness piece that I basically wrote from top to bottom. I made few edits and simply wrote as if I were thinking out loud. It’s completely nonfiction and a reflection on a piece of my life.