Something Valuable I Learned from Narcissists
What if you took some of the better traits of a narcissist, and incorporated them into your personality?
Umm What?? Do narcissists have any good traits at all?
Well actually, there are some things that narcissists do better than the average common folk like us. One thing that stands out with grandiose narcissists especially is their extreme confidence around others — even if they are doubtful within themselves they never show it.
It is very uncommon for a narcissist to project their insecurity of being good enough, onto their partner. They may play victim, but that’s for another time.
But throughout the years working with both narcissists, and victims of narcissistic abuse — I learned some very important lessons. One which I’m going to share with you now.
It’s a doozy, so don’t shoot the messenger.
One thing that I actually admire about grandiose narcissists is their confidence.
Mmm okay I said it!
I really admire how they can walk into a room and feel comfortable, or even feel like the most important person in the room. Even if it comes with cockiness and arrogance.
Have you ever noticed how unphased they are? They will just move from one to another, not seemingly worried about anything.
Confidence. It’s a good lesson.
Have you ever projected your fears of not being good enough onto your partner?
Have you ever projected your insecurities about being in a relationship with someone who you really loved, but you just can’t help yourself?
Have you ever noticed, that the grandiose narcissists especially never doubt themselves? They never project onto their partner how insecure they feel, or whether they are good enough, or continually seek approval and validation that their partner loves them.
In fact, some of the time they won’t seek approval because they know that if they leave or dump you, they can still get anyone they want.
Imagine having that sort of confidence.
Not projecting our low self worth and confidence onto others, is such an important trait to have.
This is why so many narcissists are charismatic and charming — because they never doubt their self worth. As a narcissist.. they already know how good they are.
So what would it look like if you didn’t project your fears of being not good enough onto your partner?
Perhaps you would have a healthier relationship. Instead of seeking validation from your person, hold in your heart that if they tell you that they love you — that they mean it.
In a healthy relationship, there is equal give and take.
It’s not about trusting every single word that comes out of their mouth, but if you are insecure about your relationship then talk to someone. Don’t continually ask the questions to your partner like:
- Am I pretty enough for you?
- Do you really love me?
- Are you just saying that?
- I’m not a good wife, how could you love me?
- Are you sure that you want to be with me?
- Don’t you want to be with me?
- Do you wish you could be with someone else?
- Do you want to be with me?
What would your relationships look like, if you didn’t project any of your low self worth onto your partner?
Have a question about a narcissist? Send me an email with your question with subject #askanne to [email protected] and I will post your question for answering.