SOMETHING FOOLISH
On the threshold of our bedroom, I admire Giulia, my wife, while she prepares for the evening with her girlfriends. It’s a Friday night habit that she has always maintained throughout our marriage. Giulia is a brilliant, independent woman. During the almost 10 years of marriage, I have always respected her. With her, it couldn’t be different. It’s never been a problem. But today I know the situation is different. Giulia has changed recently. Her behavior was never the same again. I, who know her well, couldn’t help but notice. But you can’t change your behavior for a decade because of some suspicion. People change, relationships change. Giulia is the center of my world. I’m not willing to lose her without a fight. I thought a lot about what to do. Addressing her directly didn’t seem like the most sensible thing to me. Not with her. Too brilliant and independent. She would deny it, she would reject any explanation. Perhaps, a less direct approach, might be the right one. I believe I should try it out, owing it to me, to her, to us. I’m not convinced that Giulia has changed so much that she would throw everything away like that.
I advance into the room, join her in front of the mirror where she is doing her makeup. I massage her shoulders. Her smile reaches me reflected. Her usual smile.
“You look beautiful tonight. As always, maybe more.”
“Thank you.”
“Why so sexy for an evening with your girlfriends?”
Her eyes immediately stop on mine. But nothing transpires.
“I want to be up to par. I couldn’t bear to be less sexy than them.”
“The other times, it didn’t seem that important to you.”
Her smile shrinks ever so slightly.
“It will be a special evening. We want to have more fun than usual. It is a heavy and stressful time for everyone. It will do us good.”
“The problem is that only later do you realize it was something foolish. But after, it’s too late.”
She doesn’t stop her makeup movements, but looks at me from time to time. She doesn’t understand what I’m getting at. My words disturb her.
“The consequences of screwing up can be devastating. It never goes back. Everything changes. Life would never be the same. Everything built suddenly crumbles.”
Now her look is worried. But Giulia is proud, she would never admit. She is going to celebrate for an evening with her girlfriends.
“Luca, what’s happening to you? You drank? What do you want to say? What does this have to do with us now?” very frowning.
“Nothing. Thoughts running through my mind.”
“Do you want to ruin my evening?”
“No. I just thought that when you do something stupid, you don’t realize what you’re doing. Only after you understand it, but it’s too late.”
I get down. I kiss her hair and then walk away.
Normally when she goes out, she comes to kiss me. Today I deny myself. She can’t find me. She leaves without carrying out that ritual. I want her to go out on her night with my words as her last memory of me.
My evening is horrible. A couple of months have passed since I noticed the changes in Giulia’s behavior. At first I didn’t know what to do. Ours has always been a relationship based on trust. I couldn’t get jealous or suspicious by causing havoc first. I wanted to be superior, up to par. But soon I had to understand more. A former comrade of mine opened an information services agency. We spoke sometimes. He always told me to consider him at my disposal in case of need. I had always thought I would never need it. I called him and explained the situation. After confirming his displeasure to me, he made himself available. It didn’t take many weeks for him to gather a lot of information. My suspicions were correct. Giulia often was seeing a man. A manager of a company that often collaborates with Giulia’s. One thing that comforted me was that, in his opinion, the relationship was still platonic. No secret meetings. According to him, Giulia was not yet intimate with him. But the progress of things could only lead to that conclusion. The detective had gathered all the information relating to that scoundrel who wanted to fuck my wife. And Giulia, my brilliant and independent wife, seemed intent on supporting him. I didn’t know what to do. If Giulia wanted that man, it meant that I was no longer enough for her. Maybe something had changed between us. What could I do? Oppose? Making jealous scenes? I think if she wanted another man, I should accept it. Maybe it was already over for us. I didn’t want to humiliate myself and prostrate myself for her. But I still love her like on the first day. Maybe more, now that I knew her better. We had been saying for some time that it was time to have children. A sign that our relationship was solid and fertile. Why did she seem so changed and numb now?
Time passed. Giulia lied to me. She, always transparent, lied shamelessly. She was unaware that the next day they were informing me of what she had actually done. Very different from what she had told me, with the same diligence and detail as when she told me the truth. Weeks have passed. Months. This week I realized we are now at the point. I am convinced that Giulia was entering the bed of her suitor. If she did, I would find out and our world would crumble. She doesn’t know that her lies are already driving a wedge between us. The detective explained to me who the scoundrel you trust is. It is clear the man has bad intentions. I feel the duty to protect her. But how can I do it while respecting her person? I should make her understand that she’s stupid. This is not our custom. She disappoints me.
During that distressing time, our relationships continued normally. Giulia was with me as she had always been. The sex continued to be great. Maybe even a little better. Or maybe it was just my impression. The time we spent together was as beautiful as ever. Giulia has always been a very pleasant company. Electrifying. I couldn’t understand the fact that she wanted to share her person with another man. Where had I gone wrong? Where was I missing?
I’m not a drinker, but this evening I need alcohol. I wouldn’t be able to bear the wait. How soon will she return? Will she come back? Will she come back after fucking him? Will she crawl into our bed as if nothing had happened? And I? should I sleep with her? Only tomorrow would I know if she had actually consummated that betrayal. Would she have forced me to sleep with her still wrapped in his scent? Will she take a shower before returning? Is it normal to come home after a meeting with girlfriends, showered? My delirium stretches in absurd directions.
I must have fallen asleep, luckily. I look at the alarm clock. It’s just after midnight. It is early. Is a strange noise that woke me up. Suffocated sobs coming from the living room. I get up and stagger in that direction. Giulia is sobbing. She sat on the sofa, with her face hidden in her hands. I’ve never seen her cry so much. She is a strong woman. But she’s melting now. I can’t get any closer.
“Julia, what’s happening?”
She shakes her head, remaining hidden in her hands, sobbing until she can’t breathe.
“Did you do something foolish?”
The crying increases at my question, but then she shakes her head.
Her denial surprises me. Possible? She didn’t do it?
“Did you go close?”
The crying continues, but this time a slow yes with the head.
“Very close?”
The yes with the head this time is immediate, easier after the previous one.
I feel the anxiety rising, that lump in my stomach. They’re called jealousy.
“Did you undress for him?”
She cries less now. Her confession lightens her spirits. Then her head nods again.
“Completely?”
A whisper: “Yes.”
“So you fucked him.”
“NO!” strong, vehemently. She looks up. Her eyes are red, swollen.
“You were naked with him and you didn’t do anything?” I ask her, surprised.
“No. Your words were bouncing around in my head. I realized I was about to do something foolish. Exactly what you told me. Suddenly, he disappeared. I didn’t know why I was there with him like that. I got dressed and came back here. The only place I should have been.”
Her words comforted me. A sigh escapes me. “Strange that someone like him would let you go. You were there, naked. I would have expected him to force you to finish.”
“But what do you know? You do not know him. He is a gentle, kind man. He would never do something like that.”
“He’s nothing like what you say.”
“But you can’t know that..” she looks at me, frowning. “How long have you suspected?”
“The first suspicion was when you told me you were going out with Federica. You had a strange look on your face. I’d never seen it before. You didn’t remember that I have known her husband before her. Instinctively, I called him with an excuse. I knew you had gone out with your girlfriends, but I needed urgent information. I didn’t know who you were with. He told me that Federica was at home, alone with him. You lied to me.”
“And then? You followed me?”
“Not me. But a person followed you to me. You and him. That’s how I found out everything about him.”
“Did you follow me? A detective?” incredulous. I nod.
“But how could you?” she immediately gets angry. She doesn’t surprise me.
“I had to. I had to figure out if you were still my wife. Or if you wanted to destroy our marriage, to leave with him. Don’t you think that was my right?”
She looks away. “I never thought about doing it.”
“But you were about to sleep with him. And you’ve been flirting with him for months.”
“So you know about these two months……”
“It’s better if you stop lying if you still want to save something. If you continue to lie, you will only push me further away.”
She frowns. She realizes the situation is worse than she thought. “What do you mean by lying?”
“It’s not two months. It’s 3 months and twelve days.” My precision is astonishing. She realizes that my knowledge of her flirtation is far from sketchy.
She sighs. “He is an unhappy man. Prisoner of a suffocating marriage. His wife thinks only of their two children and he feels abandoned. But he is a gentleman. He would do anything over the top.”
“So you would have gone to the rescue? Some kind of do-it-all nurse?”
Giulia shakes her head. “I don’t know. Maybe yes. Maybe this role intrigued me. You are a solid man. Sometimes I feel like I have no use for you.”
“This is crazy. When I saw you were preparing yourself for him, I felt like dying.”
“I am sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you like this. You weren’t supposed to know anything.”
“Was doing it behind my back more noble?”
The effect is such that she is crying again. Bitter tears that fall, without hiding.
“Haven’t you thought about his wife? About his children?” She looks at me pitifully.
“His wife causes everything” but while she says it, she knows it is a thesis that she cannot support.
“And your husband? Haven’t you thought about me?”
“Not for a moment did I think of giving up on you. It was never my intention.”
“Did you think I could bear to share you with another? Do I seem like that kind of man to you?”
She doesn’t know how to answer; she lowers her gaze.
“Maybe that’s what you want. Would you like me to be like this?”
“Nooo. What do you say? I have never made considerations of this type.”
Sigh. Now I have to tell her all. “Giulia, Franco is not what you think.”
It hits her when she hears me call his name.
Annoyed. “What do you know about him. You won’t think you know him because you had followed him.”
“You only know about him, what he told you about himself. Have you ever checked anything yourself?”
She looks at me but is silent. Maybe a thought about her is now worrying her.
“By following him, I know him better than you.” My words fall heavy on her.
“Why? What do you know?”
“He is not at all a gentleman. He is a manipulator, a serial predator.”
“What are you saying! Frank? You don’t know what you’re saying.” She’s really annoyed. I recognize the confident Giulia.
“While he is flirting with you, he has two stable relationships with other women. Sonia and Camilla. She fucks them both every week. With impressive regularity.”
She looks at me in amazement, silent. Too many details to contradict me.
“You were about to become the third prey of his harem.”
A few seconds pass. Then a screaming roar comes from her throat. She looks like a wounded animal. She rushes towards her smartphone. I block her.
No, do not do it. Not now. Sleep on it if you can. Tomorrow, with a cool head, you will decide to better what to do.”
She gives up. She started crying again. I would like to hug her, console her. But I’m hurt too. I see her naked, offered to his eyes. She didn’t give herself, but she was very close to doing so. I continue to enlighten her. It’s time to say everything.
“The two women don’t know about each other. They are both married, with children. He only preys on other people’s wives. They have more to lose and are better controllable. Single women are too dangerous. He meets Sonia and Camilla in different places, so as not to mix the two relationships. I’m sure he took you to another place tonight, dedicated to you.”
She closes her eyes. The tears continue to fall. “I feel so stupid. I let myself down.”
She disappointed me too. But I don’t tell her, there’s no point in raging.
“We need to warn those women. They need to know. Also, her wife.”
“Melissa” I know that too. She looks at me now, surrendered.
“Yeah, Melissa.”
“But not tonight.” I tell her patiently. “Let’s sleep on it. Tomorrow, I will give you all the telephone numbers and you will do what you want. But you have to be clear and think about it.”
Giulia nods, sighing. “Yes, you are right. I’m exhausted. Let’s go to sleep.”
“But not in the same bed.” My words shock Giulia.
“Why? I didn’t cheat on you. I didn’t fuck him.”
“It is true. This gives us hope. But try to think about it. I know that you have been preparing for weeks and tonight you wanted to consummate your betrayal with him. You can’t explain why. We can’t sweep everything under the rug like it’s nothing. We both need to understand why this happened. If we think of rebuilding a future together, we must do it on solid foundations. We must look within ourselves for the reasons for this disaster.”
She looks at me as if she doesn’t want to hear it. “I don’t want to give up on you, want to live my life with you. I’ve never changed my mind. Hope I didn’t ruin everything.”
“If we want to save our marriage, we must understand the reasons for this situation. What’s wrong with you and what’s wrong with me.”
“You didn’t do anything. It’s all my fault.”
“I don’t think so, Giulia. If you felt the need to approach another man, it’s because I did something wrong. I do not know what. We need to get help.”
“What do you propose?”
“To go to therapy. I already have the name of a doctor who is helping a colleague of mine and her wife. You will go to therapy alone, I will go alone and then together. She will help us understand what went wrong. In the meantime, it’s better if we sleep separately. We will need it to better understand what we want to do. How we want to continue. If we want to continue.”
“Don’t send me away, Luca. I want to stay with you. I need you.”
“I’m not kicking you out. Let’s continue to live together. Try to understand. How do I know you are truly convinced of this? You will allow some doubts to arise after everything that has happened. We will continue our life as usual. If this brings us closer together, then we will return to the same bed. But we must rebuild our history on solid foundations.”
“You are right. Let’s do as you say. I’m moving into the guest room.”
“Can I ask you to give me your phone?”
Giulia looks at me, perplexed. “Do you want to check it?”
“Absolutely not. I am not interested. Switch it off. I want to make sure that tonight, in the heat of the moment, you won’t do anything. Tomorrow morning, you will turn it back on and you will see I haven’t even touched it. You will take it back and do what you think.”
Giulia sighs and hands it to me.
Later, now morning, I hear a soft step in the room. It’s Giulia who whispers in my ear that she’s taking the phone back.
“It’s Saturday, sleep as much as you want, I’ll prepare breakfast.” She kisses me on the ear and leaves.
Her voice is more confident. That brief sleep probably gave her courage back. There is still hope.
When I join her in the kitchen, it’s full of the smell of coffee, toasted slices and jam. Her phone is on the table, still turned off.
As usual, I sit in my seat with her in front.
“I thought, decided what to do. Now I’ll turn the phone back on and make the first phone call. You will hear everything.”
She selects a number from the address book. Ringing.
“Hello? Giulia?”
“Good morning Alberto. Sorry if I call on Saturday morning. I hope it’s not too early.”
Alberto is her boss.
“No problem, Giulia. What happens?”
“I have a problem, and I would like to talk to you about it right away.”
“Sure, what’s the problem?”
“I would like you to exempt me from dealing with the NOREX supplier. Their sales representative, Franco Tebaldi, behaved inappropriately towards me. I wish I never had to see him again.”
“I understand. I’m shocked. Problems with your husband? No, Luca knows everything. Of course, he is not happy that his wife is being undermined while she works. I don’t want to deal with him anymore, anyway.”
“Don’t worry Giulia. I’ll take care of it personally. In the most confidential way possible. I hope he hasn’t done anything to you, anything irreparable.”
“Thank you Alberto. No, nothing irreparable. I knew I could count on you.”
She ended the call and looked at me across the table. “I wasn’t completely honest. It is true his behavior was inappropriate. But it is also true I consented.”
“He manipulated you. This is not a fault.”
“I shouldn’t have allowed it.”
“If he succeeded, it’s because he found an opening in you. That’s what we need to understand with therapy.”
Giulia sighs, looking at her phone. “Now give me Melissa’s number.”
“You don’t think Franco is at home with her?”
“I do not think. He told her he was traveling for work and that he would return on Sunday evening.”
“He planned two nights with you?”
“It seems so. It would all depend on me. I certainly didn’t have that intention. However, from two nights we dropped to not even one.”
I give it to her. She dials the number.
“Hello?”
“Melissa?”
“Yes, who’s talking?”
“My name is Giulia. We don’t know each other. But I know Franco. We collaborate. He is a Sales in a company that supplies mine. I’m in Purchasing.”
“I understand. Has something happened to Franco?”
“I would say no. But he’s not on a business trip, it’s just a cover. He actually wanted to spend the night with me. In fact, last night I was in the hotel room with him. But then I didn’t feel like it and left before anything happened.”
They remain waiting. On the other end of the call, the woman thinks about what she just heard. Giulia feels like a worm.
“Did you leave him hanging?” The answer shocks them.
“I would say yes.”
“Congratulations, I already like you.”
“I didn’t think you would take it like that. I feel like a worm. Ashamed of myself. My self-esteem is at rock bottom. But I thought you should know. If I think about all the nonsense, he told me and me believing him.”
“He must have told you he has a shitty marriage, right?”
“Yes.”
“Indeed, it is so. I did not know. Tonight when I came home and confessed everything to my husband, I discovered a person had followed us. Franco sees two other women, Sonia and Camilla. But he has had sex with them every week for years.”
“Well, this confirms my suspicions. I didn’t have proof, but I knew it was so.”
“I’m sorry, that’s all I wanted to tell you, anyway. If you need it, we have the proof.”
“I don’t think I’ll do anything.”
“Nothing?” Giulia asks, surprised.
“I know Franco. I’ve always known he’s a womanizer. When he married me, my competitors were all in mourning. It didn’t take long to see them proud and smiling again. He fucked them all, even though he was married to me.”
“I understand.” Giulia doesn’t know what to say anymore.
“You see, despite everything, Franco is a good father. He follows the children, doesn’t let us miss anything. And me too, I certainly can’t say that he neglects me. In bed, he is always very good. If you left before fucking him, know that you missed something. If the other two don’t give up on him, there’s a reason.”
“Sorry again, good luck.”
“Giulia, don’t feel too guilty. Franco is very skilled with women. Feel more like a victim than a perpetrator.”
After finishing that phone call, we look at each other. “Looks like you missed out on a good fuck by running away.” I’m trying to lighten up.
“Stop that. Do not joke. I felt like a nurse coming to the rescue. How stupid.”
Sonia and Camilla followed. The first undoubtedly reacted emotionally. Camilla, instead, seemed colder. Both have fallen from the clouds. They too thought they were Red Cross nurses coming to the rescue of him.
Once those are done, all that remains is to think about how to move forward.
“What do we do now?” Giulia asks, a little lost.
“Don’t you call him?”
“No. I’m done with him. The company will burn ties. I don’t want to hear about him anymore. I’ve already blocked his number.”
“Did he look for you?”
“Yes, messages and calls. But it’s too late now.”
“Well, today is Saturday. We can do what we do on Saturdays.”
Giulia scrutinizes me. “Do you know what we do on Saturdays?”
“What did we do before?”
Often on Saturdays, when we woke up, we had wild sex. Even now, after years of marriage, our desire had not faded.
“If you hadn’t turned around last night, and I hadn’t suspected anything, would we have had sex now?”
Giulia stares at me in dismay. “Luca, you’re right. I was about to cheat on you and I’m here joking. If we want to save what we can save, we must do things right. You’re right when you say I’m not sure why I was doing it. Now that I know the truth about Franco, I really don’t understand how I believed all those tall tales. I have to understand this. I need the help you suggest.”
“Well. Then I suggest we get dressed and go to the lake. We could have lunch at that restaurant we’ve been to before.”
“Are you sure this is okay?”
“Do you want to do it?”
“Of course, it’s enough for me to be with you.”
“Then get ready. Go get dressed. Then I’ll go.”
“We do it together, normally.”
“Naah. I don’t want to see you naked. I want you, you know.”
“Honey. I also want you. If you want me, I can be yours even now.”
“No. We have already talked about it. Go get dressed.”
Giulia heads towards the room. I look at her, laughing. I’m optimistic, I haven’t lost her.
EPILOGUE
Alberto, Giulia’s boss, caused a stir with Franco’s company. They immediately fired him for inappropriate behavior in his role. As a result, Melissa filed for divorce. Giulia provided her with proof of his infidelity. The judge agreed with her. He assigned her the house and the children. Sentenced Franco to pay alimony to his former family. He found another job, well paid, he had no problem paying them.
Sonia lost her lover. Her husband never found out. He must have been a very distracted husband. Camilla instead asked for a divorce. Evidently, her marriage was over. Franco did nothing but prove it to him.
Giulia and I continued the therapy for months. First, she was alone. She became able to understand that the breach Franco had used was a consequence of the way I treated her. My absolute trust in her and all that freedom had created confusion in her. She saw no boundaries or limits, leading her to believe that I didn’t care much about her. However, it mattered a lot to me. That evening, my indirect reference to the bullshit she was about to do had the right effect. I made her understand that there were limits. She was free to respect them or not, but if she exceeded them, I could not accept it. That was enough to make her doubts vanish. She exercised her freedom by deciding to get dressed and not exceed that limit.
The therapy helped me better modulate my communication with her. She is free, yes, but with precise boundaries that are acceptable to me. Together, we then refined all this and reached to rebuild an even more solid relationship than before.
Giulia returned to our bed. Our long abstinence had lit us up like flammable torches. The pleasure shared again bonded us even more.
One evening, exhausted after a session of passionate sex, Giulia was clinging to me and was playing with curling hair on my chest. She whispered to me:
“That evening, naked in front of him, I realized how lucky I was to have your love. I immediately had to get dressed and go back to the only man I wanted. I had to come back here to you, where my place was.”
I held her tight to make her understand how important those words were to me.
“When I found you on the couch, why were you crying so desperately?”
“It scared me to death. I had been so close to ruining everything. I hoped it wasn’t too late. In that moment, I was very clear, and I understood well what losing you meant to me.”
I held her tightly again.
A year after the mess, therapy is no longer needed. Things between us are going swimmingly. The disaster of that night is over. We feel it behind us. The future is bright before us. It has Giulia’s sweet profile changing, with her belly growing as she creates our first child.
