Self-Publishing
❅ Someone out there feels better because you exist
I have to ask: Who is in the audience? Who am I entertaining? Does it matter who’s watching me when they’re invisible, invisible inside their heads? What do they want to see me say on stage in this one-man show I perform every night for myself?
Every time the curtain closes and I’m left alone with my thoughts and my words, I find it hard to believe that someone out there feels better because I exist. I don’t want to be a regular person, just some guy in the audience taking a break from his duties as narrator, a man who’s lost his memory and can’t remember who he is. I just want to be an actor — someone who puts on plays every night for the public. I just want to be someone they can get their money’s worth out of, someone they can pay with heartfelt applause. I just want to be appreciated in the same way I understand myself for all my thoughts and words on stage. So let me tell you: I don’t need to be flattered. I don’t need to be thanked. I’m not asking for your understanding or sympathy, but I would appreciate a little attention. It’s easy when everything’s on my terms, but times like these feel different.
This is different. I feel like the audience looks past me and into the place I’m not, where I’m an empty space behind the curtain that they can’t see through. They feel my presence by my absence, and when I look at them through the curtains, closing them off with a wave of my hand, none of them have their eyes on me. I’ve always known this was true, but now it’s undeniable.
Why has no one told me this before?
It can be challenging to feel appreciated and understood, especially when you are performing for an invisible audience. However, it is essential to remember that the value of your work only partially depends on the reaction of others. Your thoughts and words have value in and of themselves, and as long as you are creating and expressing yourself authentically, you are doing important work.
It may not always feel like it, but by sharing your thoughts and experiences with others, you are making a meaningful contribution to the world. So keep pushing yourself to create and express yourself, even when it feels like no one is listening. You are worth it.
