Someone is looking for you — It’s You.

“How are you?” — On a good day, we laugh it off with a cheeky smile. On a bad day, we laugh it off with a cheeky smile. Just slightly less cheeky. It is a question that frequently asked, we often do not even bother to answer it. But what happens if we made a minor change to this question? Converting the last letter of the word “How” to become the first letter, resulting in “Who”.

The question becomes: “Who are you?” … — There it is, silence. No cheeky smile but frowned eyebrows instead.

Both questions often do not even result in an answer. Still, both questions haunt us our lifetime. Within these similarities, the contrasts can be found.

Where one question is probably the world’s most frequently asked question to you, the other question is probably world’s most frequently asked question to yourself. Where one question is not answered because of its simplicity, the other question is not answered because of its difficulty. Remarkable how such minor change can result in such a contrast in outcomes. One question, that easy to answer we do not even answer it. The other question, that difficult to answer we cannot even answer it.

So who are you? A legend? A douche? A simulation-character in a virtual reality?

This is probably one of the biggest philosophical questions of all time. No wonder you are that bad at answering it. But why is it that hard to answer?Because we do not know if the answers we find can be considered as a truth. To be able to answer the question, you need to know that what is true about you.

• In order to find a true answer — the “truth” — to who you are one seeks to find answers that are true despite all changes.

A true answer about you is an answer that is not affected by change. Meaning; It is unconditionally true. That what does not change, does not depend on anything and is therefore unconditional. This is what we both philosophically and scientifically mean with truth.

• A true answer about you is an answer that is unconditional about you. This is that part of you that does not change, despite all changes.

Finding a ‘’true’’ answer.

In order to find the true answer to who you are, you need to know the part of you that does not change; you need to know that part about you that is unconditionally true. You need to know you.

Knowing yourself is incredibly hard because a truth is incredibly hard to find. Historically, “truths” have been quite of a pain in the ass to find. Some even argue these are impossible to find and we can only find best “human” interpretations of truths. An opinion with which I personally tend to agree. Let me illustrate: No matter how many high-tech machines work on drawing a circle now or in any distant future, we will never be able to make a perfectly round circle.

The perfect circle only exists in one place; in theory. Theoretically it exists but practically, however, you can go round and round in circles; you will never be able to draw a truly perfect circle.

The best we can do is do our best to find the least flawed circle, the least flawed answer to who you truly are.

To find an answer to the question, you need to find answers about yourself that are most unconditionally true. You need to find an answer to that part of you that does change and that part of you that doesn’t. And you change, a lot. You have changed, are changing and will change. You might have a different perception of yourself now than you will in two years. Maybe even in two weeks. Especially if you have a split personality, it becomes rather complicated.

Nature ánd Nurture

So if you want to have a true answer, you aim at finding that answer that is unconditionally true. Meaning that it does not change.

We ought to distinct ourselves as partially changing and partially unchanging. This distinction might look familiar to you. That is because we have all been confronted with it before. It is the ancient dialogue of nature or nurture. Ancient because it doesn’t find the true answers, no perfect circles. Just as the circle is endless, this dialogue is endless and on-going. Despite the on-going debate whether this part is nature or nurture, both perspectives have an assumption in common. The nature and nurture perspectives both have the assumption that you are defined. Both perspectives do believe that there is an answer. But whether it is defined by genetic material — nature — or environment — nurture- is the question. To me it is a dialogue about each ratio.

I do not consider this to be either black or white. We consist of a part that is prone to change and a part that is not prone to change.

At this very moment, we are a product of two parts. Not nature or nurture, but nature and nurture — That what does change and that what does not change. The way we can learn more about ourselves, is by looking at change. We have to start looking at change within ourselves.

Focussing on the change within ourselves offers two insights.

1. Change is the nurture.

As Muhammad Ali once said: “A man who views the world the same at fifty as he did at twenty has wasted thirty years of his life”.

By focussing on this change, we can pursue clarity of this part of us. In order to understand change, you need to experience it. You need to experience how you respond to it. A lack of experience is a lack of understanding. No matter how smart a kid may be, a kid will never be able to give you an adult answer to adult questions. A person never having experienced a change in the form a loss, a broken heart or that first kiss cannot understand it. Because let’s be fair, we all sucked on that first kiss. We need to experience change to understand change. Experience of change is vital. With age, the more we can seem to adjust ourselves to a change such as a loss. The older we get, the more we are able to have had experience and the more we have experienced change.

The saying “knowledge comes with age” seems strikingly appropriate.

2. No change is the nature.

Paradoxically, by focussing on change, we can pursue clarity on that part that of us does not change. By experiencing change over and over again, you can see what part of you changes. But by seeing what changes, you can see that part that does not change. You can see the nature part of you.

I personally like to look at it like this. We all have friends. Whether these are real or imaginary is up to you. If I look at my closest friends, the friends I have since the age of twelve — the friends I know best — Despite all having gone through high school and university and all having changed, at core each of them is still the same person as he was back then. An alpha is still an alpha, just slightly differently shaped. The alpha part is the nature, the shape part is the nurture.

The better you can distinct the part of you that does change and the part of you that doesn’t, the better the answer will be. By finding a better answer to who you are, the better you can understand yourself.

The way in doing so is by looking at change within you. The more change you witness (=experience), the more clarity you can have on that part that doesn’t change.

If you seek to find this least flawed circle, you ought to understand both the changing and unchanging part of you. You ought to understand both the nurture and nature part of you.

Making nature ánd nurture complements.

• Knowing you is knowing your nature.

So do you go round and round in circles, or do you come full circle.