Some of My Favorite Books About How Gender Dynamics Impact our Culture
Eight books that helped me to better understand what’s going on, and how we can work together to create a better world
I’m interested in having a better understanding of what is going on in our culture as far as how constructs and constraints of gender impact how we think and act. I want to know, beyond the surface dynamics, what’s going on in the subtext, and why we haven’t moved forward any further than we have on actual equality. Naturally, I’m most interested in how that impacts women because I’ve felt the effects of it my entire life, but I’m also curious and sympathetic about how these things negatively impact men as well.
It’s a topic that I read about constantly, so I decided (at the suggestion of Maevyn Frey) to share a few of the books that I’ve found most interesting and impactful. Many of them were first recommended to me by other people, some of them friends and some just people I came across on Medium. They are in no particular order, except for the first one, because it was the first book of its kind that I read, maybe 20 years ago, and it got me started down this path of inquiry.
The Chalice and the Blade by Dr. Riane Eisler
Our History, Our Future
This is an astonishing piece of in-depth research and analysis into how early human history contrasts with more recent social and power dynamics. Eisler looks at the past and the present, citing hundreds of other scholarly works, and using her background as a sociologist and systems scientist to formulate Cultural Transformation Theory — the story of how we moved as humans from a partnership to a domination social model.
The Chalice and the Blade was originally published in 1988. Translated into 26 languages and with 57 US printings to date, this classic book lays out extensive historical evidence of most of human history being centered on intentional egalitarianism and cooperation, how domination-based cultures overran that world, and what we can do to move back toward greater partnership, peace, and equality.
Invisible Women by Caroline Criado Perez
Data Bias in a World Designed for Men
“The result of this deeply male-dominated culture is that the male experience, the male perspective, has come to be seen as universal, while the female experience — that of half the global population, after all — is seen as, well, niche.” ~ C.C. Perez
Most people can call to mind several ways that living in an androcentric culture disadvantages women, but this meticulously researched book goes in-depth into dozens of ways that you’re probably not aware of, simply because they are off the radar for nearly everyone.
From the way that cities are planned, to the way that safety equipment is designed, failure to take women’s different bodies and different life experiences into account results in marginalization and harm that is often quite unintentional. We can’t address problems that we can’t see, so it’s important to understand the deficits to equality that are largely in our blind spots.
Untrue by Wednesday Martin
Why Nearly Everything We Believe About Women, Lust, and Infidelity is Wrong and How the New Science Can Set Us Free
I spend a lot of my time debunking false cultural narratives, so this book was right up my alley. We’ve been told what women’s sexuality is like, but that’s largely a function of how patriarchal culture wants it to be — not how it actually is. Modern research challenges all that and Martin makes it accessible and fascinating to read.
For centuries, men have been telling the story of female sexuality. Unsurprisingly, it was riddled with condescension, bias, and sheer ignorance. With Untrue, Wednesday Martin sets the record straight, shining a light on some of the female researchers reshaping our understanding of what turns women on, and why. This is an important story, beautifully told. Highly recommended.~Christoper Ryan, coauthor of Sex at Dawn
Delusions of Gender by Cordelia Fine
How Our Minds, Society, and Neurosexism Create Difference
We still know so little about the brain that it’s much too soon to tell what any of the tiny structural differences in brains might mean, but so far there is no evidence that they influence interests, aptitudes, or abilities. Any so-called evidence to the contrary is a function of small sample sizes, shoddy methodology, and wanting it to be true. Aside from the observable reality of millions of women excelling at “male brain” activities and millions of men excelling at ones supposed to be for female brains only, Fine intelligently skewers this “everyone knows” trope and puts it to rest.
Instead of a “male brain” and a “female brain,” Fine gives us a glimpse of plastic, mutable minds that are continuously influenced by cultural assumptions about gender.
Passionately argued and unfailingly astute, Delusions of Gender provides us with a much-needed corrective to the belief that men’s and women’s brains are intrinsically different — a belief that, as Fine shows with insight and humor, all too often works to the detriment of ourselves and our society. ~Norton Books
The Macho Paradox by Jackson Katz
Why Some Men Hurt Women and How All Men Can Help
Transformative social change will come about only if a critical mass of men realize that it is in their self-interest to reduce the level of men’s violence against women. Self-interest is a far more powerful motivational tool than is concern for social justice. ~Jackson Katz
Katz has been working since the 1970s to help men see the ways that a culture of masculinity based in domination and control of women hurts them, as well as everyone else. He’s participated in creating pioneering programs for helping men take responsibility for the ways they contribute to violence and inequality in our culture, often without any malice or intention to do so.
This is the book that helped me realize we will never have a better society until more men get invested in shifting it away from mainstream norms that drive violence and marginalization of women. It’s not about blame; it is about responsibility for making things better. Creating pathways for this to become a leadership trait for men offers a powerful way forward.
Entitled by Kate Manne
How Male Privilege Hurts Women
In 2019 Kate Manne was named one of the world’s top ten thinkers by Prospect magazine. In this book, she looks at everything from himpathy — a term that she coined to describe inordinate sympathy for male perpetrators of misogyny or sexual misconduct — to structural policies and institutional dynamics that disadvantage women in favor of men’s comfort, access to opportunity, and prioritization as the “real” people of the world.
With wincing clarity, Manne explains how a society that organizes itself around the wants and whims of men will radiate that bias into every area of life. . . . Her observations offer that rare brand of insight: the kind so ingenious that it quickly begins to seem obvious.~The Atlantic
The Will to Change by bell hooks
Men, Masculinity, and Love
Everyone needs to love and be loved — even men. But to know love, men must be able to look at the ways that patriarchal culture keeps them from knowing themselves, from being in touch with their feelings, from loving. ~Simon and Schuster
bell hooks was fiercely intelligent, but also deeply passionate about creating a better society for us all. Although there is research cited in this book, it’s a more personal unfolding of her well-developed theories about how patriarchal society harms men (and everyone else). A must-read for any man who wants to find a way forward for himself, and for the women in his world.
Men Who Hate Women by Laura Bates
From Incels to Pickup Artists, the Truth About Extreme Misogyny and How It Affects Us All
This book was hard to read at times because it details the huge amount of extreme hatred of and violence toward women that is currently being fostered via the internet. Usually, I could only stomach a few pages at a time, but I finished it because we can’t address problems that we don’t see or understand. Not only are lonely young men looking for community and guidance being sucked into what are essentially hate cults designed to keep them angry and paying for advice, but young boys are being recruited as well via gaming.
Tackling this problem, dismantling these pressures, is a matter of life and death for our boys. They are toppling like dominoes into the chasm we leave behind when we tiptoe around and refuse to name the problem. But we don’t like to offend men. So we don’t mention it. ~Laura Bates
Bates spent more than a year undercover in an incel forum and has meticulously researched the ways that manosphere misogyny of all sorts is often co-morbid with racism and other problematic dynamics where white men losing cultural centrality are pushing back — often violently — against inclusion and gender parity.
Having experienced myriad bad things at the hands of men my entire life, I started out wanting to understand WTF was wrong with them. The more I educated myself, the more I understood the ways that a dominance hierarchy culture deeply entrenched in gender as a binary wounds all of us.
We’re each responsible for our words and actions as individuals, but the indoctrination into a culture where boys are taught that they are better than girls and that women exist for their pleasure and comfort, but also that they must always be in control, and always be the winner harms them too.
To create a better world for women, but also for men and everyone, we all need to do our part to understand the dynamics in play and try to address them. Being well-versed in what’s really going on equips us to better address the problems. I intend to keep learning, so if you’ve got suggestions to add to my list, please feel free to add them in the comments.
© Copyright Elle Beau 2023
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