Solutions for Incels

I have seen a lot of people write about incels over the years, most of it being negative. Which, if they are violent, misogynistic, etc., I can understand the motivation behind not liking them. However, I’m not sure if mocking people who are NOT the violent, misogynistic, etc. type of guys who, nevertheless, have issues attracting women for whatever reason, is very helpful. And I think that the world could use a lot more empathy and compassion for people if they are actually suffering for things that they can’t help or largely can’t help.

All that being said, I want to actually offer solutions instead of stupid comments like “you all need to get together and jump off a cliff with your sex dolls” or whatever. But one thing that I want to say before I try to offer solutions is that it seems to me that as a man, generally speaking, you should always try to be about solutions. Society doesn’t seem to have much empathy or compassion for men in general, especially when it concerns dealing with men-specific problems. Society isn’t going to feel sorry for you and generally doesn’t care what you do as long as they don’t have to hear you whine and complain about it. Whatever solutions you choose may not be the best solutions and they may not be the solutions that other people want to hear, but hey, maybe they should’ve actually helped or had compassion instead of just tuning you out. Go figure.

Anyway, on to solutions.

1: Take care of yourself

I don’t know what your particular…malfunction (for lack of a better word) is. Maybe you feel that you are ugly. Maybe you feel that you are short. Maybe you feel that you aren’t of the right race. I don’t know. But like I said earlier, whatever a man’s problem is, they need to be about finding solutions instead of simply bemoaning whatever the problem is. In this case, the solution is to play the hand you are dealt and make the most of what you have. So regardless of your facial features, your height, etc., take care of yourself to a high degree. Make sure that your hygiene is on point. When you do go out, wear nice clothing that fit well and that matches. Invest in a very nice watch. Put on some cologne that is known to be attractive to women. The original curve cologne is a nice one. Make sure that your breath is right and brush and floss your teeth often. Whatever your hair texture is (if you have any), make sure that you have a nice haircut or hairstyle. You might need to experiment with different haircuts or hairstyles and if you don’t know which one will work, go to a barber or hairstylist that knows what they are doing and ask them. You don’t have to be decked out whenever you run basic errands like going to the grocery store, but you still need to try to have nice fitting T-shirts, fitting jeans, etc. for those occasions. But if you do go out to a social event, club, bar, or even just a gaming convention or whatever that fits your hobbies and interest, then really have some nice outfits to wear. Make a post on craigslist looking for a female friend who knows about fashion that can go out with you and help you pick out some outfits. By the way, having female friends is another solution that I hope to get into further down. Basically, what I’m trying to say is, if you really feel disadvantaged physically (even if you aren’t), if you really dress well for your body type, keep your hygiene on point, get your haircut and facial hair shaped up in a way that’s most attractive on you, that can probably put you ahead of the game to a high degree.

2: Enhance yourself if you must

Again, it’s about solutions, whether people like them or not. If you are short and that really bothers you and you hate to hear all of the height shaming crap that some stupid people put out online, well, get you some lifts. Hell, women wear high heels, they wear make up, they wear wigs and weave, so why can’t you do something to enhance yourself? If they don’t like the idea of you wearing lifts or shoes that make you taller because they think it’s “deceptive”, hell, f*** ‘em. You’re doing whatever you have to do to make yourself feel better and unless they have some better ideas, don’t worry about it. Besides, what have you got to lose? People who apparently aren’t giving you the time of day anyway?

All that being said though, don’t let the Internet and social media fool you. There are some loudmouth mouth breathers online who claim that they only want tall men and so on, but in the real world, it’s really not that serious. There are a lot of women who either don’t care about height at all, or generally don’t care as long as the guy is a little taller than them. There are also women who don’t care if a guy is shorter than them. The problem generally isn’t the height, it’s the insecurity that some men have ABOUT their height. Men who don’t care if the woman wears heels, even if she’s a little taller than him, is more attractive to them than men who don’t want them to wear heels because it makes even them taller. Go figure. Also, what many women or even what many people THINK they want on paper, they often will go against if they meet the right person.

More about enhancing yourself, invest in a workout routine. I am a firm believer that a little bit is better than nothing. Some people don’t want to work out, whether at home or at the gym, because they are under the illusion that it takes an hour or two to work out. No, even if every other day you just do some push-ups, some curls, some pull ups and sit ups and leave it at that, it might take no more than 15 to 30 minutes (if that), which is better than nothing.

If you feel that your teeth is an issue, try to make a plan to get that fixed. You may not have insurance, but there are dental discount plans that you can get and you don’t have to get those through your job or anything.

3: in the meantime, make friends, both male and female.

I know this may be difficult for those of you, who are so focused on hooking up, but one thing that tends to make men attractive in the eyes of “some” women is social proof. I know it sounds bad and it used to bother me as well to think that women only want to date guys who are seen as popular or whatever, but that might not even be it. It might simply be that they want to know that you are a safe person to be around. And if you have enough people who speak to you when you go to places and you actually have friends, especially other women, don’t look at it the way that goofball pick up artists look at it and say that having females around you makes you attractive only because it looks like other women want you. Rather, when you have female friends, genuine female friends who really like being around you and talking to you, it makes you look like a SAFE person and you have to realize that for a lot of women, safety is a big concern for them. But please don’t be a douche bag about this and only make friends, particularly female friends, JUST to hook up with women. Don’t use people. Actually be friends with people and if you are actually a decent human being, they may know some other people who they could hook you up with or, at least, you’ll have real people to talk to so that you won’t be stewing in your basement all day being angry about society and participating in forums that simply feed into your bitterness.

4: don’t just look for Barbies

I know that this may be an assumption, seeing as how I more than likely don’t know you personally, but I suspect that most incels aren’t REALLY incels in the sense that they probably could have sex with a woman or even land a relationship… it’s just that it may not be with the women they are looking at. I know that telling you to lower your standards and have more realistic expectations may not be what you want to hear because, like anyone, you want to be attracted to the person you are with, but exactly how attractive are we talking? Because many of you claim that women only go for the top notch men or the “Chads” (which may not even be true) and you all seem to resent some of them for that, yet there are probably plenty of women who would date you, but because they don’t look like Barbie or whoever, YOU may not be checking for them! That might sound hypocritical. In any case, there may be some women who are a bit overweight. They may look a bit nerdy and you might suspect that they aren’t freaky (but they are or they could be). They might be of another race. If you are a racist douche bag, I don’t have much sympathy for you, but it may be that you aren’t a racist but simply haven’t even considered women who are of a different race. Personally, I think that attractive women can come in all shapes, colors, races, and sizes. If you don’t think so, you might want to work on that. If you don’t want to work on that, it’s your choice. I’m just offering solutions. Do with them what you will.

5: try to consider demographics and commonalities

When I say demographics, you need to figure out the type of person you are and/or the type of woman you want to attract and know the best places, etc. for those type of people. In other words, you don’t need to just shoot your shot at any woman who you think is attractive, you should probably go to places where there are women who share your interests, hobbies, and who have things in common with you. You can read a book about pick up lines and dating strategies all day and night, but if you are a middle aged or 40 year old IT nerd and you try to use that stuff in a club full of 20 year old college girls, it simply might not work. However, if you go to some IT convention (if that’s your thing) or if you go to a cosplay event, etc., you might be better off. Now, if your hobbies consist of mostly playing video games or things that either don’t require you to deal with other people or hobbies that typically don’t have a lot of women into them, well, maybe you can pick up a hobby or two that can at least allow you to be around women you share a common interest with. If you are a spiritually-minded person, try to find some local churches or religious events in your area. Then again, if you’re just looking for sex, that might not be the best pond for you to fish in.

6: another “bad” solution

If it’s that serious for you to get laid, well, you might just have to pay for it. There is no need for you to have pride saying that you don’t need to pay for it, you shouldn’t have to pay for it, or allow it to make you feel bad for feeling you have to resort to such measures. Personally, I think it’s stupid for men to be shamed for paying for it because some say that prostitution is the oldest profession, so I don’t think in the old days men were shamed for it at all. It was just something that men did. Not only that, but the people who deal with prostitutes aren’t always people who just can’t get laid. There was a movie called American Psycho where the guy seem to be a fairly handsome and financially well-to-do person who STILL dealt with them and I’m sure that there are a lot of rich John’s or whoever that engage in that type of thing for their own reasons. Besides, who cares what people think about it. Not to say it like that, but if it’s the opinion of women that you are concerned about, it’s not like they were giving it up to you themselves, apparently. So you may as well have the mentality that if they aren’t giving it up to you, they shouldn’t be criticizing you for doing what you do or trying to make fun of you. That’s if you even put your business out there that you are doing it to begin with.

All that being said, if you choose to go that route, still be a decent human being and do the other things that I told you to do. Especially make sure that your hygiene is on point. And when you see a sex worker, treat them like human beings. Be respectful. Be clean. Be sure that you pay and don’t try to haggle prices. You can actually become a preferred client if you know how to act and take care of yourself. A lot of those sex workers don’t care about how much of a “bad boy” you are like some regular women supposedly do. They actually appreciate guys who are extremely nice and sweet because they are so used to dealing with scumbags, so many of them are women who can actually appreciate you for supposedly being “too nice.” That being said, don’t be naïve either. You still have to protect yourself also, so you would need to be aware of different scams, such as them asking for a cash app deposit before you see them only for them to take your deposit and not see you at all, etc.

7: self-development

I know that you may not want to hear this, but you should probably get some therapy. The problem with society is, just like men being shamed for dealing with prostitutes or men being shamed for wearing shoes that will make them taller, etc. is that people seem to mock people or not have sympathy for people who have problems, yet when those people do something about it, people still make fun of it. Why even try to impress such people? Granted, people don’t make fun of people who need therapy these days. In fact, a lot of women push for men to get therapy. But for some reason, a lot of men feel that it is a stigma for them to get therapy and just don’t want to do it. Listen, therapy can actually help you with your social issues so that you can better talk to women as well. In fact, it might be better to talk to a therapist that specializes in helping people with social issues, even when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex, than listening to these bootleg pick up artists on YouTube or whatever. But you may not need therapy just to help you with your social and dating issues, you probably just need therapy in general to help you with anger, your self-esteem issues, you internalizing things that you probably shouldn’t, and most of all, with showing you how to not try to control things that you can’t control (including other people, such as women) but how to master your mentality in a way where you can make peace with the world the way it is and learn how to operate in the world without trying to change the world to fit your whims and your vision. If you don’t want to physically go to see a therapist, don’t worry, they have online therapists that you can talk to from the comfort of your own home. 🙂

8: lose the hatred and go outside

I know that it’s hard to not have anger and resentment towards a society that you feel unjustly judges you or doesn’t give you a chance based on things that you feel you cannot help. However, being angry and not coming to terms with life isn’t doing you any favors and it isn’t doing other people any favors either. And if you let that anger and bitterness fester inside of you, you may end up hurting other people which isn’t a good thing or a good look. And go outside. Stay off of those forums and you should probably stay off of social media in general, because one thing about those forums and social media is that some of the most toxic ideas, generalizations, and even so-called advice are more prevalent and can only help to further damage one’s mind.

9: you don’t need to be rich or make a lot of money, but…

I assume that you might have a job, especially if you are at a certain age. But if you don’t, then simply try to get one. If you already have one, then try to be responsible. Don’t let people fool you by saying to just get more money to be attractive to women. Granted, for some women, having a big bank account is attractive, but then again, will those women really like you for you or would they just like your money? That being said though, you do want to have your life in order to be able to maintain and to at least live a decent quality of life for yourself. Not that you should do it just to attract women. However, once you do it for yourself, as a bonus it may make it more likely for you to meet more women as well.

Anyway, this is extremely long, but I also think that this is extremely overdue, because as far as I know, I don’t know of any other writings like this that offer practical solutions for people who feel that they are simply sexually unattractive due to things beyond their control.

Please, like, share, and comment your thoughts.