Solitary Humorist

Does “sad” and “isolated” equate to The Good Humor Man?

It doesn’t happen often, for which I am grateful, but somebody wrote to me and asked “Who are you, really?”

I get intrigued when people are intrigued by me. When I say me, of course, I mean “Charles Roast.” Who is, of course, part of me.

There are many reasons and many famous people who write with pen names. I won’t get into them because those reasons and writers are all over the internet for you to find.

And those of us who do write with a pen name, do so for our own unique reasons. I know this because we have a club, but no body really knows who the members are.

I’m starting to get kinda existential, now. Why? Because I engaged with this person, whom I admire as a writer I recently started reading and engaging with.

During our exchange, which took place a few weeks ago I, without much thought, described my fear of exposure, which is one of the reasons I write as “Charles Roast.” I rarely give this much thought, so the admission surprised me. Then I actually had to put more thought into it.

I don’t have fear that my “secret identity” will be exposed because of the content I produce. Well, with one or two exceptions. It’s more of a fear that my content won’t be as accepted if my other half were known. And that makes me wonder what I think of “myself.”

I have been in some tough professions in my “real” life and have fought some good battles. But I am also in a “tough” relationship right now, that has been for years sucking out of my soul the normally high level of confidence I have had most of my life. I have had to suppress my “humor” due to criticism or just plain lack of response and interaction. It was never accepted in my relationship. But I reiterate, I take my share of responsibility.

As Chuck, I feel like I can express myself, my true self, without fear of emotional abuse. There are no egg shells on the floor of Chuck's house.

Chuck has been a type of savior for me. He has given me the skill set to unclog some of my creative channels and allow my trapped soul to flow back into the real world. And Medium has become the outlet for that flow.(I know. Sounds like what happens when a toilet flushes after, well, you know.) And it has made me happier. And, as a result, more creative.

This person wasn’t the only one who engaged me like this. I recently exchanged secret identities with another writer who writes under both a pen name, or as we sophistics like to call it, a nom de plume. . . and a “real” identity.

It felt good the times I have exposed myself to these writers. Um, not what it sounds like.

I think it’s due to them accepting both of me without any judgment. Zero. I’m not used to that. And I thank them all. For accepting and not exposing. But I won’t be doing it again, so don’t ask!

Comedian Kermit Apio was asked by a friend, after the suicide of Robin Williams, if comedians are sad people, his reply on The Good Men Project was poignant and deep, and provided some meaning for my own introspective search for “why?” The word of the day: “isolated.”

Kermit said,

But the isolation they feel in a crowded room is what makes them what they are. While everyone in the room is trying to figure out what they need to do in order to find their place, the comedian wants to understand why. This need to find perspective rather than accept defined norms is the basis of the comedian, and it often comes from a place of emptiness, or loss, or dysfunction.

Yeah. That about sums it up. For most of my marriage I have felt “isolated” and “sad.” The reasons are many, and no blame is cast. It just. . .was. Even before marriage, while I felt happy, I was happiest “alone.”

What I find interesting about my own situation is, I engage more as my pen name, Charles Roast. In fact, when I talk (meaning email or message) to others who know the “real” me, I do so almost exclusively as Charles, or as some call me, Chuck. I rarely interact as “me.”

Or, do I?

Maybe, just maybe, “Chuck” is me, and “I” am Chuck.

And I’m okay with that.

Chuck Roast is a humorist (“humourist” for those of you who like the “incorrect” spelling)for the publication Illumination, a Top Writer in Satire and Humor, owner/editor/writer of his own Publication, Dad-Bods, which is currently sitting idle while he develops his social media skills and gains more exposure through manipulation of said social media.

Here are the links to his accounts, LinkedIn, Twitter. Comments are always appreciated. Thanks for reading. Write On!