Social rejection is not your fault
A Broads Non Grata prompt
You don’t own your friends. You cannot control where they go, what they do, nor who they deal with. There are some people who scour for greater networks, amassing an army of friends whom they keep solely to themselves (quite selfishly, if you ask me). They would be aggressive in getting their direct contact through you, and before you know it, you are out of the picture, and are only called upon when needed. This treachery leaves you feeling utterly rejected. You feel like a used rag. You lose faith in humanity.
But, it’s not entirely how you see it to be. Here’s how to lighten up if you feel that your friends have cast you aside.
Let go of control
Personally, I do not wish to control who my friends interact with, or to what degree they are bonding with others in my circle (we’re not in high school anymore). The moment you lay claim on someone you will be refuted. Many people, myself included, hesitate when mixing or merging different circles of friends. There is an inexcusable fear of being left out once new bonds form among them. You cannot control social dynamics, and you shouldn’t even try to.
Over the years, I’ve seen this phenomenon happen where some cases ended tragically. I’ve since matured (a bit more) and learned the truth about living in a hyper-connected, social world — that the human mind is complex, and that the human psyche is unapologetically drawn towards greener pastures. If you feel left behind, it’s only natural and inevitable. It happens to everyone. Don’t resist it.
You’ll feel liberated once you learn that you don’t own your friends.
Social rejection is a construct of your own mind
Have you ever sat on a park bench just enjoying that breeze of fresh air? Just sipping that much deserved cup of coffee? Just people watching? Have you noticed how when pairs of friends walk together and are deep in conversation, that their stride synchronizes and their steps are in rhythm?
Much like in your social life, you bond with those friends whom you have rhythm with. Conversely, people who walk a different pace than you may find it difficult to bond with you.
Some call it vibe. If there’s no vibe between you and your friend then there’s not much that’s holding you together. Naturally, your paths diverge, leaving you feeling rejected. Actually, there’s no malice because people just move on. When’s the last time that you hung out with your best friend from grade 2? Or do you mostly hang out with your best friend from university now? Or your best friend from work? You’ve moved on as well, yet you don’t feel bad for your grade 2 BFF. It wasn’t malicious of you — you’ve just moved on.
The feeling of rejection, then, is but a label that your mind creates for this simple rhythm.
It’s just noise
Noise, not the audible kind, but the kind that drags your mind away from what’s important, is one of the main causes of much of the problems we experience every day. Things can range from a minor details to full blown catastrophes, especially when it involves your expectations of others and the ultimate letdown when your expectations aren’t met.
You feel dejected from being rejected.
Emotions sin us, and pride betray us. Why would you feel unhappy that a friend hasn’t texted you? Or that he or she did not deliver on time? Or during a conversation he or she replies with monotonic, single sentence responses? Do you feel a loss of validation afterwards?
Focus on the words in the response, but not on its delivery.
So what now?
Let go of control
It’s all about rhythm
Block the noise
Everyone’s path is but a ripple in a sand dune. What’s amazing is crossing paths in the later stretch of life. Egos rise and fall, but the roots always remain.
You are a worthy friend.
Thanks to Ashley Evenson for the prompt.
