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Social Norms and Social Media
Why adapt to social norms?
How adaptable are you to different environments? Does your behavior change at home, work, sporting events, concerts, and on social media? How about in other places?
Let’s look at what your adaptability to the many social norms can tell you about yourself.
What are social norms?
While you may or may not be familiar with the term “social norms,” they affect you, and you often modify your behavior because of them.
One of the better definitions of social norms comes from Simply Psychology, which states:
Because we are social creatures, it only makes sense we would try to adapt to those around us. If you are anything like most people, you will change your attitude and behavior, however slightly, depending on where you are and who you are around.
For example, do you speak and act one way at work, another way at a posh social event, when you are with friends, or at home with your spouse for those who are married? How about when you are traveling in other countries?
Adapting to social norms
“We learn the social norms of our society and modify our behaviour accordingly.” Jane Goodall (1934-present)
Adapting to social norms is all about what you think is expected of you in various environments and the people in them. It is also about how you want to be seen and thought about.
How do you want to be seen by others? Most of us have a view of ourselves that may not match reality. With social pressures, we can attempt to make ourselves look and speak like what we believe will help us fit into a particular group.
An example of these social pressures is at the office. You may alter your behavior and personality in more formal organizations to what you think is needed or expected of you. The same can be said when you are at a church, restaurant, sporting, or social event.
In a way, most of us are chameleon-like, changing to suit the environment. Is it wrong to do such a thing? It depends.
Traveling the world for many years, doing business throughout Asia and Europe, you learn a great deal about the differences in people worldwide. In particular, you pick up on how cultures vary in how they prefer to do business. Attempting to adapt to each country’s social norms is not unusual.
Even within the United States, there are differences in how people prefer to do business. Some parts of the country are fast-paced and don’t want to fool around when making decisions, while others are slower-paced and do not rush into things. Then, there is a whole range in between. And this is to say nothing of the variances in individual preferences and personalities.
When dealing with individuals somewhere else in the world, it helps to gain some understanding of the people and their culture.
For example, business card etiquette is one of the first things you learn doing business in some countries in the Far East. When exchanging business cards, taking the card, glancing at it quickly, and putting it aside or in a pocket can be disrespectful. Instead, you should take their card, hold it using both hands, and examine it closely before putting it away. In countries like China and Japan, exchanging business cards is more like shaking hands and looking each other in the eyes than fist-bumping someone who has no idea what you are doing.
What does adapting say about you?
Do you attempt to adopt an appropriate behavior to fit the environment you are in? Or do you often live by the old saying “fake it until you make it”?
There is a big difference between modifying your behavior to adapt socially and faking it. Faking it may be helpful in some instances when used with a proper motive. For example, you can use it as a personal development exercise to increase your confidence in appearing poised, assured, optimistic, etc.
But overdoing or misusing it is never a good idea. If your motive is wrong, using such a tactic can backfire. In such situations, faking it is akin to lying and being deceitful. Unfortunately, too many do it often in one area — social media.
A few options we have in different environments are to:
- Be ourselves, whether it is appropriate or not
- Adapt our behavior to fit the environment in a genuine manner
- Limit faking it to self-development exercises
- Faking it with an improper motive, such as using, taking advantage of, or attempting to garner unmerited favor
That final adaptation above is one of lying and deceit. Fortunately, there are fewer of this type of people in real life, but what about on social media?
Social norms and social media
Are there any established social norms on social media? Absolutely! If you are on LinkedIn, you want to mind your behavior. LinkedIn members are mostly business people and professionals, and your posts and behaviors should be more mature and courteous. There are always outliers, but they usually don’t last very long in this community.
“Social media is driving the culture, it drives people’s minds literally.” Aeriel Miranda (1992-present)
On platforms like Facebook, Instagram, and others, it can be like the Wild West regarding what people post and how they behave. Talk about fakes; these platforms are full of them! Yes, some decent, honest people are there. Fortunately, you can tune out much of the junk by tightening your circle of friends and setting some limits on what is allowed on your page.
The sad thing on platforms like Facebook is people lie and lie often. One study found more than 75% of people on social media lie about themselves in their profiles! Can you imagine how many of their posts are misleading, fraudulent, fake, self-serving, egotistical, etc.?
“For the first time, the weird and the stupid and the coarse are becoming our cultural norms, even our cultural ideal.”Carl Bernstein (1944-present)
Improper use of faking who you are by putting yourself forth as something you are not happens far too often. It is better to be honest and not get caught in such deceit. When exposed, the embarrassment would likely be great and deserved.
The lives many people portray on social media can be very deceitful and disgusting. Why do so many people broadcast their nonsense on social media? They show themselves to be childish, immodest, and immature. They will regret their actions if or when they become more mature. But then, some people never grow up, do they?
“The smaller the mind, the greater the conceit.” Aesop (620–564 BC)
Have you ever wondered what people on social media are hiding? Why do they choose lies and deception? A few reasons might include that they are:
- Insecure
- Self-protecting (defensive, disappointed, intimidated, have low self-esteem, etc.)
- Avoidant
- Hiding or covering up something
- Ignorant
- Manipulative or controlling
- Attention seeking
- Egotistical, narcissistic, selfish, vain, and conceited
- Filled with prideful arrogance
While these represent only some reasons people lie and become deceitful, they speak volumes about how people see themselves and who they actually are.
As said, when used with a proper motive, our chameleon-like abilities can be helpful, yet there is no excuse to misuse them. Your motive speaks volumes about who you are.
Final thoughts
If you want to live a fulfilled life, why not start by getting to know yourself and your motives better? Ask yourself a serious question like:
“Who am I?”
Follow up with:
“Who do I want to be?”
What kind of life can you lead if you never take the time to explore the depth of such questions?
There is much truth to one of Socrates’ most notable citations:
“The unexamined life is not worth living” Socrates (470–399 BC)
Why not look inward and examine your motive when interfacing with others on social media and in life? You will be better for it, and others will enjoy being in your company far more!
Imagine if only a few of the 75% who sow lies and deceit on social media examined their life by seriously contemplating the two questions above. They would be far better off, reducing their strife and stress while achieving more. They would also develop better relationships and have other good things come into their lives. They would move from the negative of lies, deceit, and wrong motives to the positive of truth, honesty, and decency.
“What begins in arrogance often ends in shame.” Walter Russell Mead (1952-present)
To paraphrase ancient scripture, how will they know truth unless someone tells them? There is no better time than the present to get the word out.
Why not take a minute to share this article with one of those three out of four people on social media who need it? Maybe you can help one of them escape the trap they have fallen into of trying to make themselves look better than they are! You may save them a great deal of embarrassment and regret.
BillAbbate| LinkedIn |Twitter| Medium| Facebook| AmazonAuthorPage | Truth
Bill Abbate Leadership Writer and Editor in ILLUMINATION
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