Social Media and Relationships.

How the Virtual World Affects Human Interaction

Introduction

Social media has its pros and cons. It allows us to connect with others that we’d probably had never met without it, in ways that we could not have imagined at a point.

It has changed how we communicate with others in a virtual atmosphere and in person, which isn’t a surprise since there is much information to take in and grow from. What I notice lately is how it affects standards and expectations in relationships, platonic and romantic, and I want to take the time to discuss a few of them I’ve faced or heard of recently.

Virtual PDA

There comes this expectation of you to post your partner(s), family members, or close friends on special occasions. If you choose not to, those individuals may feel that they’re somewhat less important to you because you chose not to show them off to “the world”, or you’re “keeping them secret”.

For myself, I am generally a private person and do not feel the need to take the time to publicly display the faces of my loved ones. I prefer phone calls, texts, or physical action, such as going out or gifting, when it comes to how I show my love and appreciation to you. Occasionally, I may post a photo or video of our interaction to express the beauty that I see in you. I love to share art.

The conflict arises when one individual heavily values their status on any social platform. This could also be used as a tactic to reduce “potential threats” to the relationship as it shows those interested, in a nonplatonic way, that someone is in the picture. The act can give off the following messages to support the previous claims:

“This is an important person in my life” “He/She/They are mine. Go away.” “I am important because this person is important”

The value that we now place on being present on someone’s social media page takes away from the perceived value of acts of appreciation that are physically or verbally expressed. Saying “thank you” or “I’ll hang onto this forever” doesn’t seem to be enough anymore, depending on the individual.

Distraction

Rather than living in the moments, taking them in entirely, many feel the need to photograph or record their outings to show the world what’s going on in their present lives. In my opinion, there is a difference between taking these photos and videos to capture moments to refer back to, and being completely tuned into social media, which takes you away from the physical experience.

A good, common example of this would be a first date to any fancy restaurant where your date is too into their phone to properly engage you in your attempts to converse. A date is normally set as an opportunity to get to know the person that you’ve chosen to pursue further, but you never actually get the opportunity to know that person. Your date is busy taking pictures and videos of the food, cropping your face out of the photo to maintain some kind of secrecy.

Instead of indulging in conversation, their phone screen lights every second because of the many notifications that come through. Their attention is pulled away as they respond to comments that friends/followers make regarding the initial post.

“No invite?”

Social media has interfered with romantic interactions in the sense that it takes away from your time with one another. Instead of being given the quality time that you desire, your partner struggles with engaging you properly due to his/her/their habit of constantly checking for notifications and updates.

Rather than taking some time aside to call for verbal conversation, texting is the preferred method of communication on one end. I’ll include another scenario where time spent on social media can interfere with available free time that could be used to show someone that you’re thinking of them or another intimate or romantic gesture.

Social media also takes away from our ability to sleep as often as we spend more time interacting with others simply because we can. We lay in our beds and stare into the phones light, which slows the production of melatonin. We ignore this effect as long as we can get through a day’s work, and repeat it until it becomes normal to us or negatively impacts our health.

Comparison and Influence

At times, when couples have arguments, they tend to run online to vent or get advice from friends. These are essentially opinions from others that only know one side of the story. They have limited information to give sound advice on the matter. Though they’re only trying to help, maybe, they offer advice that may be detrimental to the growth of the relationship, in more ways than one, as this issue could possibly be resolved through civilized communication or therapy, if needed.

On the other hand, images of others’ relationships influences an idea of how things should be in a romantic space. From the shares and retweets that display this content on other timelines, many wish that they had something similar to what’s being seen. The “bae-cations”, the rose petals leading to the bedroom, the dances at the wedding receptions, etc. “If it’s not like this, I don’t want it”.

Although social media has its positive influences in many areas, I find that there’s often a shift in what’s originally desired due to the need to compare to what others have. It is very possible that your interactions with others or the viewing of digital media can show how certain things can be done differently or better; however, unrealistic expectations can be placed varying on factors that may lie beyond one’s control at that moment. This would create unnecessary conflict as there are thoughts of “If they can have it, why can’t I?” in an attempt to keep up with what’s popular.

Conclusion

Social media is definitely here to stay as it has just as many pros than cons, even in relationships. Prior to social media sites, television shows and magazines were the go-to for celebrity news, relationship advice, updates on beauty standards, workout routines, etc.

We are exposed to so much more with the range of our searches being so broad, and little to no limits on what we can access. A gift and a curse; a double edged sword. Hopefully, as we are aware of this, we are selective in the things that we subscribe to, maintain our identities and values, and allow these things to affect our connections in a positive manner.