Sobriety Has Taught Me What Really Matters in Life and What Doesn’t

Alcohol clouds everything, including the real meaning of life

“Alcohol is the cause and the solution to many of life’s problems.” — Dan Castellaneta

Prior to choosing sobriety, my life had a different meaning. I’m actually not really sure what the meaning was besides being superficial.

Alcohol turned me into a total fraud.

When I wasn’t working, I spent my time shopping, getting my hair and nails done, getting botox, and planning the next gathering so that I could drink.

I needed new outfits for everything so I could post pictures on Instagram and Facebook.

My family also needed to look perfect.

I worried about family portraits each year and spending money on Christmas cards. I lived for other people’s opinions of me.

I planned our family vacations and made sure I knew of the perfect places to take pictures. People often made fun of my excess of photos. But, I didn’t care. I had to show off to the world.

Alcohol and anything else I ingested made me delusional.

I nagged my family over things that don’t matter. Our house had to be spotless or I lost my mind.

My kids had to get good grades because that was a reflection of me. My girls had to get the best dance roles, also a reflection of me.

Except their skills and talent has nothing to do with me. It’s all them.

Again, my family had to look perfect. I had to camouflage that I was falling apart on the inside.

Everything dramatically changed for the better once I got my bipolar disorder under control and stopped drinking.

I had a cosmic shift and my thinking changed. My whole perspective on life was different.

I began to wonder and reflect on my past behaviors. Was it the dopamine hit that I would get when someone would reply to my photos?

It was almost as if their comments would reinforce my delusional beliefs that my family had it going on. We were perceived in a different light, one that glowed from the outside looking in.

When I step back and take a peek at the old me, I am often confused but there is clarity. Being stuck in the cycle of addiction is confusing but when you step away, you often gain clarity.

The constant need for more began to dissipate as my sober days grew. I don’t need to keep rearranging my house or buying new things to make it look better. Although I do like a neat and tidy place, it is far from spotless now.

I’m beginning to live in the moment instead of always looking ahead to the next party. I don’t give a shit about the next party.

What I do care about is having quality time with my family and loved ones.

I’m interested in learning new things and cultivating my creativity.

Long gone are the days when I am constantly comparing myself or my life to others. If other people care about all the material bullshit, that’s fine. It doesn’t interest or matter to me what others are doing or buying.

I no longer feel the need to “keep up”.

That shit doesn’t matter!

What matters?

Real relationships, quality time, gaining knowledge, and doing something creative. When you take a deep dive into your meaning of life, you’ll gain perspective on the true meaning of life.

Thank you sobriety for opening my eyes and ears to listen. I can listen to my gut and intuition on what I need and don’t need out of life.

The best thing of all? Learning how to feel and cultivate my emotions. I believe this is the true gateway to emotional sobriety.

Sure, when we get off the sauce we attain physical sobriety but what keeps you sober is gained through your emotions.

If we got sober and felt the same, why would anyone want to stay sober? We get sober to change our thinking and grow.

Sobriety teaches us how to grow and evolve into the version of ourselves we’ve been seeking all along. We thought that drugs or alcohol helped us when in reality, we were just hiding.

Finally, I feel like myself and I can truly say that I love myself. Even typing that, I think, “Wow”.

It’s a revelation. Fully loving myself is something I didn’t think was possible.

What do I want out of life now? I really want to sell all my crap and travel, while continuing to find myself.

What’s the first step?

Letting go. Releasing my thoughts of worrying about what others think, letting go of the guilt and shame, and moving forward is the slow steady train that I am on.

The road to recovery isn’t a sprint, but a slow marathon of self-love that develops over time.

If you are struggling or feeling the same way, leave me a comment because I love connecting with others on the same journey. You don’t have to be sober or have an alcohol problem to be on the road to emotional growth but for me, it sure helps!

If you liked my story, become a member and subscribe to Medium to read all you want each month, including my articles.

Thanks for reading!

Much love, Michele