So You’re Tired of Apologizing to Black People

Well I’m Tired of Hearing It

I ran across an article that I hoped would not reflect what I thought I read in the title. I was hoping that being tired of apologizing meant that the writer was truly tired of seeing the injustices. I desperately wanted to find that the writer was acknowledging the atrocities in a way that reflected not only a real desire for change, but included a message of ‘real’ change. Like I said, I was hoping. To top it off the picture selection of a young, innocent and yes Black child with big sad eyes was a poor choice in my opinion. The picture should have been of the writer in order to emphasize the full statement— after all, the writer is the one that’s tired — right?

I read the article several times and I found deflection masked as reflection, rambling and a feeble attempt to explain irrational observations using what wanted to be rational speech, an indirect acknowledgement of transgression while leaving enough information out to nullify admitting to anything at all.

What this provided, though, is another look at why we are in the mess that we find ourselves working through.

So what if white people are tired?

So what if white people are scared?

So what if white people can now see?

The thing that amazes me is that if the events had not been played out over and over again in the media, there possibly would not have been any such outrage by whites. How can I say that? You see, as a Black female who is over 60 years of age, I have lived with this (all of a sudden found by whites) fear and outrage most of my life. Despite what I’ve lived through I managed to grow up reasonably healthy, obtain a college education, marry and bring children into this world, love, live, laugh, hurt, cry, and FEEL.

By the way, mentioning the discomfort of white friends who are tired of feeling like they have been restricted of their freedoms to travel, pursue regular activities and such, has nothing to do with racism — that was thanks to Corona wasn’t it?

People tend to take so much for granted until they cannot have it.

Let me say this, there is nothing subtle about racism and further, why should you have to give up ANYTHING to do the ‘RIGHT’ thing?

How is it that people can be more concerned about an insured building than the loss of human life? Honestly, we would do well to be thankful that the anger, frustration, and hurt is lashed on the buildings and not sought as revenge on other humans. If Blacks came for revenge instead of justice, what then?

There are those who seem to believe as Blacks we need to forget all of the past and move forward. I’ve even been told things like: ‘I’m not responsible because I didn’t live back then”. To that I say, “We didn’t live when Columbus sailed the ocean blue, but it is taught as part of history in school. You don’t want me to forget those lies and yet you don’t want me to remember my truth. History is just that — history! If we are to learn and if we are to truly progress, we have to look at all of it — the good, the bad and the ugly.

For the record, I don’t want what you have. I would like you to step aside and let me live my life just as you enjoy yours. Remember you said you have never had to worry about being killed in your sleep, attacked by police, and concerned for your life. I would like to enjoy that state of mind. How is that part of my past? Glad you asked. I grew up in a single parent household. My mother was a proud Black domestic. She pulled herself up by her bootstraps as was suggested. She moved us to an affluent neighborhood. While she felt she was doing the best thing for us, it proved to be a hellish life for a long while. You see everyday I had to deal with people who looked like me feeling like I thought I was better than them because I didn’t live around the way. Then, I had to deal with those in the neighborhood that I lived in who felt that I did not have a right to be there.

Now I have to try to mollify — reduce the harshness or severity of what might be perceived. I don’t want to cause a writing war.

I watched “Just Mercy” for the first time a few days ago and realized I don’t hate what I thought I hated once upon a time in my life. Earlier in life, I was angry because every time I was told that the truth would set us free someone else either died, was beaten within an inch of their life, or lost their freedom unjustly. TRUTH became an empty word. I felt I had been lied to over and over again. I’m glad to know after ALL these decades what was happening to me at that time. It wasn’t hate but hate was the strongest word that came close to matching the anger and the HURT. I was hurt more than anything else. Just like what’s happening right now! IT HURTS!!!

Black people are tired of hurting. Oh I know we all as people experience pain; however, the senselessness of hurting for a reason you cannot control — the color of the skin you were born in — is pain on an entirely different level.

The interesting thing about this movie, and I don’t know how many people caught it since it was almost an end note — like it was an after thought, is this: all those years they had a Black man, an INNOCENT Black man on death row and they believe — “strongly believe” now that a white man committed the crime BUT they didn’t and haven’t so much as accused, arrested, or incarcerated him let alone usher him to death row.

So here we are. You state you are tired of apologizing and I am tired of hearing the apology. I can only speak for me. I do not believe it is sincere. I say that because an apology comes as a realization of an offense and precludes the offense from happening again. You say you are still questioning if you want Blacks to have what you have or what you are willing to give up— then why apologize? If you have to question it then you don’t mean it. One thing I can say about a person who is clear of their dislike of my skin color, I don’t have to wonder how they feel or how they see me. When a person is unsure it makes the situation precarious because there is no way to know which words are truth and which words are a lie.