So You Want To Swing?

Summary

This article provides guidance for couples interested in entering the swinging lifestyle, emphasizing the importance of setting rules and boundaries, doing research, determining the type of swingers they want to be, and prioritizing their relationship.

Abstract

The article titled "So You Want To Swing? A Couples Guide To Get You Started In the Lifestyle" offers advice to couples considering the swinging lifestyle. It highlights the necessity of establishing rules and boundaries, which are firm and flexible guidelines, respectively, for engaging in activities with other couples. The article also stresses the importance of researching the lifestyle beforehand to understand its dynamics and expectations. Furthermore, it encourages couples to identify the kind of swingers they want to be, whether they prefer forming friendships with other couples or just meeting them at events. Lastly, the article underscores the significance of keeping the relationship at the center of the lifestyle experience, emphasizing that swinging should not be used as a solution to relationship problems.

Opinions

Rules and boundaries are crucial in the swinging lifestyle, with rules being non-negotiable and boundaries having some flexibility.
Researching the lifestyle through articles, podcasts, and conversations with experienced couples is essential before entering the lifestyle.
Couples should identify the type of swingers they want to be, whether they prefer forming friendships or just meeting other couples at events.
Swinging should not be used as a solution to relationship problems, and couples should work on their relationship before bringing others into it.
Keeping the relationship at the center of the lifestyle experience is crucial for success in the lifestyle.
Open communication is vital in the lifestyle, with couples encouraged to discuss concerns, desires, and needs before and after playing with other couples.
Preparation is key to success in the lifestyle, and couples should study written content, listen to podcasts, and talk to experienced couples to set their minds at ease and answer any questions they may have.

A Couples Guide To Get You Started In the Lifestyle

So, you have started to discuss entering the realm of the swinging lifestyle? You’ve begun chatting about exploring sex outside of your relationship with other couples? Whether this has always been a fantasy of both of yours or one of you approached the other with the idea, there are many things you should do before entering the world of swinging.

Rules and Boundaries

The first and absolute most important act a couple can do before going on dates or signing up on LS sites is to establish their rules and boundaries. What are these you might ask? Rules tend to be yes and no, black and white, well…rules. These are the things that you are both very firm on. Examples might include always wearing condoms, no anal, or no male/male interaction. There is absolutely no flexibility in your rules. These should be the things that you hold of the utmost importance and must be told to other couples before play can begin.

Boundaries are a little more lenient and can be open for discussion. Examples might include no kissing, no dirty talk, or same room play only. Boundaries are just as important as rules, and in many ways, they can mean the same thing. Mr. Black and I always state our boundaries as secondary to our rules. Our boundaries might also change as we meet new couples or start to be more open or closed-minded about certain things.

Do the Research

Showing up at a lifestyle event with no concept of how swingers operate or what to expect is not going to turn out well for you. While doing the dive right into the deep end of the swinging pool (full swap anyone?) is peachy keen, flying blind is not.

So, how does one do “the research”? Well, you if are reading this, and checking out the other articles on Modern Swinging, then you are headed in the right direction! While you are on Medium, poke around other articles relevant to the world of swinging. Amber Embers and Bradlee Bryant are two other great writers on Medium that often write on swinging. Also, checkout Sexography, Polyamory Today, and Sensual: An Erotic Life for more info and swinger-related stories/advice.

Lifestyle podcasts are another great way to help you learn more about being a swinger. Mr. Black’s and my favorites are We Gotta Thing, Swinging Outside the Lines, and That Couple Next Door. Try a few episodes of different LS podcasts out there to find the one(s) that are a good fit for you!

What Kind of Swingers Will You Be?

There are many different kinds of swingers out there. Many couples won’t end up fitting into any one box, but it is important to ask yourself what you are looking for in the LS? Do you want to be friends with the couples you sleep with? Do you want to just meet couples at events? Are you willing to travel for play or will you stay close to home?

You certainly don’t need to identify with one social crowd or swinging style. However, it is going to be important that you know what you want with swinging. Wishy-washy answers can lead to drama or trouble with other couples. Many couples that have been in the lifestyle for years, know what they want and they will expect the same of you.

Keep Your Relationship At The Center

The best piece of advice Mr. Black and I received early on was to always keep our marriage at the center of our lifestyle experience. Well, 10 years later that advice still reigns true. So many couples enter the lifestyle for the wrong reasons. No matter the reason, it is so important to remember that the lifestyle will never solve all of your couple’s woes. In fact, trying to use swinging as a patch on a flooding dam is reckless and foolish.

Work on the two of you as a couple before bringing others into your relationship. Keep in mind that your actions have consequences in other people’s lives with swinging and not just your own. Be sure that you are in a great place before even beginning to consider making the plunge.

Entering the lifestyle is an exciting time in the progression of a couple. Keep in mind that more than half the population wouldn’t even consider allowing their spouse to sleep with another person…ever. You are jumping off the cliff into a wonderful world of caring, accepting, and sexy people. If done right, swinging will only bring you closer together.

Preparation will be the key to your success in the lifestyle. Studying written content, listening to podcasts, and if possible, talk to a couple already in the lifestyle will set your mind more at ease and hopefully answer any questions you may both have.

Keep the lines of communication open at all times. Discuss concerns, desires, and needs before playing with anyone else. Even after your first time playing — talk, talk and talk some more. You should do this after every play session, event, or encounter in the LS. If you keep your relationship at the very center of your swinging experience, you should do just fine.