So You Want To Be A Roman Legionary?

Let’s see if you’ve got what it takes to be the best of the best

Welcome to boot camp. We’ll be processing all you individual applicants one at a time. Making sure that we only get the best of the best into our legions.

Rome is the biggest Empire in the world and if you’re prepared to do your bit then you can become part of an elite fighting force feared the world over. See the world they said…. get paid they said.

And if you aren’t prepared to do your bit and uphold the Pax Romana then we’re always after food for the lions.

Am I eligible to join?

That depends on a few things. If you’re prepared to answer a few questions then I can’t see any reason why we won’t be able to process you into the legions and take you to the barracks. If you’re not successful, we can always keep you on in the voluntarii

Can we see your penis? — We have a strict no women and no eunuch policy. If you don’t have meat and at least one of the two veg then you need not apply.

Also, don’t bother applying if you’re married. Since 27BC the Emperor Augustus has forbidden the rank and file from marrying. You got to be single and ready to mingle, ideally with a short sword and with Gaulish tribes. Mingle means kill.

Can we see your hands? — We love having butchers and blacksmiths to swell the ranks as you’re all pretty good with the sharp knives and steel.

However, you’ve got to have all your fingers exactly where we think they should be. Some conscripts have taken to cutting their fingers off to avoid emergency military service — this is considered a great crime and won’t be treated lightly.

Can you read the chart? — You’ve got to have good eyesight. If your eyesight is failing or you’re very short-sighted then you don’t even get to stand at the back.

We don’t have glasses or contact lenses so if you can’t see then you’re about as useful as a chocolate offering to Vulcan. Show up and we might dismiss you like poor Tryphon.

Copy of a release dated and signed in the 12th year of Tiberius Claudius Caesar Augustus Germanicus Imperator, Pharmouthi Discharged by Gnaeus Valerius Capito, praefect of upper and lower Egypt, to Tryphon, son of Dionysus, weaver, with weak sight owing to a cataract Of the metropolis of Oxyrhynchus. The examination was conducted in Alexandria

Are you a citizen? — If you’re not a citizen and times aren’t desperate then you can move along. If things get tough we aren’t completely above recruiting non-citizens or press-ganging slaves into service, but right now, it’s citizens only.

More importantly, are you a good citizen? We can overlook a few petty crimes, a bit of low-level theft here and there, taking eggs from your neighbor's chickens etc, that’s all fun and japes.

Just be aware we aren’t taking on any murderers or people running from the law. We don’t need amateur killers in this professionally trained cohort of brilliant killers — murderers aren’t welcome.

If you’re of dubious character then keep moving!

Can I have an interview?

Further to having a good character, you’d be wise to bring a letter of recommendation from someone of good standing. Future societies may not allow success to be dependent on who you know rather than what you can do but here in Rome that’s how everything works.

If you can get a letter of recommendation from someone high up or even an existing recruit then we’ll fast track your application for you. If you’re well connected then you’ll rise the ranks pretty fast. If you’re not connected at all, we’ll put you near the front when we fight the Picts.

Everyone goes onto the probatio that’s so we can make sure everyone is exactly who they say they are. We don’t want you to be presenting a letter you’ve stolen from someone else. We’ll check and double-check your identity and your probatio will be over.

If we can’t find any holes in your story (and if there are we will find them) then it’s time for the Military Oath.

The oath?!?

This is your last chance to change your mind about being a legionary. If you leave before the oath, we will laugh your cowardly ass out of the building and gossip about you. If you leave after you’ve sworn an unbreakable oath in front of the Gods you will be considered a deserter.

Deserting comes with its own punishments, rest assured it isn’t a comfortable pension and a nice place in the country.

You’ll be swearing to follow your commander into battle, even if he’s as mad as Nero himself. You’ll be swearing your allegiance to the standard for the entire length of duty you are a soldier. If you lose it, you’ll likely be executed.

You promise to serve Rome faithfully for the rest of your life — even if it means going back into the Teutoburg Forest.

You’ve been sworn in, so it’s time for us to make some detailed notes about who you are in case we need to find bits of your corpse on the battlefield or pick you out of a crowd of deserters.

Now we have to check you and tag you. Pop your clothes on the stool.

If you’ve got any birthmarks, moles or scars then we’re going to write them down and keep them on your file. This file will follow you around wherever in the empire you end up.

And put this on, a little tag you can wear round your neck I’m sure we’ll find a catchier name for it in future years but for the moment it’s a signaculum. It’ll help us identify you if you get coated in boiling oil, set on fire or trampled under enemy cavalry.

You’ve self selected, got your letter, said your oath and been processed. Congratulations. You’re part of the best fighting force in the world.

References

Legionary: The Roman Soldiers Manual. P. Matyszak(2009)

Health and Wellbeing in the Ancient World — Open University Free Course

The Ambush That Changed History — Smithsonian Magazine/Sep 2006