SATIRICAL POETRY

So, You Think You Can Be Funny?

poking fun at an unnamed humor publication’s writing contest

Any resemblance to an actual humor publication’s writing contest currently in flight is entirely intentional.

So, you think you can be funny? Funny, like me … I mean, like us? (I have some serious doubts) But okay, come hop on the funny bus!

Whoa — hold on, I didn’t say you can drive, Please take a seat in the back … Grab a note book, watch the big boys Teach you the skills you so clearly lack.

First — some housekeeping rules: You don’t follow us yet, Insolent Fool? Not just on Medium, but on Facebook. And Instagram. You sure you clicked, now? Cool.

Almost there. Imma need you to subscribe To my (did I say my? I meant our) newsletter Packed with links and proven tricks, on how To make your wannabe hobby writing better.

Remember — this is the Big Leagues, You’ll be judged by an illustrious panel Who cut their teeth on the The New Yorker, McSweeney’s and The Comedy Channel.

Think we were done with the contest rules? L.O.L. Grab a comfy chair. Hold my beer. Let me make a few things sufficiently clear.

In your inbox you’ll be receiving My 12-step program on how to be funny. Wait, where are you going? Did I tell you? If you win, we’ll be wiring you money.

Ok — this is where the shit gets real. Imma get all Method on your ass. You’ll do as I say, when I say, If you want to pass this master class.

You see — writing dickish satire Is all in the clickbait hook. Grab those proverbial nut sacks, Or they won’t even stop to look.

So for week one, do nothing but write headlines. Five, ten, twenty … Pitch them to your focus group. Keep the ones they like. (If any.)

Struggling? I thought you would … Try to step “outside your own head”. Why? Because your own thoughts are Vague, boring … essentially dead.

To survive this Boot Camp of Funny, You’ll need some extra thick skin. And among the ones left standing, May the best masochist win!

See below for some hints on who this *cough* entirely fictional, mysterious humor publication might be