So, Who Are You?
There is a great quote from Dr. Seuss that reads, “Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive more Youer than You”.
As I began the last iteration of my practice as a leadership coach, I began to realize how many people have not been able to achieve the growth and success they desire because they did not know themselves. Not in the sense of amnesia or any physical disorder, but from the standpoint of their personal identity.
One of the first exercises I give new clients is to give me five adjectives that describe who they are. We then look at each word to determine why they chose that word and how it relates to their goals and aspirations.
As leaders, they typically use words that they want others to attribute to them and not ones they believe accurately describe them. Of course, this is partially due to the newness of our relationship, but it is also a result of them not wanting to take a deep dive into who they are because there may be traits that are inconsistent with being an effective leader (at least in their minds).
The “world” would have you believe that leaders are larger than life, strong, all-knowing, with no flaws. I am writing this article today to tell you that is not only nonsense, but I wouldn’t follow anyone who does not struggle with being human to some degree.
We are the sum of every aspect of our existence, the good, the bad, and the ugly! We must not only admit who we are but embrace it if we are to truly have success in leading our lives, as well as others.
Understanding an addiction to pornography can affect the way you treat others, not because you want to have sex with them, but how it can cause dominant or permissive behaviors when dealing with people you are attracted to or not.
I am not a psychiatrist or psychologist, nor do I play one on TV. However, with more than two decades of management and a decade in leadership coaching and growth mindset, I can tell you it's okay to be honest with yourself. You may be afraid of making “cold calls” because of the rejection or don’t like confronting underperforming team members but being honest about those traits is how you learn to overcome them.
Overcoming them may require help from a licensed mental health professional and that is great for your long-term sustainability, but in many cases, the problem doesn’t run that deep.
As Morpheus told Neo in the first Matrix, “You have to let it all go Neo, fear, doubt, disbelief…free your mind!”
Freeing your mind is giving yourself permission to not be perfect, to understand even the greatest leaders have issues.
As we identify our issues we can learn from those who have achieved our desired goals despite their shortcomings. We don’t need them to solve our problems but provide a template for moving to the next level. Working with a coach or mentor is also necessary for accountability because it is too easy to revert to old habits when life gets tough.
So how do you get started? I would suggest taking this free personality test. Once you have the results, write down why you agree or disagree with each of the four letters. Afterward, have someone who is very close to you read the letters and their traits and ask them to write down why they agree or disagree.
If you are feeling brave, ask them to tell you which of those traits they like about you the most and the least and what you can do to improve your relationship with them. This may lead to some hard truths but will start you on the journey to self-discovery, which invariably will make you a better leader and human being.
