So This is Uncoupling?

The “loving” way to break up.

I sit here crying.

Crying because a man I have been entwined with both physically and emotionally for two and a half years hasn’t texted me today.

It’s eight O’clock in the evening and his “children duty” is over. He’s now officially in his “week off”.

There was a time when I was the first he would ring when he was free. But now I have absolutely no idea what he is doing… or am I dreaming?

I have been crying for the last few hours. I know I have to take the leap. Leap out of my comfort zone and into the fear zone. But it scares me so much.

You see, we are going away for a long weekend in five days. I am paying the majority of the costs as he’s a little strapped for cash. Four children and a demanding ex-wife are enough to leave anyone broke.

Although we are officially split up, we’ve seen each other a couple of times recently. The topic of a quick getaway came up, and we ended up booking to go to a nearby island for some local wine, fresh fish, and volcanic beaches. Why not? We enjoy each other's company.

So here I am, waiting in anxious anticipation to have him all to myself for once. Hoping to get some insight into how he feels about us. A few wines are usually all he needs to start offering information.

He’s always so busy with all his responsibilities that I always feel short-changed every time I speak to him. A long weekend all to myself feels like Christmas.

But now I sit here crying. Again. Because it’s Sunday, And I haven’t heard from him.

I feel like he is making a point of the fact that we have split up. He doesn’t want me to get my hopes up. This trip isn’t going to change anything. We are and still will be when we get back, split up.

Why the hell am I going?

Why am I prolonging my misery and can’t just cut the cord and move on with my life?

Why am I so pathetic and emotionally dependent on a guy who gives me nothing? Just a few cuddles, a kiss on the forehead, and a few nice words here and there.

Today I considered suggesting to him that he go alone. It’s all paid for (by me).

I’ve started to think that it isn’t going to be beneficial to me to pretend that everything is wonderful for three days and then return to not being part of his daily life.

I’m just giving him a break from his shitty existence. Something that he can’t afford to do by himself.

But a friend loving said to me:

Don’t pretend, just enjoy this weekend as the last one. And then say your goodbyes. It’s time to move on.

Am I capable of spending three days with a man I love, creating more memories and loving moments, to say a final goodbye at the end?

The battle in my head and heart continues.

I am so tired. I am tired of putting a lid on my feelings. All I want is peace and happiness. If I don’t take control of this situation now, will I end up waiting for this man and his uncertainty, forever?

Possibly.

Waiting in vain?

Probably.

Wish me luck guys.

Thank you for taking the time to read this article. Your thoughts and experiences are valuable to me, so please feel free to share them in the comments section below. I look forward to catching up with you soon. Louise ;)